How's THAT for a blog title?? I should get some sort of award or something..."Creepiest Blog Entry Title of All Time." Sounds good to me.
TMFYI stands for exactly what you think: Too Much For Your Information. Oh...you weren't thinking that? Sorry. The first installment of TMFYI can be viewed here. But read at your own discretion.
There are a couple of things that you should know before I proceed. 1.-I don't dress Jayna in the morning. My wonderful and helpful husband does. 2.-Sometimes Jayna likes to wear "big girl panties" over her pull up. 3.-I HATE the word "panties." Creepy in itself. I prefer underoos or undies. Even skivies is better. Just NOT panties. Ick. (That third one really doesn't have anything to do with the story. It was just an extra FYI.) 4.-Jayna's preschool/daycare only has 2 teachers, Megan and Tracey. There are only 15 kids, so 2 is enough. They are sisters-in-law and I love them both.
As usual, Chris dressed Jayna yesterday morning for school. I dropped her off, said goodbye and went about my merry way to work. After work I went to pick her up. When I walked in to get her, the first thing out of her mouth was, "Mommy! I have big girl panties on!!" I replied with, "Okay. But you have a pull up on too, right??" She simply said, "I have big girl panties on!!" Megan took a peek down the back of Jayna's pants and said to me, "Yes she has on both." And not having dressed my kid, I didn't find anything out of the ordinary. All was good.
So we drive the .5 miles to our house, walk in the house and here is the conversation that ensued:
Me: Jayna, take off your coat and boots and put them in the closet.
J: Okay, mommy...I want play dressup? I want my fancy dress.
Me: Okay. But first coat and boots.
(she takes her coat and boots off and immediately begins to strip down as you just CAN NOT wear regular clothes under your "fancy dress." I continue to bring stuff in from the car.)
Me: (just having walked in the front door to see a 2-year-old standing there in her "panties" and pull up holding her "fancy dress.") Ready for your fancy dress now?
J: Look at my new big girl panties mommy!!!! They have hearts on them!!!
Me: Um.....(quickly mentally searching toddler panty designs that we've purchased)....YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PANTIES WITH HEARTS ON THEM.
J: Yes I do. I got them at school.
Me: THOSE AREN'T YOUR PANTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
J: Yes they are.
Me: NO THEY AREN'T. Take them off NOW and we'll put some of your own on.
I then proceeded to have a lengthy conversation with Jayna about wearing ONLY HER OWN PANTIES.
So she takes them off and we put on some of her own panties. And I thank the heavens that she had a pull up on under them. She then hands me the ones she had on and I have a mental conversation with myself about how I'll just throw them in the washer and take them back to school and have a 15 minute long lecture with Megan and Tracey about the fact that if there is ONE THING you should keep straight at a daycare, it's THE FREAKIN' PANTIES. So...I take them from her and look at the size to see if I can mentally picture who is the size of these panties at daycare to decide who they could possibly belong to. And as I'm checking the size, what do I see? Skidmarks.
Yes. You read that right. I'll type it again.....SKIDMARKS.
Another mental conversation: maybe they've been washed and they're stained in there because when you have a 2-year-old who's learning to use the potty, you don't immediately throw away a pair of underwear that have skidmarks stained in them. I put them in the washer and then Chris comes home and I leave the house without telling him the story. I didn't get home until around 9pm.
I told Chris the story when I came home and he asked me what I did with said undies. I told him I washed them and went to get them so I'd remember to take them to school. I searched through the pile of clean laundry and found them only to see that those skidmarks?? They were gone.
You read that right too. I'll type it again in plainer English....THE SKIDMARKS WERE FRESH AND CAME OUT AFTER ONLY ONE WASH.
I can't begin to tell you the disgust I was feeling at that time. GROSS. DISGUSTING. YUCK!!!!!!!!!
I took them to school this morning and told Megan what had happened. And I did say exactly what I said I was going to: "Megan, if there is one thing to keep straight, it's the panties." She promptly agreed and apologized 9 or 10 times. But then she said, "And I know exactly what happened."
WHAT??? What the hell?!? How could you possibly know EXACTLY how my kid ended up in someone else's panties??
Tracey opened yesterday. Megan didn't come in until 9am. When Megan got there, Tracey was frantically looking for Zoie's panties. She couldn't find them anywhere and called it a total loss. She went to Zoie's spare clothes bin and got a clean pair. And either A.-she accidentally, without thinking about it, put Zoie's underwear on Jayna or B.-MY KID IS A BIG PANTY THIEF AND TOOK THEM TO WEAR THEM ALL ON HER OWN.
Be afraid, people. Be very afraid. I'm apparently raising a panty thief. Or something.
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