A Big Tall Man

First let me tell you about this picture.

Jayna's outfit consists of her Easter dress from 2 years ago that now resides in the dress up trunk, her "doctor sleeves," her Cinderella shoes, a ring for accessorizing and her "doctor headband."  Her doll is actually a Belle doll who is wearing Cinderella shoes.  Um...to match Jayna's shoes.  Duh.  And the bag is a bag of surprises because baby Belle was good when Jayna "doctored her." 

See, in this picture, Jayna is dressed like a doctor.  I'm sure that now that I point it out, it's apparent to y'all.  Those are her doctor sleeves and headband.  The sleeves resemble gloves.  I was sure that the headband resembled a stethoscope, but I was wrong.  Her explanation?  "Doctors have to keep their hair out of their eyes so they can see good to doctor the kids."  Fair enough.

The dress?  Well, her pediatrician wears skirts, so I can see a little of a connection there.  The shoes?  Well, she's Doctor Cinderella, of course.  She just can't understand why a grown ass woman such as myself can't understand her logic and she gets incredibly frustrated with me when I ask too many questions.  If I had to put a number on "too many,"  I'd say it's about 5.  If I ask anymore than 5 questions, things get short and heated and whiny.  So I keep it at 4.  These are the types of things you learn as a parent.

And now onto the point of this post.

I didn't include the picture because it has anything to do with the story I'm going to tell.  I included it so that you all could get an understanding of the sweet little innocent face that I have to be honest with.  It's difficult at times.  I just keep telling myself that part of my job as a parent is to raise Jayna to be a functional member of society.  Not only functional, but ONE HELL OF A MEMBER OF SOCIETY.  I want her to be a force to be reckoned with.  I want her to be strong and brave and fearless.  Except when it comes to boys.  She better just stay away from them.

Anyhoo...there's a story here.

Some pertinent information for understanding this story:  Jayna has gotten too tall and too heavy for me to successfully in one motion lift her into a shopping cart.  And of course she is NO help.  She won't bend her legs so they'll go over the edge.  She just says, "Lift me up higher, mommy."  Because of this fact, if Chris happens to be with us, I have him lift her into the cart.  She has inquired why I have him do this.  I simply explained that he is taller than me and a little stronger, so it's just easier for him to do it.  She seemed okay with that.

Also, she has recently learned the difference between grown ups and children.  She knows man vs. boy and lady (NOT woman...NEVER woman) vs. girl.  In the car yesterday morning on the way to school this conversation took place:

J:  Mommy, daddy's 32 now, right?
ME:  Yep.  32.
J:  He was 31 last year, right mommy?
ME:  Yes.  He was 31 last year and now he's 32.  That's how it works.
J:  He's a big tall man now, right mommy?
ME:  Yep.  You're right.  He's not a boy, he's a man.  Good job!

So there's that.

And I'm FINALLY to the story.  Hopefully atleast one of you is still reading.

Last night at bedtime, I was rubbing Jayna's back while lying with her and we were chatting.  She likes for me to just lie there by her for a few minutes and talk.  I oblige because I think it's the cutest thing EVER and I know there will come a time when she doesn't want to be anywhere near me.  It's just the cutest thing to have her lie there beside me on her belly propped up on her elbows with her little chin on her fists just waiting for me to school her on a new subject.  These are the focused times where she gladly listens to every word I'm saying and retains it all.  We've learned about germs and the immune system and antibodies, deciduous and coniferous trees, photosynthesis and numerous other scientific-like things in these quiet dark times.  I LOVE it.  It is by far my favorite time of day.

She often wants to talk about what I do during the day.  I make it sound as interesting as possible even though most days are fairly mundane.  Let's face it...I have an office desk job.  I push papers and such.  It isn't that exciting.  But she listens to me so intently that it actually makes me feel sort of like Batman.  You know, my favorite super hero.  The one who has no ACTUAL superpower, but is still considered a super hero because he is so brainy and crafty. 

So last night she asked me, "Mommy, can we talk about your day?  What did you do today?"  This conversation ensued:

J:  What did you do today?
ME:  Well, I went to work.  Then I sent a couple of emails and typed up some proposals.  Then I answered the phone a few times and then completed some waivers and prequal information.  And then...well, Jaynie, then I tried to do something I've never done.
J:  What did you do? 
ME:  Well, I tried to design a company logo. 
J:  What's a company logo?
ME:  A company logo is a picture or shape that tells you about a company.  You know that big red circle with the small red circle inside it?
J:  That's at Target mommy.
ME:  Yes it is.  That's Target's company logo.
J:  It's a target mommy.  (looks at me like I'm an idiot.)  That's why it's their picture.  (We've talked about that before.  That's how she knew that.)
ME:  Exactly.  So I tried to make one of those for our company.  Not a target, but our own special logo.
J:  What did you make?
ME:  Nothing!  As it turns out, Jaynie, mommy is very bad at making company logos.  BUT...that's okay!  I can't be good at everything. No one can.
J:  I'm good at everything.
ME:  No, you aren't.  You haven't even done everything.  You're still too little to know if you're good at everything.  You are good at lots of things, but not everything. NO ONE is good at everything.
J:  But it's okay, right?
ME:  Yes!!  You don't have to be good at everything.  And mommy isn't good at making company logos.
J:  You can just have a big tall man do it!!

At this point I was at a loss.  Did she REALLY think that just because I couldn't do something that I needed a big tall man to do it for me??

I immediately sat up and made her sit up too.  I explained to her there aren't many things that a man can do that a lady can't.  I then reversed it and told her that there aren't many things a lady can do that a man can't.  But NO ONE EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD has been good at EVERYTHING.  And then it went this way:

ME:  Making a company logo isn't something that needs a big tall man.  Making a company logo makes you use your brain no matter if you're a man or a lady.
J:  (tapping her skull)  That's in here. 
ME:  Yep.  And you use it for everything you do.  And you have to have the right kind of brain to make things like company logos.
J:  You don't have that kinda brain?
ME:  Nope.  I didn't know that until today, but you learn something new everyday.
J:  Maybe my brain can make a logo.
ME:  Maybe.  And maybe daddy's brain can.  But you don't have to be a man or a lady to make a logo.  You can be either.  And you can be a man or a lady to do ALMOST anything.

At this point there was a long pause.  She was getting sleepy as I rubbed her back.

J:  So....I'm not good at everything?  And I won't be ever?
ME:  I'm afraid not.  But you keep trying.  You keep trying new things to learn what you are good at and what you aren't good at.  Because if you don't try, you won't ever know.
J:  Like food.  If I don't try it, I don't know if I like it.
ME:  YES!  That's exactly right.  You should always try.
J:  But...I won't be good at everything.  And it's okay!  I will be good at lots of things but prob'ly not logos.

At that point we said good night with a squeeze hug and a smooch. 

I have a love/hate relationship with how well she seems to understand things.  I love it because it helps us reason with her on a daily basis.  I hate it because I have to have conversations where I explicitly have to tell her that she won't be good at everything and that she doesn't need a man to do things for her.  But I do love it that she understood and seemed okay with that.

I don't ever want her to think that she needs "a big tall man" to do things for her.  She loves her daddy more than anyone in the world and he is the best dad in the world.  I told him this story and he laughed.  I also told him that I want him to be her super dad but dangit if he can't just STOP sometimes and let her grow up to be a strong, confident, independent woman.  He pointed out that I depend on him and that isn't a bad thing.  We just both hope she eventually finds someone she can rely on like he and I rely on one another.  We'd seriously be lost without each other.

So...ladies with daughters:  Have you encountered this?  Any thoughts, opinions, advice?  How do I teach her the balance between relying on people who are worthy of being relied upon and being independent?