I swore just a week ago that I didn't have the baby blues. I was fine! Things were iffy, but going decently and I was okay. But now I've been faced with a few new challenges and I'm not sure that I've ever felt more alone.
Just because I feel alone doesn't mean that I am alone. I have a wonderful support system, countless resources and a strong will. Chris, Laura, my Mom and a few others have been great support throughout the past 2 weeks. I know of a few different breastfeeding support groups and lactation consultants that I can use to my advantage and I WANT to succeed. I WANT this to work...and that's the most important part of all.
A number of tears have been shed today. I have begun trying to breastfeed without the use of the shield that was given to me by a nurse at the hospital who had no idea about how to go about breastfeeding. She gave me the shield to make her job easier...which, in turn, makes my job more difficult. The shield looks like a bottle nipple and it attaches to me by suction. Jayna can then use that larger, bottle-like nipple to eat. And I've learned that there are so very many disadvantages to using it.
When using the shield, Jayna can stop the flow of milk when she wants (most of the time) by pushing her tongue to the roof of her mouth...just like with a bottle. So when I try to feed her without it, she pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth automatically which interferes with a good latch. I also sometimes have overactive letdown due to her crazy eating schedule. My milk flows like crazy (which she LOVES because she loves to gulp milk) and she can't stop it...and she chokes. This then makes her spit up EVERYTHING she just ate. And you breastfeeding moms know how frustrating that is. She also sucks in a lot of air using the shield which makes her spit up or makes her tummy hurt and then she won't sleep.
She has also begun using me as a pacifier which would be less likely to happen if the damn shield didn't look so much like a pacifier. She will wake up at night and fuss for 10 or 15 minutes (yes, I let her go that long by herself and most of the time she'll go back to sleep after I check her diaper) and I'll go pick her up to feed her. I'll get her all latched and she'll take 2 sucks and then she's sound asleep and doing her cute little suckling thing like babies with pacifiers do. When I try to put her down, she wakes up and we repeat the process again. And this goes on until she is so awake and hungry that she actually eats and then goes to sleep. I can't do that every night.
I am truly losing my mind over this. I don't know what to do at this point. I suppose I could call the lactation consultants for help, but it takes a lot of courage to do that. And in the hospital, they acted like it wasn't a big deal that I was using the shield. One of the consultants said to me, "Just use the shield for awhile and then one day you'll be at your mom's and realize that you forgot it and you'll never use it again or you'll lose it in the couch cushions." Yeah, it doesn't work that way for me. My baby depends on that shield and she won't eat without it.
If anyone is reading this and has had this problem, please let me know what you tried to fix it. I'd be much appreciative of any advice, help, etc. I'm just a few days from giving up completely...and I don't want to do that. I'm almost out of tears...
3 comments:
Oh no. I am so sorry you are having so much trouble. I will check with my friend Margaret - she had to use a shield... I'll see what she has to say about it. I think you should go to that BF support group at your hospital. It was just so so for me, but I wasn't having the problems that you are and there are a couple of LC's there that could watch you and help you try without the shield and many other moms that might have advice for you. I promise it isn't scary. :) I think it will help!
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I'm sorry you're having a rough time with bf. I don't have alot of good advice about the sheild, however I do understand your pacifier issue. Eli was the same way and I was totally against using a pacifier, b/c of nipple confusion. But my mom and Dennis would both give him the pacifier. And to my benefit, there was no confusion. He just really needed something to suck on. You might want to try giving her the pacifier and one that is shaped more like you. You might be able to get more rest that way! And if you feel unsure about calling a LC, there is a book called "New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding". I know it answered many of my ?'s that I felt weren't "important enough" to warrant a call to the LC's. If you'd like I have a copy and would be more than happy to get it to you!
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