So, last weekend was nuts. All three days I went for a stretch of 5-6 hours without pumping or feeding Jayna, not to mention that on one of those days I decided to drink 4 beers in 2.5 hours resulting in lots of pumping and dumping...
I can no longer keep up with the little piggy. She is now taking 5 ounce bottles...4 times a day while I'm at work. Actually, she takes three 5 ouncers and one 2-3 ouncer. I can only pump approximately 13 ounces of milk a day(on my most productive day)...and that includes when I get up at 2am to pump. Before last weekend, my output was about 19 ounces a day. That was when I was pumping 4 times a day. Now I'm pumping 5 times a day and I'm getting less. Yesterday my milk seemed to suddenly reappear, but it was just for the day. Today has been even worse than the beginning of the week.
My milk supply is the most abundant in the morning. This morning Jayna woke up by herself and was very happy! She allowed me to wash her hands and face, change her diaper and dress her all before I fed her. That NEVER happens. I was very surprised and pleased with this and I assumed that when I sat down to feed her that all would go well. I was horribly wrong.
We sat down for eating and she just went crazy. She wouldn't stay latched on, she pulled and tugged, she bit down, she shook her head back and forth and just kept fidgeting. I pulled her off and switched sides thinking that she was just uncomfortable or something. She did the same thing on the other side. So I pulled her off and changed her diaper and left her pants off thinking she was too warm. She still did all the fidgeting and everything even after that. And then I realized that she's just not getting enough milk and she's getting frustrated. It took me 35 minutes to feed her this morning and she maybe got a couple of ounces. And I cried.
I packed her up and she didn't fuss at all. We got to Summer's early this morning (at 7:15am), so I took her out of her carseat and played with her for a few minutes before I came to work. She was awake and as happy as a clam. About 10 minutes after we got there, she was ready to eat again. This has never happened. She usually sleeps until about 8:30am or so. But she was already hungry again.
I went to my car and cried a little more. I can't provide enough milk for my baby...atleast that was the thought going through my head....along with I'm a failure and a bad mom, etc. And then I realized that I'm not making things any better for myself or for Jayna by thinking those things. I'm also not doing anyone any favors by trying to force my body to make more milk when it just won't. And lots of babies eat formula and...get this, everyone...they are happy and healthy babies!! So, Jayna will get her first formula bottle this weekend. And next on the list...getting her to take a bottle from me.
Hey, Jayna will be 3 months old in one week. I made it this far even after all of those times that I wanted to quit after all of the trials and tribulations that I've endured I stuck with it. I will continue to breastfeed and just supplement with formula. Here's hoping all goes well from here...
2 comments:
Don't worry!! The same thing happened to me when I went back to work and had a hungry baby. I remember crying (and maybe even yelling at my boobs at times - not pretty)! It is sooo frustrating. Then I just supplemented with formula and felt so much better. I still breastfed at night and in the morning for the comfort/bonding, but then stopped copmletely at six months and did formula only. I hate to say, but formula is easy. SO EASY! And, she already got that health boost in her first few months. She (and you) will be just fine...
Oh girl. I know what you are going through. I am only able to keep up with this whole breastfeeding thing because I don't have to go to work everyday of the week.
You are doing a great job and doing what is best for both you and Miss Jayna.
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