The Light

I can see it today. It's REALLY far down that tunnel, but I can see it. Thank you all so much for the support. I didn't realize that so many moms struggle with breastfeeding. While I hate it that others had/are having difficulty, it's good to know I'm not alone. I'll just keep trying.

The problem isn't that Jayna won't eat. She eats just fine. In fact, I can tell just by picking her up that she's gained a considerable amount of weight since her last doctor visit last Friday. I'm sure they will be pleasantly surprised tomorrow when they find out how much weight she's gained. She's beginning to outgrow her newborn sleepers. The problem is that she won't eat without that damn shield...which is causing so many other problems.

I CAN get her to latch without the shield. She latches, sucks a few times and then just stops and looks at me as if to say, "What the hell, lady?" I tell her not to curse, but you can't tell newborns anything. They don't listen. :)

I went to the breastfeeding support group today. And as luck would have it, little miss Jayna didn't want to eat. She latched onto me using the shield, but then wouldn't suck. Wow...she really is my kid. Since she wouldn't eat, I couldn't really be helped. The consultants kind of need to see what's going on to help me. However, I was given a few pieces of advice. I was told to try and feed her with the shield and then quickly remove it and relatch her. That, my friends, is easier said than done. But I'll give it a whirl. I was also told to "just keep trying." That phrase was said about a jillion times. "Just keep trying. She'll get it." Well, hopefully she gets it within the next week or so before I have to start introducing a bottle. I do have to go back to work, you know. I don't want the poor kid to be anymore confused than she already is.

The consultants also act as if using the shield is no big deal. Using this thing makes it VERY difficult for me to feed her in any sort of public place. It's almost impossible not to expose my whole boob to attach the shield. And then it fills up with milk and it will spill all over her or me when I remove it. Maybe I should try using the shield and being discreet. That may be to my benefit in the long run.

The consultants sum up the spitting up to gas at this point. They don't think I should begin ruling out foods just yet. I was told that I can try giving her Mylicon gas drops by the consultants and by a friend. I bought some today and I'll also give that a try. I suppose it can't hurt and I'd rather start there than have to give up cheese. MMMMMM...cheese (said in my best Homer Simpson voice

It did me very good to get out of the house today. I went to the support group, to BabiesRUs and to Walgreens. And Jayna hated every minute of BabiesRUs and Walgreens. She had the toots. She'd cry and then I'd hear the loudest, longest toot I've ever heard come out of a baby. She's okay now, thank goodness. That can't be comfortable. Hopefully the gas drops will help her with that.

I do see the light...even if it is just a little dot. And I have hope that the dot will get bigger...maybe not everyday, but most days. One day at a time.