Sorry for the lack of blogging. I know y'all were sad to not read my blog for a whole week. :)
Last week I went to Bloomington for the conference thing on Thursday and Friday and the the weekend was packed full of junk too. Good, but packed.
WHITS
We've been talking with Jayna a lot about the change of seasons. She's super stoked that Spring is here because that means she can play outside. Yesterday she said to me, "Is it Summer yet mommy?" I told her no, it was still Spring. She said, "Can we make it Summer so I can go swimming?" :)
As we were playing outside a few days ago, Jayna heard the neighbor kid, who is around 6, call his cousin a dummy. She looked at me and said, "He said dummy. That's a bad word." She then ran over to the fence and yelled, "HEY YOU!!! You don't say 'dummy.' It's a bad word and you get a time out!!!"
I told her yesterday to "watch out for dog dirt" as she was walking through a particular spot in our yard. She said, "It's not dirt mom. THAT'S dirt." (pointed to the ground). She then walked over to some dog poop, got down close to it (her finger was about an inch away from touching it) and said, "THAT'S poop. And it stinks. And if I get it on my shoe I throw it away. Ewwwwww!!!!!"
Last night she asked me if we could trade panties. And then we had that SAME CONVERSATION about wearing only YOUR OWN panties. This can't be good, can it??
WOES
I'm full of woes today. Not sure why...just in a funk. I can't sleep. Ever. It's annoying. This happens from time to time, but this time it's lasting entirely too long. As in 3 weeks.
I am *almost* afraid to run. It's quite strange. After I was told that me putting too much pressure on myself was causing me to have the anxiety problem, I am afraid to put ANY pressure on myself. I'm looking for middle ground and I just haven't found it yet. I ran on Saturday with KT and went 4.5 miles in just under an hour. I thank her for being supportive and motivational. She was the perfect mix of a friend who cares and a coach who wants me to do my best. MY best. Not her best. MINE. That is soooo helpful. She also gave me some tips on how to make things easier on myself...including some lifestyle changes. I've done it before and I can do it again.
I'm just not sure how to do it on my own. I don't have enough confidence in myself that I could walk out my front door and run for 4.5 miles with no one there pushing me along. I WANT to. I'm just not sure I CAN. Besides becoming a parent, I'm not sure I've EVER been so unsure of myself as I am with this. Practice makes perfect, though, so I have to start trying.
My diet has gone to hell. Not diet in the sense of trying to lose weight, but just everyday diet in general. This winter was hell for me and I'm just now trying to get back on track. I was positive that I could stay at the weight I was at in October, make it through the winter, and pick up again in March to lose the last 10 or 15 pounds. Ha! Not likely. I've gained back a few...6 or 7....pounds and I now have just that much more to lose.
Something is off. Or someTHINGS are off. Have been for awhile. Don't really know what...but it would be nice to figure it out. I'm not sure I've EVER struggled this much with life in general. Somethings gotta give soon.
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