Whit Wednesday on Thursday: I Cheated You Yesterday

Never again will I write a blog post including both funny anecdotes about Jayna and horribly depressing things about myself.  I felt like I was forcing people to read sad crap when they just wanted to read funny and cute stuff.  It's a brand new day.  I left the melodrama in it's cage at home where it belongs.  Read on!!

So, Chris had band practice last night. 

That's not really what this is about.  It's about the fact that he seems to miss all the funny stuff that Jayna does/says because she waits until he's gone to do/say it.

We got off to a rough start.  Her new favorite phrase is, "I don't want to."  And...seriously...I want to put tape over her mouth everytime she says it.  It grates on my nerves THAT much.

After a few time outs and some raising of voices, we finally got on the same page.  And then everything turned funny.

I love it when everything just turns funny.  It's my favorite turn.

Wow...that was a longwinded way of say, "Last night my kid did and said some funny things."  I sometimes like to take the long way.  Especially if it means I won't get to work early.  Ha.

When it rains, our dog goes crazy.  Ollie has never liked rain and thunder and lightning and wind and sun...let's just say he's definitely an indoor dog.  We sometimes have to pick him up (and he's 60 pounds so that's no easy task) and practically THROW him out the door when it's perfectly sunny and warm.  Who really knows why?  I'll tell you...NO ONE.  He's just weird. 

Anyhooters, it began to rain at our house last night and Ollie began his normal pacing/drooling/Chewbacca noises.  Jayna inquired as to why the dog was suddenly possessed (but not in those words.  Come on...she's only 2.5).  I told her that the barometric pressure hurt his ears.  "Mommy, what's bear-metchick?"  I explained to her that the barometric pressure rises when it rains and then we went to the back door to look out at the rain.  "Mommy, why is it raining?"  (Ahh...the questioning toddler.)  I said this: "Well, when Springtime comes, all the grass, trees, leaves and flowers need to grow.  To grow, they need to drink water.  Rain is Mother Nature's way of giving the grass, trees, leaves and flowers a drink so they'll all grow."  That seemed to satisfy her curiosity...except for one more question about who Mother Nature was and if she had any kids.  Then the rain stopped.

About an hour later, the rain began again.  Ollie curled up close to Jayna on the floor to feel safe.  That coupled with the fact that she could hear the rain clued her in that it was raining again.  "Mommy, is it raining again?"  I told her that it was.  She ran to the back door to look out.  "Oh...it's raining!!  The flowers gonna grow.  And the grass.  And my swing, and my car (her Little Tykes car that we leave under the swingset) will grow!!  Mommy!  I go outside now so I can grow!!"

The conversation after that was a fun one.  She was severely upset for a few minutes that she couldn't go outside, get rained on and grow big enough to "drive a real car."  (Thanks, Nana B.)

A little later I went into my bedroom to change into sweats and a t-shirt.  Of course, she followed me.  She had just gotten out of the bath and was traipsing around in only a pull-up at that point.  I took off my shirt and my bra and laid them on the bed and put on my t-shirt.  She looked on the bed and said, "Mommy...you took off your eyebrow!!"  She then grabbed my bra, held it onto her chest/belly area and walked around my bedroom saying, "Look at me mommy!!  I wear your eyebrow!!"  Where she got that a bra is called an eyebrow is beyond me.  I'm pretty sure I laughed so hard that I peed a little.  I really should've taken a picture.  A 2.5-year-old walking around whilst wearing an upside down bra is hilarious.

Jayna has occasionally suffered from a condition called labial adhesion.  Google it.  It's...ummmm...yeah.  Owie.  Anyhoozy, last night it came to my attention that this was beginning to happen again.  I won't go into great detail here...I asked her to lie down on the floor so I could apply some cream.  When I did, the problem corrected itself and when that happens there is a certain amount of discomfort that goes along with it.  While the discomfort only lasts for a day or so, that doesn't make it any less frustrating to a little girl.  So when I applied the cream, she jumped up and and yelled, "It hurts!!  My butt hurts!!"  Ummm, yeah.  That's not her butt.  My predicament at the time was if I should leave it alone or actually tell her what it is that hurts and put a name to said area.

I apparently decided in my moment of insanity that she was old enough to know a proper name.  I said to her, "Point to where it hurts."  She simply said, "My butt hurts, mommy!!"  Again, I asked her to point.  She pointed up front.  I said to her, "This is your butt." And I pointed to her butt.  "This is your vagina."  And I pointed up front.  Her retort?  "Well, then my thagina hurts."  That's pronounced like the real word, only without a V and add a TH.  And I almost peed again.  So her "thagina" hurt and then she went to bed.

It still hurt a little when she peed this morning, so I said...more to myself than anyone else..."I need to remember to tell Miss Tracey or Miss Megan at school so they don't worry about you."  She took that piece of information and stored it for later use.

When we arrived at school this morning, there were 3 other parents there...

It should also be said that on 99.9% of the mornings that I drop off Jayna, she is shy and doesn't talk until she's been there for around 15 minutes or so. 

After she took her coat off, she looked at me and said, "Oh...mommy!!  I'll tell Miss Tracey."

I was slightly confused.  That is, until she started to practically YELL across the room.

"MISS TRACEY...MY GINA (pronounced like "vagina" without the "va-"), RIGHT HERE (pointing to the afflicted area), HAS BEEN HURTING."

And now, by this time, all the other parents are silent and staring at....ME. 

And she continued, "My mommy put cream on my gina and said it will get better all by itself.  So don't worry about me.  I just wanted to tell you about my gina."

And then I fainted.  Or maybe not.

The End. :)