We went to Meijer because they have the dog food that Ollie eats and it saves me a trip to an actual pet store where I could **potentially** run into dogs that I would **potentially** take home with me...oh, and it's cheaper. I also had to pick up eggs, skim milk and....a bottle of wine. You know, like I said...the essentials.
Jayna knows what wine is. She knows what beer is. She basically knows what alcohol is because we taught her. And frankly, I don't care if y'all judge me for that. Go ahead, I'll wait.
We taught her this because I am of the strong opinion that lying about it would do absolutely NO good. She knows alcohol is a grown up drink. And even if we didn't teach her this, she'd learn it eventually.
So...back to Meijer.
I get the eggs, milk and dog food and head up to the alcohol. Jayna was sitting in the "backseat" of the cart (the basket part) and as I picked up a bottle of wine, we had this conversation:
J: Mommy, are you buying wine?
Me: Yep. I'm buying wine.
J: Mommy, you gonna drink the wine?
Me: Yes, at some point I'll drink the wine.
J: You gonna drink the wine mommy?
Me: Yes. Drink the wine I will.
(repeat the last 4 lines of that conversation 4 or 5 times)
J: You gonna drink it mommy?
Me: Yes...and do you know why I'm gonna drink it? Because you're CRAZY!!!!!!
And I threw my hands in the air and made a face similar to the one below when I said the word "crazy."
(Note: I have NO idea who this child is, but I bet she's hilarious.)
We both had a good laugh then looked at a few more trivial items and proceeded to the checkout.
When we arrived at the front of the store, all the lines were humongously long. And when you have 37 pounds of dog food, you have to choose your line wisely. And no, they couldn't just use the portable scanning device as my dog food was on the bottom of the cart and it wouldn't reach. I couldn't go to one of the 8 70-year-old women cashiers as they'd complain. So I ended up at the Self Scan.
I started my order and then hoisted my dog food up there to scan it myself. And it worked!! I was so proud of myself for scanning that dog food alone. I proceeded to scan the wine and the little box popped up on the screen that said "APPROVAL NEEDED. AGE VERIFICATION REQUIRED." And so I popped out my ID and handed it to the approaching 70-year-old cashier lady that was overseeing the 4 Self Scan machines.
She took it and typed in my info. As she was doing this, Jayna looked at her and said, "My mommy buy wine. She gonna drink it becaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuse....I'M CRAZY!!!!" And she even threw her hands up and made the face. And I fainted out of embarrassment.
Okay, I didn't faint. But every other part of that story is true. The old lady just shook her judgmental head and walked away. The others who heard it chuckled. And then I did too.
Well played, Jayna. Well played. That kid is hilarious...even if it is embarrassing.
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