Unbreakable Boston

Most of you know about my brief encounter with running.  You know that I ran a HALF marathon and that to say I "ran" it is a very sharp bastardization of the word.  I CRAWLED it.  I dragged my ass through half of it because I didn't properly train.

Many people who don't run or who have never enjoyed and/or tried it often asked me, "Why?  You aren't a runner.  Why do you want to do this?" 

And my response at first was "Why not?  How hard can it be?"

Well, dear readers, go back to the first paragraph.

After 8 weeks of training (not properly or enough), I learned just how hard it would be.  I also learned a few more things.  Such as I am my own worst enemy.  And the time, effort, blood, sweat and tears that goes into running JUST HALF OF A MARATHON (and doing it WELL) is so great that it can truly break a person who goes in with the wrong mindset.

And it broke me.

What it didn't break was my resolve.  My drive to finish.  My desire to try harder knowing now what I wish I would've known then.

The thing about running is that your biggest competitor is yourself.  It does no one any good for you to compare and contrast to others.  I went into a half marathon having NO practice at running.  NONE.  And I had no basis for comparison.  I sold myself short and thought I couldn't do it.  I cried because I could only run half of ONE MILE when I started.  I'd then have to stop and walk.  But the building of endurance and speed and muscles and heart and confidence were so great that I couldn't stop.  I literally couldn't stop.  I could see myself getting better little by little and I couldn't stop.  And that all ended on race day.

My experience with the actual race was an emotional one.  I didn't think I'd finish.  I didn't think I'd EVER run again after that race.  And I didn't until about a week ago.  I was traumatized...ALL BY MY OWN HAND.  I had no one to blame but myself.  And I had no one to get better than...but myself.

 

In all of my 32 years, running that half marathon was one of the most difficult things I've ever done for more reasons than I can list here today.  It took a toll on my body, my emotions, my parenting skills, my self esteem, my confidence.  And when I crossed the finish line, I cried like a baby.  I cried because I finished, but I also cried because I knew that, someday, maybe years into the future, that I could use this experience to do better.  To get better.  To be more prepared.  And I still feel that way.

 

*****

 

All of that above is my basis of thinking regarding what happened in Boston on Monday.  I do not, EVEN FOR A MINUTE, think that my training experience was at all the same in comparison to training for a marathon in terms of time, effort or difficulty.  But I do know what it feels like to pour yourself into something and come out the other side a different person.  It's an experience unlike any other.

 

My first reaction to the explosions was sadness.  Sadness for the lives lost, for the injured, for the families and the runners and the first responders.  For the businesses and the displaced Bostonians who now very abruptly had nowhere to live.  I shed many a tear and have shed more during this very entry.

 

My reaction after the smoke cleared was the most intense feeling of anger I've ever felt.

 

The cowardly actions of these "bombers" has effectively taken away from those runners and their families and friends something that is not easily gained.  The Boston Marathon is no joke.  It's lots of hard work and early mornings and blistered feet and freezing cold lungs and, above all, a sense of accomplishment like no other.  And these cowards have stripped these amazing people of that feeling.  Forever.  Every memory that the runners of the 2013 Boston Marathon have will be, at the very least, tainted by the abhorrent actions of just a few assholes.

 

That being said, the outpouring of support of the injured (both physically and mentally), the families and friends and the displaced population of Boston has been so overwhelming that it has brought about a new kind of tears...tears of hope.

If every incident of hate, cowardice, violence, etc. leads us to lose faith in humanity, then it only follows that responses to these incidents such as the response to Boston can only help us through...restore our faith, or at the very least, give us a glimmer of hope in this dark and ridiculous world we live in today.  It is so important to keep the faith.  The faith in goodness and justice and goodwill toward fellow man.  Without those, the bad guys win.

I could go on and on.  About our loss of public safety, our society QUITE LITERALLY going down the toilet, our media being complete douchebags regarding incidents like this one and about the first responders who reacted quickly with out regard for their own safety to help those in need.  What makes this story even bearable has been the very title of this post:  Boston has been unbreakable during this crisis.  You just can't crush that spirit.  That spirit of the runners and the helpers and the Bostonians.  You just can't do it.

If you don't follow Patton Oswalt on Facebook, you should.  He's always been one of my favorites and he's said it best here:

 

The good outnumber you and we ALWAYS will.

 

My thoughts are with those affected by this tragedy.  And runners, this is my message to you:  Keep running.  They can't break your spirit...it's far too mighty for that.