...which started with Manic Monday and will undoubtedly turn into Weepy Wednesday. I feel like a total parental failure today. Hey, atleast I had a good run, right?
A very high percentage of my brain tells me that Jayna is just entering her terrible twos and that things will eventually get better and even themselves out. But there is that small part somewhere in there that tells me that I'm doing a horrible job and that I am incapable of raising a child.
Here's the situation:
Jayna has been throwing about 15 fits a day ranging from throwing things at me or the dogs, throwing herself onto the floor, crying, kicking, screaming, doing things that she KNOWS she isn't allowed to do, and...most annoying and frustrating of all...hitting me. I don't know where she learned the hitting from. We don't spank her and she isn't around other kids who hit. She doesn't watch alot of television outside of Sesame Street and the occasional Spongebob. These fits are over EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN. She threw a fit this morning because I told her to carry her juice cup to the car. She threw it at me and then threw herself on the ground to cry and thrash around. So the juice cup got left at home. She throws fits when she can't have popsicles for breakfast. When Spongebob isn't on television. When you touch or look at her. When I'm on the phone. When we can't go outside because it's pouring rain. When I put her shoes on her. And all I can say is Oh. My. God.
I am the target of most of Jayna's fits. Is that normal? I feel like it is, but I could use some encouragement. She doesn't throw these fits nearly as often with Chris or Summer or anyone else. I always have to be the bad guy (which is fine...I'm here to teach her to be a functioning member of society before I'm here to be her friend at this point) and then she takes that out on me. And I hate it. But I know I can't just give in. That's just not how I work. Parent first. Friend later.
Yesterday afternoon and this morning were particularly bad. She had a time out almost as soon as I got to Summer's to pick her up for hitting me because she didn't want to go home. ALOT of her fits happen when it's time to go home from Summer's. Does this mean she's being babied? I don't know. All I know is that I canNOT do that everyday when I pick her up. Something has to change.
She then proceeded to throw more fits when we got home (about 5 different times) for various things like the dog walking too close to her and because she couldn't get her crayon box open. I just wanted to punch myself in the face.
This morning was equally bad too. First she didn't want to go to Summer's, so we started with a fit because we were leaving. And after I convinced her that we should go, it was a fit because she needed shoes and a jacket to go outside to the car. And then because I asked her to carry her juice cup. And then she threw her book in the car and threw a fit because I wouldn't give it back to her. AAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Once we got to Summer's, it was a fit because we were going into the house instead of walking to the bus stop (bus wasn't coming yet). Then it was a fit because she wanted Summer to carry her down the street. And then I got the hell out of there.
I don't know what to do. Should I just let her throw the fit and wait it out? Should I make her do things while she's throwing a fit? Like, when she doesn't want to leave Summer's in the afternoon, should I wait to put her in the car until she's done throwing the fit and no one is paying attention to her or should I put her in the car while she's throwing the fit to show her that she will still have to go home even though she's throwing a fit? Help. Please.
I do realize that the tantrum is a common occurrence and that I'll survive it. I also know that her little brain is growing and developing at the speed of light and that is sure to make her a little crazy sometimes. She is also getting her 2 year molars, so that is fun too. Just help me get through this!
Jayna doesn't get time outs for tantrums...she only gets a time out when she hurts someone because she's throwing a tantrum. I don't want to overuse the time out because then it becomes even more ineffective. I don't want to spank her. And I don't want to put her on a plane to Russia. But what do I do to alleviate some of these tantrums?
What do y'all do about tantrums? Do you stop the world for them or do you work through them? Do you have any helpful advice or stories or words of encouragement that will help me keep my sanity?
I seriously feel like she hates me and that I have no business raising a kid.
5 comments:
Remember me telling you all this about Layla just a month or so ago?! It just sucks and there is no one way to do things. You will figure out what works for you and Jayna... then that'll stop working and you have to figure something else out. But, I know how you feel... like why is my kid doing this? Everyone must think I never make my kid mind or do anything she doesn't want to.
Anyway, you are normal, it will be ok. :)
Danielle,
Bless your heart! Jayna is so lucky to have you. I have gone through this 4 times now. Twice with my two angels and twice more to a much lesser degree with Kensi and Eli (ask any grandma, they are angels to the 10th degree). They all threw fits...I threw a few myself right along with them. They do not learn to hit from seeing it or feeling it, it just comes naturally to them. Biting is the same way. It always has and it always will. I know how judged one can feel when one's child is acting out - it sucks. Just know that other moms and dads aren't judging you and everyone else will get theirs when they have children of their own.
Hang in there. I promise you it gets better. Every hug makes up for 3 fits...it's mommy math. ;) You will always second guess yourself, just know that no one on the planet is more uniquely suited to raise her than you are (Chris too). She is going to be awesome someday, she comes by it naturally!
Two things...first, if you were a crappy mom, you wouldn't spend this much time and energy on her behavior. Number two: don't wait until her fit is over to leave the sitter's house. She will start to throw bigger fits, so that she gets to stay longer. Drag her out kicking and screaming and do not say a word. Do not let anyone say goodbye to her or bribe her with treats. She is two and she is exercising the only leverage she has to try to stir you up. Don't show your weakness to the enemy...which in this case comes in a pint sized and loveable package. You are going to get through this and get to move onto bigger bolder tantrums soon. You are doing a great job!
I wish I had some advice but all I know about kids is how to have fun for a little while & then give them back. I'm convinced that it's harder for moms with daughters than with sons though. I don't know when it starts (apparently around 2), but I remember constantly being at odds with my mom growing up. Now I hope with all my heart I can be at least half as good a mom as she is. I know you feel like you're doing something wrong & just a bad mom, but you're not. You love your child so it hurts you when she's getting so upset over silly things. Summer gets to give her back at the end of the day, Chris gets to be the fun loving daddy. Even if he disciplines it's not the same as coming from the mommy. It sucks, but it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. Try the tantrum thing. I did that with a kid I was watching & it worked pretty well. She had no idea how to react when I did the same thing back to her so she just let the whole issue go.
You are definitely not a horrible mother! I'd say just carry on like the fit is not happening. Like if she throws a fit at Summer's, just pick her up mid-fit, don't acknowledge it, and walk straight to the car. Now, this will get harder as she gets older and stronger and you can no longer contain her! :) With Ellie, I find that me ignoring her is the most effective. It's all for show, so if no one is watching, then it's not that much fun. So if she is "fitting," just leave the room and go in a different room and start watching tv or doing something else. She might be "blessing" you with her fits the most often because she knows it gets to you the most. These girls are tricky like that!
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