Don't call it a comeback....

I've missed you, blog friends.

May 20, 2011 was the last time I blogged.  Exactly 2 weeks.  Were you all wondering if I was raptured?

Yeah, didn't think so.

I have no less than eleventyjillion things to say.  Yes, they are mostly about my child.  And I don't care if you like it or not.


Intermittent Alternating Exotropia
First thing's first:  Jayna's eyes.  She actually has Intermittent Alternating Exotropia.  NOT Esotropia.  Esotropia means the eye turns inward.  Exotropia means the eye turns outward.  I'll explain this as best as I can with the knowledge I have of it.  Bear with me.  When Jayna focuses on an object in the distance, the eye that she is focusing with is looking straight, but the other eye is turned slightly outward.  She can focus with both eyes and she can even do both eyes at the same time, but most of the time one eye or the other wanders to the outside.  I think back in the day they called this "lazy eye."  Her vision is perfect.  She does not require corrective lenses, therefore glasses will not help her condition.  Glasses would only help if her vision was off.  Since it isn't, we are doing occlusion therapy.  For one hour a day, she has to wear an eye patch on alternating eyes.  MWF-Left, TRS-Right.  And we take the day off on Sunday.  On the first day, I put one of the sticky bandaid type of eye patches on her.  It nearly pulled her skin off when she peeled it off.  She then requested that I buy her a "pretty eye patch."  So I bought 2 plain black eye patches for $1.79 each at Walgreens and decorated them with various craft supplies in my neverending stash.  She loves them.

I asked the doctor a gamut of questions regarding what we would endure if the eye patch thing didn't work.  He said sometimes glasses (not in her case), sometimes they grow out of it, and sometimes eye muscle surgery is necessary.  I asked the likelihood of the growing out of it and the surgery and he said, "She's just so young.  It isn't causing her any stress or pain.  She can see well and she doesn't need glasses at this point.  It's too early to tell."  So...there you have it.  She has another appointment at the end of August to follow up.

A funny eye doc story:  After the nurse put dilating drops in her eyes, we had to go back to the waiting room for 20 minutes to let the drops take effect.  There is a foyer between all the suites in the building and all the suites have glass doors.  The bathrooms and elevators are out in the foyer.  We went to the bathroom and came back to the office.  One of the glass doors was propped open.  Jayna was directly behind me.  I went through the propped open door and then promptly heard a THUD.  I turned around and saw Jayna sitting on her butt on the foyer floor.  SHE HAD RUN INTO THE CLOSED GLASS DOOR!!!  She just looked up at me and said, "I silly, mommy."  And then laughed. The entire waiting room of patients laughed too.  She liked that. :)


Excuses, excuses.
Jayna now uses the excuse, "I'm tired." any time she doesn't want to do something.  It goes something like this:

Jayna:  I'm done with my dinner.
Me:  No you aren't.  You've eaten 3 bites.
Jayna:  But I'm tiiiiiiiiiiireeeddddddd.
Me:  No excuses.  You can go to bed right after dinner.  No playing.  No television.
Jayna:  I don't waaaaaant to go to bed. 
Me:  I thought you said you were tired?
Jayna:  (deer in headlights look)

I've learned now over the course of 2 months that the fastest way to diffuse her from this excuse is to simply say, "I don't care.  Brush your teeth anyway."  It may sound mean, but come live in my house for a week and see how long your patience lasts with that excuse.

About a week ago, Chris, Jayna and I went to our favorite Mexican restaurant on a random Wednesday for dinner.  She quickly started the, "I'm tiiiiiirrreeedddddd." about 5 bites into her food.  I looked over at her and said, "I don't care.  Eat your dinner anyway."  End of story.  She ate with a little whining and then we went home.

When we got home, she put her shoes directly in the middle of the entryway.  I tripped over them.  I got angry, but I kept my composure.  This was our exchange:

Me:  Jayna, come put your shoes in the closet.
Jayna:  I will do it later.
Me:  You'll do it now.  I just tripped over them and I don't want anyone to get hurt.  Please put your shoes in the closet.
Jayna:  I SAID I DO IT LATER, MOMMY!!
Me:  Okay.  Two choices...put your shoes away or time out.
Jayna:  I don't care mommy.  I not go to time out anyway.

I swear I can't say ANYTHING without her using it against me.  I have a feeling I'm in deep trouble when she gets older.  And I think she's going to be a lawyer when she grows up.  Or a con man.  You know...to-mayto, to-mahto.  (Haha! I kill myself!!)


Put me in, coach.
I haven't started running again yet.  Too busy with other things.  About twice a week Jayna asks me, "Mommy, did you run today?"  When I say no, she automatically, without hesitation, says, "Why?  You need to run."  I think Chris has something to do with this.


Who the hell is Clackly??
She has several imaginary friends.  She was driving her fairy car (thankyouverymuch HOLLY) around the house a few weeks ago and she kept saying the jibberish word "Clackly."  I asked her several times what it meant and she'd always say, "I'm just playing, mommy." or (one of her favorites), "I'm busy right now, mommy."  Finally I pulled her aside and said, "Jayna, mommy would really like to know what that word means."  She got a little tearful and said in a stern voice, "He's my FRIEND, mommy."  And stomped off.

I've read up a little on imaginary friends.  There are (as with everything regarding toddlers) conflicting theories.  It makes me a little angry that some of the theories suggest having another child so "the child isn't lonely in everyday life."  What if I COULDN'T have another child.  How would it make a woman incapable of having more children feel if she read that and then couldn't provide a sibling.  Jerks.  Jayna is NOT lonely.  She has friends at school.  She has her family.  And she has friends who are her age that she sees regularly.  I call bullshit on that theory.


Dream a little dream.
At 3:30 this morning, Chris and I woke up to the baby monitor.  Jayna was screaming, "Mommy mommy!!! I have to go potty!!!"  Chris ended up jumping out of bed faster than me to go get her.  When I got to her room she was walking to the bathroom.  She said, "I heard talking in my bed."  I went to her room and made sure there were no toys turned on in her toybox.  That's happened before.  I stood and just listened to make sure I couldn't hear anything else in there.  I could only hear the hum of her sound sleeper machine and her humidifier.  I went to our spare bedroom to make sure the computer speakers were turned off.  They were.  She was very freaked out.  Chris put her back in bed, sat with her for 5 minutes or so and then came back to bed.  Within one minute, she was crying for me.  I went in to see what was wrong and she was just standing in the middle of her room crying.  Chris followed me in.  She said, "There's something in my bed.  I heard talking."  We then agreed that she'd had a dream.

I went back to bed.  Chris sat with her for another 10 minutes or so and explained to her that she'd had a dream and that there was nothing to be afraid of.  He told her that there was nothing in her bed and that it was safe for her to go to sleep.

He came back to bed.  Again...within one minute she was crying for me.  I went in and she was heading for her door.  She said, "There's a dream in my bed, mommy."  I hid my laughter.  I explained to her that dreams are in our heads.  You can't touch them.  They are "like when you think."  I told her that one time I had a dream that I was flying.  That some dreams are good dreams.  She sat on my lap for a few minutes, I gave her an extra stuffed animal (her "George" monkey who seemingly protects her) and left Chris to sit with her.  At 4:10am, he finally came back to bed.  And sometime after that, she finally went back to sleep.  Chris and I, however, did not.  We were both worried about what could have freaked her out so bad.

We were both hoping that by this morning, she'd have forgotten about it.  Notsomuch.  She talked about it no less than 10 times by the end of breakfast.  We even had this exchange:

Jayna:  I sleeping on the couch tonight, mommy.
Me:  No you aren't.
Jayna:  Yes, mommy.  I not sleep in my bed.
Me:  Why?  Why won't you sleep in your bed.  Your bed is comfy and just the right size for you.  And all of you animals and blankies are in there.
Jayna:  But there's a dream in my bed,  mommy.  I not sleep in my bed till you get that dream out.
Me:  You want me to get the dream out of your bed?
Jayna:  Yeah.  It talked to me and scared me.  You get that dream outta my bed mommy?
Me:  You bet I will.  Right after school, we'll get that dream out of your bed!!  We'll tell it to go somewhere else!!

Oh, the things we do as parents.

So now I have to go "wash that dream right outta her bed."  Or something.  Maybe I'll also make some "Dream Spray" (you know, like "Monster Spray") and spray that.  Anything that will let me sleep past 3:30am.  Seriously.

So there's my world.  How's yours?