Inappropriate title? Hard to tell. But it's my blog and if you don't like it, stop reading. :) Why F&^k It Friday? Because I'm going to write about something that is eating me...and I probably shouldn't write about it. So F#*k It. Oh, and it's Friday. See the connection now??
I worry. I'm human and I worry. I am a parent and I worry. I think it just comes naturally to me. I don't know how to stop worrying. If I did I'm sure I'd be rich by now. Think of the money I could make teaching people how NOT to worry...
Anyhoo, I worry. That was the point of all that jibberish up there. I think you've gotten the point. And I'm currently in a silent argument with my babysitter. And, again, I worry. Why don't I just sit down and talk it out with her? Well, that's easier said than done. I'll instead choose to passive-aggressively write about this on my blog and hope she reads and understands.
My babysitter is my sister-in-law...my brother's wife. She and I have become fairly close over the course of the last 7 years. We started out rocky, but we've both grown up alot and we've become pretty good friends. Atleast I think so. In retrospect, I should have never mixed family/friends with business...the business of caring for my child.
It's not to say that I don't think Summer does an EXCELLENT job with Jayna. I think Jayna is in the best of hands when she's with Summer. I do. And I don't worry 95% of the time. When I do worry it's mostly because Jayna is sick or acting crazy. And I worry more about what's wrong with the kid than I do about how well she's taken care of. I just know that it would be WAY EASIER to discuss disagreements with someone who I didn't also have a personal relationship with. If I had a babysitter that I only saw when I dropped off and picked up Jayna, I'd just tell her what I thought and that would be the end. And that's just not so when you have a personal relationship with the person who cares for your kid.
Jayna loves Summer. She likes her routine at Summer's. She is comfortable there and it's familiar to her. I love that. I also love that Jayna gets more one-on-one attention with Summer than she would at a daycare. I know that she's being changed and fed and that she's taking her naps. I do NOT mind if Jayna interacts with other children. I think that is great! I would love for my kid to know other kids and learn to play and get along with them. What parent doesn't want that??
I also know that Summer relies on me. She relies on having Jayna so she can get paid. We all rely on the money we make from working! That's a fact of life! And this is why I feel bad if I feel like I need to make alternate arrangements for Jayna's babysitting. I feel bad that it is money out of Summer's pocket. But when cirumstances change and I'm not comfortable with what's going on in the day-to-day care of my kid, I must make a decision. And when I'm notified of the changing circumstances only 2 weeks ahead of time, I feel...unhappy. I feel like I only have limited options. I wasn't lied to, but information was left out.
The other side of that is that I rely on Summer. I rely on her to be ready and willing and able to watch Jayna. I rely on her to make sure Jayna has what she needs and make sure Jayna's happy. I also rely on her to be honest and upfront with me...which she does 99% of the time. And I will, in turn, be honest and upfront with her.
I sometimes have difficulty keeping up with Jayna. I sometimes take my eyes off of her at home and I lose her. She crawls fast and she's sneaky. If I had more than one kid...or 5 kids...I'd lose my mind. Especially if there were limited activities for said children to do. I'd be crazy by the end of the day and admitted by the end of the week. I'd be frustrated and tired and cranky. And as a mother, I wouldn't want my kid there.
So, it's that plain and simple. Five kids is alot for one person in a packed up small apartment. They all have to be fed and some have to have diapers changed and some have to have naps, etc. Five is alot. Dare I say too many.
What am I worried about? Hurt feelings. Empty pockets. My kid. But, as I said, F#!k It. I've gotta get this off of my mind.
1 comment:
**I was going to just e-mail this to you, but couldn’t figure out how, so I am posting a comment. It’s up to you whether you publish :)**
Daycare will always and forever be a struggle!! Ellie has been in daycare since she was 6 weeks (I didn’t like that one bit!) She started at a church where they had all the babies in a little house across the street from the church. I felt like she was well controlled/cared for. When she got old enough to go to the room with the bigger kids, she was fine. However, they bugged me because they were sloppy, unorganized, and the daycare was in a basement and I didn’t like the idea of her spending all day in a basement with no windows, and they watched tv all of the time. But, I just let that go because they really did love her, and I was always afraid they would take it out on her if I was gripy! (Dumb, I know!) When the daycare closed, it was a blessing in disguise. I found a new one that was very well-organized and more structured. At first, I felt bad thinking that it would be like starting school at age 3. However, she LOVES it!!! So, regardless of your situation with your current sitter, I think that once Jayna gets older, she really might benefit from being in a situation that is more structured that provides activities geared toward children her age. Kids being stuck inside all day usually means bored kids, which leads to way too much TV!!!! So, I say you start looking, not with the intention of switching right away, but just to see what is out there. Then you can make a decision. I know there are advantages to home daycares and relatives watching, and you will have to take that into account. And, I worried about switching Ellie from the place she’d been, basically since birth, but then I realized that kids are flexible – way more so than we are!! Sorry about writing you a book, but I just thought I could help!! Oh, and btw, I saw Steve McGovern today, and he told me that I did it, repeatedly. :)
Post a Comment