Forgive me, Blogworld...

...for I have sinned. It's been 9 days since my last entry. Nine days!!

I haven't had time for blogging, what with the holiday and a sick child and so many irons in the fire that I'm sure to get burned eventually. I just have so much to do and little time to do it. Something won't get finished. I just know it.

Between work, taking care of Jayna, keeping my surroundings clean and tending to the necessities of life (like eating, sleeping, showering, etc.), I have about 1 hour per day to get a mountain of tasks finished...and many of them need to be finished before Christmas. Not. Gonna. Happen.

On the Jayna front, I had to take her back to the doctor on Monday. She had been on amoxicillin for one week and it seemed that she wasn't getting better. She threw a HUGE painful crying fit at Summer's and Summer called me to ask me what to do. I promptly left work and called the doctor. The news at the doctor, you ask? Well, her ear infection was GONE. She wasn't congested. Lungs sounded fine. Was breathing through her nose fine. She was fine. Nothing wrong with her. So I asked the doctor, "Then why is she waking up in the middle of the night?" And doctor says, "She's playing you. It's time for some tough love."

Yes. She's already "playing" me at 14 weeks old (I'm still not sure I really believe that...). Tough love at 14 weeks old. Tough love. Such as let her put herself back to sleep. And I understand that one. I had been letting her do that for about 2 months until she was sick. And then I would go check on her when she woke up because she was sick. So I know how to let her put herself back to sleep. We've resolved that problem already. The other big issue according to the doctor is try to phase out the sucky except at inconsolable fussy times and bedtime. She's only 14 weeks old! There were other things (sleeping unswaddled, feed her less times a day, make her take naps during the day, etc.), but those were the main ones. I left the office feeling like a bad, wimpy push-over of a mom. And my kid's only 14 weeks old.

Up until Tuesday, Jayna was still eating 8 or 9 times a day. I just feel like that should have changed by now. Am I wrong? So on Tuesday, we tried 3 bottles a day instead of 4 and 2 nurses in the evening instead of 3. And it worked.

I've decided that I'm almost over the whole breastfeeding thing. I enjoy feeding her 95% of the time, but I'm tired of having to wear bra pads all the time. I'm tired of nursing bras. I'm tired of having to schlep my pump all over the place...to work, to family gatherings, etc. I'm tired of having to get up in the middle of the night to pump. And, most of all, I'm TOTALLY OVER being just a food source to my kid. I can't just hold my baby because she'll just want to eat. I can't do it without her being a total maniac and rooting toward my boobs. It's crazy. I'd like to have a different sort of relationship with her. I don't want to hold onto breastfeeding because I feel like it's the only way to be close to her. I've been consumed by guilt over this decision. I want to do the best thing possible for her, but it's making me crazy and that isn't good for either of us. I'm going to wait until her 4 month well baby appointment to make any final decisions, but I'm thinking I'm going to cut down tremendously after that.

On the Christmas front, I have so much to get done!! We have our gift exchange next weekend and I haven't prepared at all. Yikes!! I have several projects to complete for Christmas gifts that MUST be done in the next couple of weeks. I have shopping to do. Oy...shopping. It's so hard for me to go Christmas shopping and not buy things for myself!

I also MUST get started on illustrations. I haven't even gone and bought supplies yet (YAY!! NEW COLORED PENCILS!!!). I know the author is patiently awaiting some prelim. sketches, so I have to get started this weekend.

I also need to get our Christmas cards made and sent. I'm doing a photo card again this year, so the making is the easy part. Hopefully I have good enough pictures to make them look great.

Well, I read back this list to myself and I'm realizing that I really don't have time to blog!! Good day, Blogworld. I said good day!!