Friday, February 12, 2010

Five for Friday: Self Censorship

I have a kid now.  Probably not news to any of you at this point, but I thought I should mention that since she is the reason for this post.  Well, not the post, but the content of the post.

Before I had a kid I had the mouth of a sailor.  Probably not news to most of you at this point.  But again, part of the reason for the content of the post.  Too many prepositions back there.  I almost tripped and fell.

Today's Five for Friday consists of the top 5 words or phrases I say when such things as Jayna dumping a bowl of oatmeal on me or me spilling an entire cup of juice because I'm trying to hold Jayna and prepare her juice cup happen.  And away we go:
  • Sunny beaches/Son of a B. Pronounced son of a bee.  I think this one is self-explanatory.  I say this approximately 37 times a day.  I said it this morning when I spilled some albuterol on the couch.  Stupid breathing treatments. "Sunny beaches!!  I hope that won't stain..or better yet, burn a hole in the couch!" 
  • Good gravy/Good night.  I'm not even sure what those really mean.  I have replaced many a curse word with these two phrases.  Such as when Jayna walks into a room and instantly (and I mean before I even turn around to see her there) starts screaming, "LIGHT!!!  LIGHT!!!  LIGHT!!!" and  throws a fit because I'm not picking her up to turn on the light.  I'll say, "Good gravy, Jayna!!  I'm coming!  Simmer down!"
  • G-Darn.  Pronounced gee darn.  This actually came from the television show Scrubs...which is one of my all-time favorite shows.  Short of gosh darn...or something like it. :)  "I can't get this gee darn humidifier lid off again!!"
  • Hello.  I know, weird.  As in, "What the hello are you doing??  Stop scaling the entertainment center like it's the Matterhorn!"
  • The first letter of almost any curse word.  As in, "Why the eff didn't the mail come today?  It's just a little snow!" or "How the h did she even do that?  She's only 3 feet tall!!"
So, there you have it.  I'm not necessarily proud of this list, but I'm more proud of this than I would be of a list entitled, "My 18-month-old daughter's five favorite curse words taught to her by yours truly."  So there.

How do all you other parents out there censor yourselves around little ears??

2 comments:

Michelle said...

I would have to admit to using the first initial. What the "h" and what the "f" come out quite a bit. For a while I was saying, "you gotta be kidding me" instead of other choice words, but then Sam started repeating that, and it's really not that cute when it's said back to me either. "For the love of all that is good and holy." I know-it's kind of long, but sometimes, it's the nicest thing that I can say. Usually, "for the love" is all I get out. I'll try to think of some more. I know I was saying crap a lot in the early years, but then he repeated that, so I had to censor it as well. Fun times.

Michelle said...

You are better than me! I try really hard, but the bad words just seem to slip. I'm still working on it... One of my new favorites (borrowed from the Orbitz commercial)that i say to Ellie almost everyday: "What the french, toast?"