I could give you the classic cliche, "Where did 2008 go?? I blinked and it was over..." but I won't. I won't because I know exactly where it went. It went to a long and grueling (and at the same time, delightful) pregnancy and the birth of my beautiful and healthy baby girl. Now she's 4 months old and I marvel in her innocence, her sense of discovery, her beauty and her physical, mental and emotional growth on a daily basis. I am simply amazed by her.
Sum it up. Sum up an entire year in one word. This is the first year that this task is easy for me...my word is TUMULTUOUS. Tu*mul*tu*ous: adj. 1: marked by a turbulent uprising 2: tending to cause violent agitation of mind or feelings 3: marked by violent or overwhelming turbulence or upheaval.
Tumultuous. That's it. A few words stick out when I re-read that definition. Uprising. Agitation. Overwhelming. Upheaval. All of these things happened to me this year. Yikes. And now it's almost over and I feel such a sense of relief. A weight has been lifted. Free!! Free at last!
Not so much. Free? Never. So subjective...that ideal, free. I am free from being pregnant, being the mom of a newborn who won't sleep through the night and wants to eat every hour. But I'm not free from the loads of responsibility that come with being an adult, a parent, a functioning member of society. I'm not free from working for a living. Oy. I'm getting depressed just reading this...
But I have so much to look forward to in 2009...
I have high hopes of getting our finances in strict order so as to save money for a down payment on a new house. A bigger house. A better house. A house without termites. A house with two full bathrooms. A house with a bigger yard for the dogs and Jayna to play. A house with room for scrapbooking and guitar-playing. A house where Jayna can sleep and Chris and I can still turn up the TV loud enough to actually hear it. Jayna will have her own savings account. I think it is so very important for her to have a chunk of money to do something with when she's older. I had a savings account when I was a kid and it helped pay for things like a car and an emergency room visit due to Jose Cuervo (in college). Every college student should have some sort of "Get Out Of Jail" fund. Seriously. It should be a prerequisite right along with knowing your limits and common sense. Chris had one too and it paid for his underage drinking ticket from Little Five weekend.
I seriously want to move. Seriously. I want to find a place that is in fixer-upper condition, but liveable, and move and work to make things the way we want them...and I want to STAY there. When we moved into our house now, we knew we wouldn't be there for long. I'm now looking for permanence, stability, a home for Jayna to grow up in...things that are so important for a kid. We've put alot of blood, sweat and tears (yes, literally tears) into the house we live in now and we've decided that there will be no more fixing until we move.
I look forward to all that the world has in store for Jayna. I am eager to see her sit up on her own, feed herself, crawl, talk, walk...all of the awesome stuff. I know there are things that aren't so awesome that go along with that (like her actually growing up...), but let's be positive. I am still amazed that Chris and I somehow created the perfect little human. And yes, she is perfect in my eyes. And until she says the dreaded words, "Mom, I HATE YOU!", she'll be perfect. Awww, hell...she'll still be perfect then, too.
Am I being naive? Probably. I may have a hundred bucks saved by this time next year. I may have looked at two or three houses. Let's call it ambitious instead of naive. I am ready for long term change. Change that gets me somewhere. Change less the stagnancy. Change that makes an effin' difference!! I suppose I've watched too many Presidential Election Campaign ads on television this year. A time for change. No...seriously.
I am making no resolutions (see previous post...). I will only disappoint myself and end up dealing with New Year's Revolution again next year. I am only looking forward to things. I look forward to the continual growth of my family (mentally, emotionally, spiritually...NOT PHYSICALLY...), the continual growth of myself as I find myself again, better planning, more spontaneity, more forgiveness, less grudges, more quality time instead of quantity time, less hurry-hurry-hurry, less anger, more delight, more patience, less frustration, more smiling, less scowling, more sweet and less sour...and LOTS and LOTS of picture-taking!!
The word for 2009, you ask? Well, is "getyourshittogether" a word? I sure hope so.
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