TOPIC:
"How do you keep in contact with your friends? Monthly dinners, weekly phone calls, daily emails? Are there traditions like a girls weekend or other things that you've kept going over the years? Do you still have friends you hang out with from high school, college or are most of your friends those that you've met in adulthood? How do you keep long-lasting friendships?"
Did y'all know it's Wednesday? I do, but I didn't realize it was Tuesday yesterday. Monday was my birthday and a day off, so Tuesday was like my Monday and Wednesday was like my Tuesday. That will eventually make Friday like my Thursday and I think that by this logic, I'd have to work an extra day. Screw that! Not gonna happen!
Anyhoo, here I am, playing catchup again. Such is life, I suppose.
When I read the topic above, I feel like I have a million things to say. And then when I start to write them all down, I don't know what to say.
When I was in high school, I couldn't WAIT to get out. Sure, I made the best of it and had friends and got good grades and all that junk, but high school is BRUTAL. It's petty and mean and judgmental and back-stabby (I don't think that's really a word). You couldn't pay me enough to go back. Ever.
If you were to ask me 6 or 7 years ago if I had any friends left from high school, the answer would have unfortunately been a huge NOOOO!!! But what it comes down to is that I was so rapt up in the bad things about high school that I sort of forgot that when I was going through a hard time, so were all of my friends. And that just because you don't talk to someone for 5, 6, 7 years does NOT mean that you've burned a bridge. You burn a bridge by burning a bridge. You don't burn one by...ummm...underuse. Or something.
I've never been a person to have a million friends. I generally don't like people because lots of people are jerks. Let's just face it. I've had friends in the past where the friendship was physically difficult to maintain and mentally difficult to WANT to maintain. While friendship takes work, it shouldn't be HARD. And if it is hard, then you should WANT to work for it. If I do all the work, then why do I need you as a friend? That's my cyincal but VERY true philosophy about friendship.
That being said, I've managed to either filter out all the bullshit friendships and hold tightly to the valuable ones. I've dumped the one-sided make-plans-but-never-follow-through ones and nurtured the back-and-forth I'll-always-be-here-and-I-know-you-will-be-too ones. And I feel like a brand new person.
Having friends in adulthood seems much more difficult to me than it seemed in childhood. I believe that this isn't only because we have more responsibilities as adults and less time for friendship, but that we (I guess I could just say "I") look for quality in friends instead of just quantity. Two things I said above completely coincide: Quality in friendships instead of quantity and holding onto the valuable friendships in my life. I don't need a LOT of friends...I just need some that I can count on that who can count on me too.
I have a friend from my college years who would be there for me no matter what. His wife happens to be Charlotte of The Dog Days of Life. I know that no matter what I need or what I want to talk about or even if I need to cry, he'll be there. Mark is one of the dearest friends I've ever had and I'm glad that I now get to have Charlotte as a friend also. I love them both even though we are all separated by a bit of distance.
I also have my local girls. The ones who can go out to dinner at the drop of a hat (or several hats depending on how many "hats" are in the family), who I can call at all hours of the day and who would rush to my aid if I needed it. Michelle of After 9 and Some Weekends is in this category. She and I talk about once a week (or try to) and try to make family plans atleast every couple of months. It gets a little difficult at certain times of the year, but we do our best. She is dear to me as are some of the others in this group and I know that I can count on her for just about anything. She is also a part of the group that we call Book Club, although we haven't all read the same book in...EVER. Atleast not since I've been a part of it. It should really be called Pizza and Beer Club. :)
How do I keep in contact with my friends? Emails, dinners, traditions that we've kept up with?
I keep up with most of my friends on Facebook. We keep up with each other's daily lives that way and we make plans that way. Some of us also use Facebook as a way of NOT really communicating with each other. It's very easy to send a Facebook message versus making a phone call. I try very hard to not do that. I do sometimes based solely on the time factor, but I try very hard to be more deliberate and personal in my communication with the people I call friends.
I also try my best to make plans with all of the friends I have who we like to hang with and who also make the effort. We have a lot of friends who have kids around Jayna's age and she's made lots of friends that way. Layla is one of her besties and Layla's mom Laura and I went to high school together. It's great that it works out that way.
Our Pizza and Beer Club group tries to do dinner every couple of months. We haven't been very diligent lately about keeping up because there are a MILLION babies in the group now!! It's hard to get away from the babies for pizza and beer.
Do I have friends from high school, college, adulthood?
I have a pretty mixed group of people. Many I did go to high school with, but lost contact with for several years before we hooked back up. Some are from college and some are just because we're friends. I enjoy making new friends, but that's much harder as an adult. Now that we have a kid, it's a little easier because we meet parents of Jayna's preschool classmates and the parents of the kids she takes swimming lessons/tumbling/dance with. Will those be long-lasting friendships? Who knows. Only time will tell.
How do I keep long-lasting friendships?
It takes work, people. A phone call. Keeping dinner plans. Not bailing on commitments like parties. Basically, be the friend you'd want to have. It's all about the Golden Rule. Do as you'd want done to you. If you don't want people to shut you out, don't shut people out. It's that simple of a philosophy.
I think one thing I could work on is to stop using the "I'm too busy." excuse. I'm not that busy. I'm not so busy that I can't take time out for someone who I call a friend.
Nurture your friendships worth nurturing. Get rid of the one-sided ones that bring you down. Easy as pie. :)
Now head on over to the other lovelies to see what they have to say!
Michelle - After 9 and Some Weekends
Nancy - Purple Peaches
Charlotte - The Dog Days of Life
Sarah - Just Living Daily
1 comment:
Well said, my friend. Love you too!
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