ToT: I've Learned a Thing or Ten

TOPIC:
Life lessons. What are 10 or 20 (or however many) life lessons you've learned so far? (Starting point: http://blog.cleveland.com/pdextra/2007/09/regina_bretts_45_life_lessons.html).


Life is hard...there's no denying that.  But for most of us, we've learned a thing or two to help us get through.  Here are 10 of my life lessons.

1. Never take life too seriously.  It's bad for your health, gives you heartburn and you won't make it out alive.
2. Remember that logically speaking, hate is the opposite of love.  Think of the people you love the most and how BIG that feeling is.  Do you have room in your soul for a feeling that big, but negative?  Now...do you hate people?  I don't.  It's takes way too much out of my life.  I need that energy to devote to those I love...positively.
3. There will be people throughout your life who serve a purpose and who weren't meant to stick around.  Find solace from the lost relationship by remembering what you've learned from it,  either what to do or what NOT to do, and use it to your advantage later in your life, but NEVER wish ill things to those lost people.
4. There are things in life that we call "rewarding experiences."  You won't know what these are until their over.  When you are knee deep in a "rewarding experience," you will think it's the most difficult/frustrating/life changing thing that's ever happened to you.  And then the next "rewarding experience" will come along and frustrate you more than the one before.  These things are only rewarding when you can step back, look at them, and know that you handled the situation in the best way you knew how.  And this is how we grow.
5. If you aren't learning, change your perspective.  I learn something from every experience I have.  I make mistakes and then I use the lessons the next time.  If you are making the same mistakes over and over and over again, try looking for these lessons in your experiences and try changing something.
6. Never eat a Wendy's frosty followed by too many shots of tequila.  Just...trust me on that one.
7. Be the bigger person.  Rise above the ridiculousness of childish namecalling.  Show those bastards that you have more class and self control than that.  Sticks and stones, baby.  Sticks and stones.
8. Learn when to shut your mouth.  There are several great quotes regarding this matter.  "Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."  "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."  KNOW WHEN TO JUST KEEP YOUR PIE HOLE CLOSED.
9. Do your research.  On ANYTHING.  Know what you're buying.  Who you're buying it from.  Know where you're going.  How you're getting.  What you want.  What you need.  DO THE LEG WORK.  The pros.  The cons.  The ins.  The outs.  The what-have-yous. (Thank you, Dude.)  Know what you're doing...and don't do it blindly.  Nothing worth having comes easy.  And even if you don't follow your plan, you'll be better off for having done the research.
10. Love.  Just...love.  There is always room in your heart for more love.  After all, all we need is love.  And bacon.  And the love of bacon. :)

ToT: My Little Soapbox

TOPIC:
Soapbox time! What is the issue that stirs your heart or gets you all riled up? What is your personal project or cause? How does this affect your daily life? How do you try to make a difference?


Oh geez, people.  To be honest, I don't know what's happening with our ToT group.  Soooo many things have happened this summer and I'm not sure if we'll all recover and recommit.  I will continue to write entries of a ToT nature probably until the day I stop blogging.  Which will probably be never.  As for the others?  They'll have to speak for themselves when they so choose.


I haven't written this entry FROM ALMOST 2 WEEKS AGO because it really had me stumped.  So stumped, in fact, that I started to wonder if I have EVER tried to make a difference in ANY arena.  EVER.

Sure, I donate money to the Susan G. Komen foundation.  Sure, I've participated in and bought things that support other causes.  Sure, all 3 of my dogs have been from shelters/backyards and I donate to the ASPCA.  Sure, I've rescued strays myself and even...ahem...rescued dogs out of people's backyards.  I am a strong believer that having a pet is a responsiblity that should be taken seriously.  Abuse and/or neglect is NOT acceptable.  If you can't mindfully take care of a pet, then don't have one.  And if you won't find a new home for that pet, I'll do it FOR you.  Just ask my friends.  They'll have some stories for ya.

BUT...I don't really get extremely riled up any of those things.  I support them, but I don't really expect others to support them just because I preach about them.  I suppose I just like to quietly do my donating (time and/or money) and my supporting on my own without asking others to get on board.

So there's that.  All that being said, I was absolutely sure that I could come up with something that I preach about that is NOT a cause or project.  I have very strong beliefs about certain sociological issues and/or personal choices.  And I make those beliefs well known to people who don't necessarily use their brains.

I thought about that paragraph above for about 2 days.  And I STILL couldn't come up with anything that I climb up on a soapbox for.  I *try* my hardest to be nonjudgmental and to let people live their own lives. 

My next step was to ask the people who know me and my...rants. :)  So I took a survey of 5 or 6 people to determine what they think my reasons for getting on my soapbox are.  Here are some of the real life responses and my comments on each:

RESPONSE:  "You are absolutely against irresponsible parents.  You know, the ones who never seem to put the child's needs before their own.  The ones who have no regard for the fact that they are raising a KID, but this KID will eventually grow up to be an ADULT that the rest of the world will have to deal with."

COMMENTS:  This couldn't be more true.  I am, for the most part, tolerant of all parenting styles, schools, etc.  And PLEASE KNOW THIS:  I do NOT think that parents do not LOVE their children.  That isn't the issue.  Where I take issue is when parents, (very young parents, more often than not...but not always) seem to think that the child they are raising in a sense ASKED to be born...like the child is an inconvenience and just another responsibility that they cannot handle.  We all have our moments.  I know I had a moment, in a very heated battle with bathtime, when I just had to walk away and breathe.  We ALL think our kids are being jerks sometimes.  But it is as simple as this:  parents are not just there to love their kids...parents are THE FIRST TEACHERS A KID HAS.  Some parents don't realize that before deciding (or not deciding) to have a child and some parents don't take this seriously even after it becomes apparent to them that the child DOES rely on the parents to learn things.  So my message to those parents who think their children are inconvenient and "just another mouth to feed" is this:  You made a decision (whether you chose to be pregnant or not...having a baby is a decision for the vast majority of us) to have a child.  Take that decision seriously.  You are not only raising a little baby/toddler/teenager.  You are raising a PERSON.  A HUMAN.  One that will inevitably have to live in this world on his/her own one day.  Make sure that HUMAN is prepared as well as loved.


RESPONSE:  "You are always tell people to be the bigger person.  You ALWAYS say that."

COMMENTS:  This is also true.  My thought on this is that once you resort to childish name calling and insults, you lose any higher ground that you may or may not have had.  I try very hard to raise myself above the ignorance of this sort of thing.  The best revenge is to live a good and happy life.  That's my philosophy there.


RESPONSE:  "You're always telling people to not be assholes."  "You're against assholiness." (The second one is in response to the first one, but it made me laugh so I included it. You're welcome.)

COMMENTS:  This is also true.  In 99.9% of the experiences in my life in which I've been mean, I've regretted it.  To clarify:  honesty and meanness are different in my world.  There is a way to be honest and to not be mean.  It's called tact and many people should learn about it.  In my opinion, there is NO reason to be a giant jerk in the majority of our experiences in life.  Remember:  You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.  Oh...and also, this BIG one:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Don't want people to be assholes to ya?  Then stop BEING an asshole.


RESPONSE:  "Hmm...It bothers you when people tell their own opinions without being open to hear others."

COMMENTS:  Bingo again!!  Closemindedness will the the death of us all!!!  And it sort of goes back to the Golden Rule here.  Sort of.  Why in the world would you think people will listen to your opinions on politics, religion, marriage, parenting, etc. if you are 100% COMPLETELY UNWILLING to listen to anyone other than yourself?!?  It baffles me blind.  Seriously. 


RESPONSE:  "I wouldnt say you preach to people about anything really. But opinions on say 'common sense' (be it from money, actions, driving) or people who give advice that obviously should not be giving such advice, or maybe something that should be very easy when you think of it but is definitely not - Communication."

COMMENTS:  All of that is true.  Common sense?  These days, common sense should be classified as a super power.  Here's a newsflash:  WE ALL HAVE BRAINS IN OUR HEADS.  There are some things that we all should know regardless of our place on the social ladder, the corporate ladder, in the world in general and all above and beyond how we were raised.  I am reading the BFG by Roald Dahl to Jayna right now.  She loves it.  There is some great social commentary in there no matter how old you are.  We are to the part in the book where the BFG relays to Sophie that humans are the only animal who kills its own.  While that isn't true in all cases, it is for the most part true.  We kill one another for NO known reason.  Animals may kill one another of the same species for reasons such as protection or territory.  But humans are the only animal who kills its own for seemingly no good logical reason.  Of course, that's a very BIG example in this world.  There are several other common sense issues that are much smaller and affect more of us than murder. 

Unsolicited advice is one of my pet peeves.  Who remembers the Sam's Club lady?  THAT is called unsolicited advice.  And unsolicited passive aggressive advice at that.  I try to only give advice when asked.  I do occasionally offer a kind-hearted gesture to my close friends when they're struggling and seem to be needing help.  I do NOT smother them with what I think to be the best way to do things.  And if they tell me to back off or that they don't need me, I let it be.  That's where so many people go wrong these days I think.  No one knows how to leave well enough alone.  I only offer what I know.  And I never do it to strangers.  Unless they ask, of course.  Why, just the other day, I helped a very nice older teacher lady choose a cardigan sweater.  She thanked me and we went about our business. :)

And a big one:  COMMUNICATION.  Good communication can generally solve the world's problems. :)  I can say that most friends I've lost and most failed relationships have been due to a lack of communication.  When Chris and I get into a disagreement, it most often is a lack of communication.  When someone I know stops all communication suddenly, I know something is wrong.  Communication is GOOD.  Tell people what you're feeling.  Let them help.  Have a back and forth and learn from one another.  This binds us together as a society.  I learned on the radio yesterday that because of technology, the art of conversation is at risk.  That bugs the shit out of me.  There is nothing better or more refreshing than a good face to face conversation with a good friend.  I probably preach this more than any others.  Because it is so very important for our society and for our mental health and for our sense of comraderie. 


So, there ya go.  I got all preachy on y'all.  And while there are a whopping 5 different responses up there, I think that most of you would agree with me when I say that they're all related.  In my opinion, all of the things I preach SHOULD be common sense.  We should all know these things.  I think most of us do, but actions and knowledge are very often different.  I preach teaching your kids, using your brain, listening to others and being nice to your fellow man, dog, fish, etc.  Be nice.  Nobody likes an asshole.

Now go visit the other ToT ladies (although many are on hiatus) and see what they climb up on that soapbox for.  Happy reading!

ToT: When Life's in the Crapper...

TOPIC:
List 30 things that you take for granted that you have gratitude for-you can elaborate as much or as little on each item.


So I know the topic says "List..." which is usually right up my alley, but I have some things to get off my chest first.

I haven't been blogging lately because it seems way too trivial.  Trivial in the sense that my focus has needed to be elsewhere. 

Dudes...my friends' lives are in the crapper. 

I don't really want to elaborate because I don't want to, you know, air all of my friends' dirty laundry on my blog.  That just ain't kosher.

Numerous divorces.  Custody battles.  Financial struggles.  Medical problems.  Medical problems of my friends' close family members.  Lost jobs.  Lots of tears.  Lots of stress.  And LOTS of me sitting around trying to figure out how to help.

The truth is that short of just being a good listening ear, giver of sound advice, shoulder to cry on, sounding board to vent to or an outstanding drinking buddy, I can't help.  And...it's killing me.

I blame it on my motherly instinct.  It is well known that I don't really like...people.  I like CERTAIN people.  And when someone becomes a CERTAIN person, they then have to deal with all this crazy I have up in my brain.  And when any or all of those CERTAIN people are hurting, I just want to take away the hurt.  Just take it for myself.  Just as I want to take away all Jayna's hurt.  I would've gladly gone under the knife for eye surgery for her.  I'd gladly go across the monkey bars for her since she is having such a hard time with it.  I'd GLADLY take away the pain of those CERTAIN people if it put a smile on their faces and a little hope into their hearts.

Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way.  We are shaped by our experiences.  Our experiences teach us how to act, how to live, how to survive.  And I can't survive for these people.  They must continue to be functioning members of society on their own.  But it still hurts my heart to see them go through these things.

And as I sit and watch my friends lives go down the crapper and the world crumble around me, I have MUCH to be grateful for:

1. I have the greatest husband that ever lived:  supportive, loving, a GREAT father to Jayna, a good provider, and my bestest friend for all eternity.  Although I've recently seen other outstanding husbands in action lately (read: Mark), I still attest that Chris is just the best person that I could've ever teamed up with.  That's what we are, you know.  A team.  To us, that's what a marriage is.  Sure, we disagree.  We get mad.  And then we communicate.  And then we hug.  And then we make fun of each other.  That's how we do.
2. I am somehow managing to help raise the kindest, most polite child ever.  She regularly uses her manners and also compliments me atleast one time a day on something or another.  "Mommy, you look pretty today."  That can very well be the difference between a totally shitty day and an okay day.  I just love her. 
3. I know that, whatever the situation, I can count on my family.  I have some of the best parents there are and I know that I can always count on them.  I am also very grateful that I can now call Chris' parents my family.  They love me and support me in all that I do.  It's nice to know that there is always someone out there who'll have your back come hail or high water.  It's just a great feeling.
4. My job.  Good grief...I've never been more grateful to have a job, no less one that is flexible, pays well and provides me with health insurance.  With so many people suffering from un- or under-employment, I am so very thankful to be employed.
5. My friends.  They are, and have been in the past, my lifelines.  They bring me back to reality when I'm being dramatic.  They help lift me up when I'm down.  The make me smile, make me think and help me work through my issues.  I don't know what I'd do without you all.
6. Wine.  I'm really thankful for wine. :)
7. The ability to provide opportunities for Jayna.  Whether it is being able to afford these things or simply taking the time to do things with her, I'm grateful that Chris and I are dedicated to this.
8. Rain.  Never before have I spent so many days wishing it would just rain.  I feel for the farmers whose crops have suffered because of the drought.  Hopefully the mild fall weather will save atleast some of them.
9. Technology.  I wouldn't have the ability to communicate with some people without all of the ways we have today.  I am grateful that I can email, Facebook, text and/or call all of the people I care about near or far.
10. Oliver.  He is the comic relief in my life.  He is also very annoying at times, what with his weird catlike behavior.  Nonetheless, he makes me laugh and gives me snuggles when I need them.
11. Shelter.  Yes, shelter.  I've spent countless hours HATING my house.  It's too small.  Too cramped.  Not in the school district I want.  I don't have a pantry.  Or a master bath.  Or a laundry room.  But here's the thing, y'all:  I HAVE A HOUSE.  A house that I can afford that isn't in a bad neighborhood.  And I am thankful that I don't have to live in my car.
12. Peanut butter.  I love me some peanut butter.
13. Freedom.  Plain and simple. 
14. Painting.  Painting provides an outlet for me that I never knew.  Scrapbooking didn't do it.  Candlemaking didn't do it.  The numerous other hobbies I had didn't do it.  But painting doesn't serve any other purpose than me putting paint to canvas.  I'm not preserving memories or making something useful in the sense that it has a higher purpose.  It is art for art's sake.  And I love it.  Now to find more time to do it.
15. Jayna's preschool.  We chose her preschool based on 3 factors:  it is close to our house (less than a mile), it was in our price range and when we met the 2 women who owned it, I loved them.  That's...it.  We didn't choose it based on academics (they opened 2 months before Jayna started, so we had no idea).  We didn't choose it based on how many kids went there (7 at first).  And we didn't choose it based on popularity (again, just opened).  And despite a few minor setbacks/flaws that have been worked out, it has turned out to be a perfect fit for Jayna.  She is learning at a rate that I didn't think was possible and a large part of that is due to her teachers.  I love them and so does Jayna.
16. A kid who sleeps through the night 99.9% of the time.  Jayna woke me up at 1am because she was having a dream that she thought was real life.  And it has screwed up my whole day.
17. Quick dry nail polish.  Hey...YOU try polishing 10 wiggly fingers and 10 wiggly toes and THEN tell me it won't make your gratitude list.
18. The nice people at CVS.  $35 refund that I didn't think I was going to get?  Yes please!!  Thanks, nice pharmacy lady. :)
19. Lunch hour.  It's fast approaching and I will take full advantage of it today.
20. Weekends.  How else would I have time to sleep in?
21. Zyrtec.  It has pretty much saved my life this summer.
22. My health.  I am very lucky to be so healthy.  I do have some things to work on (exercising more), but all in all, I'm doing well. 
23. Smores.  Man, that's a gooood dessert.
24. Mexican Monday.  Even though it isn't Monday.  Dude, I must be hungry.
25. Sunshine.  I don't always think about it, but I am in a much better mood if the sun is shining.  It can be 10 degrees, but if the sun is shining, the day is better.  I am grateful for all that vitamin D.
26. My doctor.  She must be the most caring doctor there ever was.  She's helped me through so many things it isn't even funny.  She even helped me come to terms with running the Mini last year.  She's an OB/GYN, but I still go to her for everything.  She's the most helpful doctor I've ever had.
27. Our decision to cut the Cable Television Cord.  It has freed up more time and money than we ever though possible.  And we don't even miss it.  Except for baseball games and Monday Night Football. :)
28. The food on my table.  I complain ALL THE TIME about the price of groceries.  But guess what?  I can still afford them.  And sadly enough, that puts me ahead of many Americans.  I am grateful that I am able to provide food for our family.
29. The harmonica.  It's brought so much joy to my life.  I never knew I could do it.  But with Chris' support and prodding, I began and I'm actually pretty good at it. :)
30. Air conditioning.  It was so freakin' hot this summer that we really would've missed it had it not been around.  Some of the houses in my neighborhood don't have central air.  I feel for those of you who don't have it.  I know it isn't a necessity, but it sure is nice.

Writing out all of that really puts things into perspective.  I urge you all to think about what you're grateful for.

What are you all thankful for?  Now use those links to the right!!

ToT: Living Life or Too Busy?

TOPIC:
Read this article:  The Busy Trap.  Are you guilty? Do you have many self-imposed obligations making you too busy to enjoy life? And if you have kids, what about your kids? Do they have activities that keep them busy? Are you okay with being too busy or would you like to let go of some of those self-imposed tasks?


Go ahead...go read it.  You aren't too busy to read about being busy.  Trust me.

I do, however, think it speaks volumes that my entry regarding being "crazy busy" is over a week late.

I also think it is hilarious that we're writing about this topic in one of our "self-imposed obligations."  Blogging is fun, but it is definitely self-imposed for me.  It isn't my job and it isn't necessarily my livelihood.  But I like to do it and I WANT to do it, so I've made the once a week obligation.  And I have failed at it many times.

But that's okay.  If I'm not failing at atleast SOMETHING, I'm not learning anything.  There is a lesson in every experience I have. The lesson here is that if I am going to make obligations for myself, I should probably make sure I can keep up with them. 

Or...and here's the hard part....NOT MAKE SAID OBLIGATIONS.

Interestingly enough, my entry isn't late because I have been "crazy busy."  It's late because I've been making a living AND making a life.  Work and play.  That's what we do.

I've let go of many things.  I've stopped snapping 3 bajillion photos a day in the name of "preserving memories."  I've stopped making plans for every single solitary free second of my life.  I've stopped blogging religiously.  And I am much less of a Facebooker these days, although I'm still there. 

I just need to live.  To experience things.  And DO things.

And I am.

The thing about my family (Chris, Jayna and I) being busy is that we're having the time of our freaking lives while we're being busy!!  We're going to festivals and the zoo and baseball games and museums and seeing our friends and eating ice cream at the park and going on vacation and going to our friends' birthday parties and all sorts of fun things.  All self-imposed?  Yep.  All totally outstanding?  HELL yes.

We had a family gathering with my side of the family a few weeks ago.  My uncle extended an invitation for Chris, Jayna and I to visit him anytime we want.  I said to him, "Well, now that August is almost over, we should be less busy with things."  He looked straight at me and said, "You've been married for 10 years and since then I've never known you to be NOT busy."

He's right.

I LOVE to be busy. 

To tell the truth, I probably have some sort of ADD problem.  I can't sit still.  If I have to sit still for a long period of time, I get fidgety and I bite my nails.  I shake my leg.  I tap on things.  I just can't sit still (I'm shaking my leg RIGHTNOW).  I like for my hands to be busy and my mind to be engaged.  And those things lead to...busy.

As far as obligations, that's something I have to work on.  I have a difficult time saying no to people.  I love to see my friends even if it means I'm not giving myself any downtime.  I like to help people out.  And I LOVE to provide new and exciting experiences for Jayna.  I have a hard time passing things up to just sit at home.

This does seem to take some of the spontaneity out of life.  It is rare that someone can call me on Thursday and ask me to do something on Friday night.  Chances are I've already planned something. 

I do not, however, make too many obligations for Jayna.  She has ONE activity:  tumbling.  If she decides when she's a little older that she wants to do more things, we'll talk.  But I want her to have time to focus on things.  I don't want her to feel like she has to fill up her time just to be filling it up.  Obligations will come as she ages.  To me, it is important to just let her be a kid.

Jayna LOVES to stay home and play.  We try very hard to provide almost one full day of every weekend for her to do that (while we keep busy with home/art projects or chores).  She's a kid who needs downtime and alone time.  She likes to go in her room, close the door and let her imagination run wild.  ALL BY HERSELF.  We'd never do ANYTHING to screw with that.  I never want her to think we were responsible for stifling her imagination or creativity in any way, shape or form. 

So...have we fallen victim to the Busy Trap?  I don't know.  We definitely live a full life.  We could probably use more downtime.  But we definitely just don't want to sit around and watch television all day.

Now go check out the links to the right for the other ladies' opinions. Or...are you too busy? :)

ToT: What the hell is a handbasket?

Topic:
People often say that our country is going/has gone to 'hell in a handbasket'...do you agree? If so, what do you think is driving this...politics, changing family values, something else? Or, do you feel like we are generally doing okay considering things going on in other parts of the world?

I'd just like to say that it is officially 3 days after Tuesday.  And not ONE of the ToT-ers has posted regarding this topic. 

Sure, one just had twins.  And one has lots of kids and a full time job.  One is in the military and is very busy with training.  And one has been laid up this week with a crazy weird thing going on.  But still.  I am the first.

I spoke in person (I KNOW, RIGHT?!?) with fellow ToT-er Michelle last night and she asked me, "Have you written your ToT post yet?"  When I told her I hadn't and that the reason was because I don't really know where to go with it, she responded with, "Yep, me too!!  I keep thinking, 'I don't want to go there!!!'"

I'm glad I'm not alone.

But I trudge on.  And I try to tackle the difficult stuff.  All in the name of ToT.

There is no easy answer to this question.  And I have approximately 75 answers that go down several different avenues.

I think for most people, the answer to this question boils down to just a few factors.  1.  Age.  2.  Children  3.  Political involvement and/or non-involvement.  And then there is also a heirarchy that goes with each of those 3 things.  Damn...I should just draw a flow chart. 

BUT...even with all that being said above, I believe that our perception of the world comes down to one thing:  THE AMOUNT OF INFORMATION THAT IS READILY AVAILABLE TO US AT THIS POINT IN HISTORY.

Think of a pyramid.  The food pyramid (which has now been replaced with a plate...guess that shows my age a bit), Maslow's Hierarchy, whatever pyramid you want to think of, and place the three things I named above near the top.  Those three things can be broken down into more specific things.  At the very tip top, place "Information Readily Available About ANY Subject."

Don't get me wrong here.  Ignorance is NOT bliss.  Knowledge IS power.  But COMMON SENSE seems to be anything but common these days.

There is no denying that the older we get, the more aware we become of certain things.  We develop ideas and opinions of (hopefully) our own instead of just blindly believing in what our parents tell us to.  Many of us become aware of politics and choose a side.  Many of us have children..and BELIEVE YOU ME that having children GREATLY changes a person's view of the world.

We start watching the news.  We read the newspaper.  We have adult friends with whom we openly discuss our world views.  We become...informed.  And while being informed is an outstanding and liberating idea, I do believe that there is a such thing as being OVER informed (read:  MISinformed).

Let's use Facebook as an example.  Election season is upon us and people are coming out of the woodwork to declare their allegiance to whoever the next patsy is that will become our president.  Sorry, kids.  They are ALL patsies.  I know many of you will disagree with me.  But there isn't one president who took this nation and made it great ALL alone and made it great for ALL of us at the same time.  There is always someone or another pulling those puppet strings.  That's just the way it is.

As I scroll through my newsfeed, I'm bombarded by links to news articles about all types of political peoples doing ridiculous and stupid things and saying crap that should NEVER be said by anyone, let alone by someone who'd like people to vote for him/her.  Now answer me a question:  DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR, FIRST ELECTED OFFICIAL, FIRST PERSON EVER, FIRST ANYTHING, WHO HAS DONE AND/OR SAID SOMETHING OF THIS NATURE?

You bet your ass it isn't.  This may be the eleventybillionth time someone did something like this.  It's just that now we all know about it 24/7/365 through millions of outlets.  And we really can't get away from it.  If you're on Twitter, you see it.  If you're on Facebook, you see it.  If you're on Youtube, you see it.  If you're on Pinterest, you see it.  Television, radio, internet, people talking in a restaurant.  IT'S EVERYWHERE.  And we can't escape.  This isn't the first time it's happened.  It's just the first time that we've all been informed of it in a million different ways mere seconds after it actually happens.

Politics isn't the only victim of this flood of information.  Try raising a kid these days.  There are no less than 80 million websites telling you everything from how to tell if your child will be autistic at the age of 3 months to how to potty train a kid by one year old to how to deal with a growth spurt to how to...how to...how to...  And a whole other lot of "Don't do" websites/blogs.  And a whole other lot of "You're a horrible person if you do/don't do" websites/blogs. 

And if you aren't internet savvy?  Go to the library.  Everyone and their effing brother has written a book (including the ever-famous/batshit crazy Jenny McCarthy) about raising children.  (Sidenote: Here is my piece of propaganda for the decade.  Don't be overly sensitive here.  I OPENLY SAID that it was propaganda.  But I still think it's interesting.)  Hell, I think I'm going to write a book about raising kids!!!  I've raised one to 4 years old and she's still alive, so I'm pretty much an expert, right?!?

My point in all of this is that I have NO idea if the world is going to hell in a handbasket.  And by the way, what does that even really mean?!?  If there is going to hell in a handbasket going on, then it's not because of the world.  It's because of...US.  People.  Humans.  You and me.

We don't know how to do anything on our own.  My mom raised me in a time where the internet didn't even exist.  She read NO books about parenting and/or raising children.  And here I sit, a good head on my shoulders, NOT in therapy from her screwing me up and raising a child of my own!!!  Praise the Lord!!!  People CAN do things without being so informed that it is truly a handicap!!!

We don't know what to think.  We don't know how to process information and make informed personal decisions without the help of media outlets.  And for me in particular, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IS ACTUALLY TRUE IN THIS FLOOD OF INFORMATION.  Am I alone there? 

We don't even know how to take care of babies.  I firmly believe in the motherly instinct.  I really do.  I think it is programmed in us to know how to raise kids.  But good grief...we're all standing around doubting ourselves and our abilities because Dr. Sears said breastmilk is best. 

Y'all...we KNOW how to do this.  We KNOW how to make informed decisions.  We KNOW how to DO THINGS!!!  And most of all, we KNOW how to use the BRAINS IN OUR HEADS!!!!!  Or do we?

The world itself hasn't changed much in my opinion.  It's people who've changed.  We've lost our way.  And it's crippling.

When I was younger, I told people that I didn't want any children because it would be very difficult to raise a kid in this world that we live in today.  And then I looked around.  And it suddenly became my CIVIC FREAKIN' DUTY to raise a functioning member of society.  If we don't teach kids how to NOT send the world to hell in a handbasket, THEY WON'T KNOW.  Simple as that.

So...what do we do?!?  We raise the next generation.  We do good by our families, our kids, our communities.  We become the change we want to see (Thanks, Ghandi).  We trust in ourselves.  And most of all, we do all of this with compassion and understanding and a helpful hand.

And this too shall pass.

ToT: Abe Lincoln, 4-Way Stops and Violent Hugs

Topic:
For something fun, lets write about the olympics. If you could participate in any olympic event, what would it be, and why? Is there anything that really irks you about the Olympics? Do you watch them, if so why, and if not, then why not? What is your least favorite olympic event and why? If you saw the opening ceremonies what did you think?

Okay.  So...

Umm...geez. 

As it turns out, I don't really have any strong feelings about the Olympics.  I do, however, have my own comments and/or observations about some things that I saw/heard/read/etc.

This will be list form because that is how my brain is working right now.  It is mush.  Planning parties is so great and so irritating at the same time.  Seriously. 

• If I could be an Olympian, I'd probably do something that I could half ass.  Let's be honest here, people.  I can hold my own when it comes to most backyard sports.  Even though I CAN run, I'm slow.  I'm not at ALL graceful like the gymnasts or the divers.  I really hate sand in my undies, so I wouldn't even THINK of volleyball.  And I look like an idiot in a swim cap, so that's out too.  Is darts an Olympic sport?  If not, it should be.  I'll kill you in darts.  Except then the Olympic committee people would have to allow beer drinking because it is a proven fact that people get better at darts and pool when they are drinking.
• You know something that should be an Olympic sport?  THE FRACKIN' FOUR-WAY STOP BY MY HOUSE.  It is NOT rocket science, people.  Yes, there are railroad tracks involved.  Yes, it gets busy sometimes.  But THE GENERAL RULES OF FOUR-WAY STOPS STILL APPLY.  And if you can get through that stop sign without cursing with a copycat 4-year-old in the backseat, getting run off the road, getting cut in line or getting hit by a train, you DESERVE a medal. 
• Chris and I were in the bar at Scotty's the night of the opening ceremonies.  The ENTIRE bar collectively agreed that it was weird.  And around 75% of us agreed that the dudes in the stovepipe hats were really supposed to be 50 Abraham Lincolns.  That being said, we all loved the James Bond scene and it brought us all closer together as a...bar?  Anyhoo, weird.  And that's my final answer.
• I think Ryan Lochte is a douche.  There, I said it.  Yes, he may be hot.  Yes, he may be good at swimming.  Yes, he is worth lots of money.  But he seems to be slightly full of himself (moreso than other humble Olympic athletes) and the fact that he even thought FOR ONE SINGLE SECOND that it was acceptable to receive a medal with a grill in his mouth, American flag or not, proves just a little bit that I am right.  Did you know he has a pair of shoes that were custom made and on the bottom of one, it says Ryan and the bottom of the other says Lochte?  You know why?  So when the bottom of his shoes get wet and then he walks on dry pavement, the ground SAYS HIS DAMN NAME.  Sounds like a good way for stalkers to find you if you ask me.
• People should shut the bleepity bleep up regarding Gabby's hair.  The end.  This is why I don't go near Twitter.  There are a bunch of lunatics and jerks over there.
• The synchronized diving was AMAZING!!!  I totally lost my mind over that.  I did, however, seem to become a legitimate judge after watching about 4 dives.  I yelled at the television.  I told the judges they were wrong.  THAT WAS RIGGED, I screamed.  It's crazy how passionate I was about who was winning.  Seriously.
• At one point in time I saw a clip of the USA women's volleyball duo (go ahead and call me unAmerican for not remembering their names...I have a life, jokers) hugging after they won.  I had just glanced at the screen and I thought women's wrestling was on.  THAT'S HOW VIOLENTLY THEY WERE HUGGING.  I wasn't sure if they won or if they lost and were in a major catfight right there in the sand.

So there y'all go.  Those are my thoughts regarding the 2012 Summer Olympics.  Interesting, huh?

Now use the links to the right and visit our other ToT-ers!!!

ToT: What's in a (nick)name?

TOPIC:
Nicknames. Did you have one growing up? How did you get it? Do people still call you that? If you have kids, have you given them nicknames?

This week is stupid. 

I'm telling you that because that is my SOLE reason for posting late. 

I'm fighting the urge to go into detail. 

Okay.  I won't fight it anymore.

On Monday, I came off of a VERY busy weekend that would've been better suited for a person 10 years my junior.  I was very much looking forward to falling asleep on the couch at 8:15pm on Monday evening.  BUT...while we were playing outside with Jayna, we noticed that a giant limb had broken on one of our smaller-but-still-giant tree and was just lying in the tree. 

One phone call to the father-in-law later, I was sitting on the patio drinking wine and assessing the health of a tree.  That evening turned into a late night. 

We had lots to discuss that had absolutely nothing to do with trees.

Tuesday was harder.  And more stupid.  I was even MORE tired and sort of weak feeling like I was getting sick.  But I trudged on and went to work all day, came home to prepare some things for dinner, went to get Jayna, stopped by a cousin's house, and came home to a tree being cut down.

Who knew they were going to start THENEXTDAY?!?

So last night turned into a late night also.  A late night of trying on a very cool hard hat.

It had a face shield and ear muffs.  Seriously.  I want one of my own.

It also may have turned into a beer drinking night.  Not too much...just enough to make me not sleep as well as I needed to.

Dudes...I'm worn out.  I'm too old for this shit.  I.  Need.  Rest.

And that whole damn tree still has to be cut into firewood.  During a burn ban.  The irony.

Where was I?  Oh, right.  Nicknames.

I've had LOTS of nicknames over the years.  Some meaner than others.  Some I don't even want to write about because I know some of you (read:  Quags) who read will use this to your advantage. 

It's all in good fun, right?  RIGHT?!?

The very first nickname I received as a kid was Dani.  Just a shortened version of my name.  Shortened?  Yes.  But the formation of a boy's name?  Yep.  And I sure did HATE it until I was in late middle school.  People still call me Dani and it's almost what I prefer.  When I hear someone say my real name, it definitely gets my attention a little more because I'm not used to it.  Most of my family calls me Dani.  A few friends and their parents call me Dani.  It just stuck and I'm pretty sure it isn't going away.

The second nickname I received was Charlie.  My mom started calling me Charlie when I was...hell, I think it was out of the womb.  I've always been Charlie to her.  Charlie Goose.  I don't know how the goose part got in there, but that's a popular one too.  And now that I'm older, others caught on too and call me Charlie.  My stepdad calls me Chuck a lot of the time.  Even my dad calls me Charlie.  And I'll pretty much take this one to the grave.

When I was around 6 or 7, my neighbor Chad and his friend Jason nicknamed me Smelly Danielley.  And I wanted to KILL them.  They were much older than me, by about 8-10 years, and they just did it because I was Spacey Tracy's friend (Tracy is Chad's younger sister).  Tracy and I are still friends.  Little did I know, but Chad would become a very dear friend to me also.  I still love that guy and I am really happy that he has such an awesome family and life in general.  I'm not mad at him anymore...25 years later...but I'll still cut you if you call me...THAT nickname.  I'm pretty sure his immediate family are the only ones who have the rights to that one.

Fellow ToT blogger Michelle and I had interesting nicknames for one another.  Jiggler and Mathass.  She was NEVER addressed in writing as Michelle.  It was sort of like we  had code names for one another in case we got caught passing  notes...because we did it ALL.  THE.  TIME.  She is the only person who has ever called me that.  And she's the only person I'll allow to call me that.  Some things are just special. :)

In college, I became Dee.  I would even introduce myself as Dee.  All of my fellow Philo students called me Dee.  Teachers called me Dee.  Friends called me Dee.  I think the credit for this one goes to either my crazy Indian friend Mitesh or my crazy weird ass roommate Seth.  (Boy do I miss both of those guys, as well as that other pesky Chris Kohler).  The only people who did NOT know me as Dee were my family and the people I worked with.  Some of my coworkers called me Dee, but not very many.  I am still known as Dee to lots of people.

And then P.Diddy came along and we all had the "initial nicknames."  I became known as DeeDub by my School Age Care kids (a fourth grader named Lucas to be exact).  I was married by then, so my initials were DW.  The kids quickly made that into a hiphop name because I am so fly.  Or something.  This one has stuck to this day.  I got a message on FB a couple of days ago from a School Age Care coworker who didn't know my full name...only knew me as DeeDub.  So it took her EXTRA long to find me on FB. :)

Who knows who this is?

It had been noticed throughout my married life that my initials are DW.  "When you're in trouble, just call DW!!  Darkwing Duck!!"  And while it had been noticed, no one ever really gave me that nickname. 

That is, until RJQ came along.  RJQ is Jiggler's husband.  He is a dear friend to me.  Hell, their whole family is dear to me.  I love them all!!  One day he realized my initials were DW (probably at a bar with lots of alcohol involved) and said, "Hey!!  You're Darkwing Duck!"

And now, on occasion, he refers to me as just "Darkwing."  And everytime he does it, I laugh because he was pretty sure he was the first person to ever think of it.  And he thought it was the most hilarious thing EVER.  So, by default, it is now hilarious to me. 

Nicknames for my kid?  Oh dear.

Kids are so easy to give nicknames to.  Jayna's most popular nickname is just Jaynie.  I do call her J sometimes.  I call her JBird a LOT.  My dad calls her JayMad from her singing career days (read: when JLo was popular).  We also still call her Jayniac from her professional wrestling days. :)  Who knows if they will stick.  JBird will.  I'm pretty sure I'll never stop calling her that.  I'm sure her school friends will come up with something.  Those crafty little punks.

Do you have a nickname?  What is it?  How'd ya get it?

Now go visit the other ToT ladies!!  Use those sidebar links to the right!

ToT: I was 16 once.

Topic:
Write a letter to your 16-year-old self. Reflect on the life you had at 16, what you would change and what you did right.


Dear D@16:

That's the code name I've given to you so I don't have to type out "Danielle at 16 years old" everytime I refer to you.  I'm writing to you from the future because I just got a new flux capacitor.  That future just happens to be double your age...the year 2012.  And in that 16 extra years?  Wow.  That's all I got.

You don't have it so bad, you know.  You have a job and that is GREAT.  Get used to that.  Jobs don't go away.  And eventually one job will turn into a career.  Eventually.  And you won't even really see it coming.

The money you make from your job now just buys you stupid junk.  Remember your pre-ordered from Blockbuster Video VHS copy of Jerry Maquire?  Yeah...that kind of stupid junk.  What you don't know is that 1. Blockbuster Video doesn't exist anymore. 2. VHS cassettes don't exist anymore (excepting at yard sales where the current market value is around 5 for a buck). 3.  TOM CRUISE IS A LUNATIC.  (And on that note, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?  There are WAY better celebrities to be obsessed with.)

Eventually, in about 4 years actually, your money from your job (at Mr. D's) will go to what we'll call essential things.  You know...the ROOF over your head.  The FOOD you eat.  The ELECTRICITY that allows you to cook the food and watch the moderately priced cable television package you can afford.  And trust me on this one:  in 16 more years, "moderately priced cable television package" will be an oxymoron.

Having a job is something you're doing RIGHT.  Keep the work ethic.  You'll need it.  Trust me.  Also?  Your education.  That's another giant thing you're doing RIGHT.  Keep your nose to the grindstone and don't give up. 

It isn't so bad...the journey on which you will embark.  You'll meet the man of your...dreams...I guess?  I say it that way because you already know him.  But right now the 2 of you don't even give each other the time of day.  He's the weirdo in the giant pants with the chains and you're the goody-2-shoes who never breaks the rules.  Well, atleast never breaks the rules and gets caught. :)

So you'll meet him, get a dog who changes your life forever, get another dog who changes your life forever, lose 2 dogs who changed your life forever and then get another one who is a crazy animal who eventually becomes a dog who changes your life forever.

And somewhere in there?  You'll do 2 things you said you'd never do.  You'll get married.  And you'll have a baby.

Oh how things change.  Compared to who you are in 2012, you as D@16 are a very close-minded person.  You already seem to be set in your ways about things and are very unforgiving and harsh.  NEWSFLASH:  that doesn't get you very far in life.  Especially in human relationships. 

So get over yourself.  Seriously.  Grow the F#&*@ up!!!  You're 16! 

You have done and will do several more things WRONG.  It's called life.  Some are pretty rough lessons, but you'll have support all the way through it.  Family, friends, your spouse, your pets and your child. 

If I had to list your biggest weakness, D@16, I'd say that it is your inability to forgive and/or your fear of changing your mind about things.  It's ABSOLUTELY OKAY to change your mind.  It's okay to forgive people for doing who-even-remembers-what.  Some of your bestest friends in the future will be those you've forgiven and those who've forgiven you.  Forgiveness is a strong force.  Use the force, D@16.  Use it. (You don't know how hilarious that is because you don't like Star Wars.  You won't like that for almost 10 more years.  Another weakness...)

Your biggest strength is your thirst for knowledge.  You'll still have that in 2012.  You'll have it to an even greater degree, though, because you'll be learning new things yourself and you'll be teaching a 4-year-old new things too. 

And the one thing I want to say to you and make sure you know is this:   90% of the bullshit that is important to you RIGHTNOWINYOURTINYLIFE will mean absolutely nothing in 2012.  Hell, most of it you won't even remember.  All those "friends?"  Well, when you reach the ripe old age of 32, you'll KNOW who your friends are.  No questions about it.  And you won't care about the people who aren't.  Those issues you're having?  They don't even compare to some of the ones you'll have in a few years.  Enjoy it.  Enjoy being young.

Hang in there, D@16.  It will be a wild ride.  Valleys and mountains.  Some of those valleys will be dark and deep.  But those giant mountains will more than make up for it.  Remember, a lesson learned the hard way is one that stays with ya.

And I don't say it enough, but I love you.  You're a great person and I'll always have your back.

Love,
D@32

ToT: Raising a Child in a World of Controversy

This week was a free week.  To catch up, to write about whatever you want, or to reflect on one or two topics that I myself chose.  Those 2 topics were the Chick-fil-A controversy and the Aurora, CO shooting.
Why did I do that?!?  Why did I have to go and throw those topics in there?

I had a perfectly trivial topic planned.  You know those frugal fashion bloggers who find some expensive clothing item and then find cheaper alternatives?  That was my blog entry for this week.  And then I had to go and ruin it with all that thinking I had to do.

Today I'll be covering the Chick-fil-A controversy.  I'll be covering it in the manner that my title suggests...how will I raise a child in this world of "hate chicken?"  What will I teach her?

I have read a MILLION different pieces of...literature?...about Chick-fil-A.  I say "literature" with a question mark because I don't know that I'd classify opinion pieces on the internet as literature.  Not that they don't hold some sort of merit, but that when I think of literature, I think of 2 things:  A. A book written by an author in a library.  B. A piece of writing containing facts.  I understand that there are things wrong with my definition (especially in the age of the interwebs) and that SOMEONE will think less of me for my definition, but at this point, that is the least of my worries.

In this day and age, the Technological Age, the Social Media Age, the Age Where We're All Supposed To Be Sticking Together As A Human Race And Helping Out One Another...whatever it is y'all want to call it, it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish between facts and propaganda.  Facts and opinions.  Facts and outright lies.  If there is one bad thing that comes as a direct result of the internet that DIRECTLY AFFECTS ME ON A DAILY BASIS, this is it. 

It's difficult to know who to believe.

I was on my high school's debate team for 3.5 years.  I had a VERY good debate coach (Shout out to Ms. Davidson) and she taught me a LOT about learning facts before making a decision.  She also taught me how to argue both sides of damn near any argument...more of a curse than a blessing it turns out.  She taught me that most people usually lie somewhere in the middle of the 2 opposing sides, but that they probably don't know it.  See...everything is NOT a duality.  Not black and white.  Not good and evil.  Not day and night.  Any debatable topic can be argued on a continuum. 

Think of a timeline but without the dates.  Think of a horizontal line with "Everything is White" on one end and "Everything is Black" on the other end.  And right in the middle is a hash mark with "Many things are not black OR white."  And along the entire line are other hash marks..."Some things are black."  "Some things are white."  "Some things are sort of black."  "Some things are sort of white."

I'm not sure why we're all so inclined to argue dualities.  I have a (albeit, fairly useless in the working world) Bachelor's degree in Philosophy.  I had a professor, Dr. McCarty, who always made the joke that dualities are a philosopher's worst nightmare and best friend all at the same time.  A duality can in and of itself win any argument.  But it's way too easy to win.  We philosophers don't like to easily win arguments.  There is a process to winning an argument in a philosopher's mind and winning by simply saying, "Well, it's white!!  That's it!!" is nowhere in the process.  That's just not how we roll.  And many times in a philisophical debate, there is no winner.  But we all walk away a little more enlightened and probably not as opposed to the other side as we were when we began.

And, come on, people.  Winning by saying "Well, it's White!! That's it!!" is as much of a cop out as lying directly in the middle of a controversial issue.

Back to Chick-fil-A.  There are 3 opinion pieces that I've read that have affected me.  There are some arguments and thoughts that don't affect me anymore regarding this issue for the simple fact that they have been overused.  For example, comparing this controversy to supporting the KKK?  That doesn't affect me anymore.  That is not to say that there isn't some truth to the statement, but this will unlikely change anyone's mind.  Especially in a Facebook forum.

If you read ONE kindhearted thing regarding Chick-fil-A, read fellow ToT poster Sarah's entry.  Sarah may be one of the kindest people I've ever known.  She supports equal rights.  She supports all people's freedom to live a happy life.  She is doing a job that many of us could NEVER do.  And she makes some outstanding points.  The 2 that stand out in my mind are that there are REAL people involved here (you aren't just hurting a multi-millionaire by boycotting...there is potential to hurt REAL people who are just trying to make a living) and that if we knew the business of our other big businesses, we'd be equally pissed off at them (see her link for Green America).

Sarah hit the nail on the head for me.  She articulated what I was having such a difficult time saying.  And I am so very happy I read her entry before I wrote this.  I am enlightened.

Please also read these if you are so inclined:  An Open Letter to Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy and The Chick Fellatio: Stuck in The Craw. Two opinions that lie somewhere on a continuum.  Please do NOT think that these opinions represent my beliefs.  These are simply the things that have helped me come to my own conclusion of things.

I have a difficult time taking other's opinions for my own (I don't even read fellow ToT entries until I write my own).  Especially when the FACTS are hard to come by.  I am appalled by where Chick-fil-A's money is going.  APPALLED.  And I would be just as appalled if I knew where the money of the other multi-million dollar companies from which I consume were made public.  And that's just the thing...it's another duality.

All or none?  Do we boycott every organization we don't believe is doing the right thing or do we just boycott the ones that affect us or piss us off the most?  Hmm...

Any of you who are boycotting Chick-fil-A shop at Walmart?  You better do some research.  If you are a human rights advocate, you'll be horrified.  I promise.

Anyone who knows me knows that I support equal rights.  I am incredibly pro gay marriage.  People should be free to be happy in the way that they are...well, happiest.  Gay, straight, polygamous, single, etc.  Whatever makes your skirt fly up.  And it should go without saying, but I'll say it...as long as the people in said relationship are consenting.  This rules out people marrying their dogs, goats, televisions, etc. 

I support equal rights.  I want you all to have the same rights that I do as a happily married person with a child.  I want that.  It's just that this issue lies somewhere on that continuum.  It isn't black and it isn't white.

I am boycotting Chick-fil-A.  I am doing this mainly because of where their money goes.  I will stand up next to my fellow humans because that is the right thing to do.  That is not to say that I lie on the ass end of the continuum.  I'm still somewhere in the middle. 

And I can hear people everywhere mumbling, "Well, that's just a cop out."  Is it?  Is it a cop out to do the right thing but to still think other opinions, thoughts, beliefs and even some actions aren't necessarily wrong?  Is it a cop out to not have such a strong opinion that I can still see another side of an argument?  Then...guilty as charged.

And this will more than likely begin a long string of me "shopping my values" as Sarah would say.  I fear that this is just the beginning.  Not just for me...but for us as a nation. 

"Where does Jayna come in?  This is supposed to be about you raising a child."

I plan to teach her all of the things that Ms. Davidson and Dr. McCarty taught me.  I don't want her to merely have thoughts.  I want her to have a thought PROCESS.  I want her to be a critical thinker and be able to think from every angle.  ALWAYS remember that there are 3 sides to every story and imagine walking a mile in the shoes of all 3 sides.  Get the facts.  Create your own opinions.  Create your own rebuttals.  But, for the love of Delores, BE NICE.  Be patient and kind and appreciative that we live in a world where we're allowed the freedom to have our own opinions and feelings and beliefs. 

Also?  I want to teach her to love PEOPLE.  All people.  The world hardens us, it makes us argue to the point of losing friends...over a chicken store.  We are bigger than our differences.  We are all human and we're all in this damn thing together.

But mostly?  Life isn't easy.  But that's what makes it so damn rewarding.

I will challenge her.  I will teach her to challenge me (and not just on the time of her curfew).  I don't want a sheep.  I want a thinking, feeling human.  But one who knows love and compassion and equality AND critical thinking.

It won't be easy.  Especially because I refuse to dole out my opinions to her.  I will guide her.  I will help her understand fact from fiction to the best of my ability.  I will allow her to make her own choices regarding where she stands on the continuum.  And most of all?  I'll love that kid until I can't love anymore.  As the Beatles say, "All you need is love."

And all of this, my friends, will be much more difficult for me than it will be for her.

Cop out?  You be the judge.

ToT: Brain Dump

Topic:Laundry list: list 50 thoughts/observations/tidbits. That is all.

Let's do it to it, shall we?

1. I had a dream last night.  Chris and I broke into a woman's condo when she wasn't home for the sole purpose of gathering and taking out her trash.  When we were almost done, I saw her car pulling in the parking lot, so we hurried and got out of there.  As we were driving the trash to the dumpster, a man approached the car and informed me that he used his phone to make a video of us breaking in.  I asked him if I could see it.  He handed me his phone and I immediately threw it out the window in front of the car and told Chris to run over it.  He did.  And we put the trash in the dumpster and got away scot free.
2. I love planning parties.  I want to do it for a living.
3. I hate planning parties and I never want to have one again.
4. I'm still sort of weirded out about all of Jayna's preschool friends coming to my house for a party.  That's...a LOT of kids.  I sort of hope some bail on us.
5. I wonder if that safety guy from that one place is ever going to contact me back.
6. There is a strange smell in my office.  It's a mix of body odor and cinnamon.  It's not me.  It's not Susi.  So what the HELL is it?!?
7. I cleaned the work bathroom today.  If I could clean my own bathrooms on work's time, I'd do it WAY more often.
8. I have a loose hubcap on my car.  I drove through a parking garage today and it sounded like my car was quite literally going to fall apart into a million little pieces.
9. We don't have any food at our house.  I went to look for what to cook for dinner last night and there was only 5 chicken breasts and 2 pieces of cod in the freezer.  I guess we'll have fish for dinner tonight.  Or we could have the 2 remaining chicken breasts I guess.
10. I should go grocery shopping.
11. I despise grocery shopping on weekdays.
12. My car needs washed, but it is supposed to rain for the next 3 days.  But the real question is...WILL IT ACTUALLY RAIN?
13. My garden sucks.  Please see #12 regarding rain.
14. I don't ever remember a drought this long.
15. I was at the BMV for an hour and 20 minutes this morning.  The BMV is some good people watching.  Seriously.
16. I could reeeeeeeally use some breadsticks from Hot Box.
17. The southside Scotty's is open.  I will be going there very soon.  Like this weekend.
18. Friday is Date Night.
19. I think we'll go to Scotty's for Date Night.
20. Is it illegal or something to birthday shop for your 4-year-old on Date Night?  It probably is in Chris' mind.
21. I sure wish I had more time to learn harmonica.  Maybe I'll take lessons and then I'll be FORCED to play and learn.
22. I think I will rent a RedBox movie for Jayna tonight.  You know, since it's dark and gray and a million degrees outside.
23. I need envelopes for Jayna's birthday invites. 
24. I could use some new clothes.  Is it illegal to go shopping for MYSELF on Date Night?  Hmmm...
25. I miss Morgan.  I sure hope he's having a wonderful time playing with the Maxximoose.
26. I'm sick of politics already and it is still around 4 months until the election.
27. Why can't I finish things?  I am very good at starting things and I have approximately 87 things started.  But none finished.  I'm a horrible person.
28. Jayna named her GloWorm Charles Barkley this morning. 
29. Oh...and she kept calling her GloWorm a SnowGlobe.
30. I am highly confused as to why my child is obsessed with Charles Barkley.  It's a good thing she already chose a Brave birthday party theme.  Otherwise, I may have had to wing it and make Charles Barkley decorations.
31. I would like to go shoot guns again.  I'll have to get with Charlotte when she gets back from Europe.
32. I am slacking at Words with Friends.  I feel it may have run it's course.
33. I finished watching the entire first season of Raising Hope on Netflix.  I'm sad because season 2 isn't there yet.
34. Fifty thoughts is a LOT.
35. I bought a keychain today that is a mustache.  It has a button.  If you push the button, it says, "Well hello there."
36. I really need to know what that B.O./cinnamon smell is.  It's killing me, smalls.
37. I need to change my water filter.  I've had a new one since Saturday.  The light has been red for weeks.  And I still just won't change it.  Laziness at it's best.
38. Chris came back from his out-of-town meetings with Jimmy John's.  And none for me.  Jackass.
39. Please go to Sarah's blog and read about the time she actually had to list her laundry.  That made me laugh out loud after I thought about it. :)
40. Jayna thinks the song is Call Me Baby.  It makes me laugh when she goes around singing it.
41. I pre-ordered the Toadies new CD.  I am a dork.
42. I still have no desire to go see the movie Magic Mike.  Call me odd.  I'm good with it.
43.  My iPhone autocorrected the word "dorkiness" to "dork knees" today.  When I asked Laura what it meant by dork knees, she pointed out that maybe I'm cool, but just my knees are dorky.  Sort of like a bum leg.  And Diet Coke came out of my nose.
44. Jayna has her first dentist appointment on Thursday.  That should be no less that interesting.
45. I think we're having tortillas with ketchup on them for dinner.  I don't want to go to the grocery!!!
46. I think I need wine for Wine Wednesday tomorrow.  To the grocery I go!!
47. My priorities are stellar.
48. I think we need toothpaste.
49. My mom and brother are currently arguing the validity of a hamster as a pet.  They are actually in agreement that it's kind of a lame pet.
50. And last, but not least, I really have to pee.

Now go over to the sidebar and read the other ToT ladies' catch up posts or their laundry lists.  C'mon!!  It'll be fun!!

ToT: I'm No Paula Deen

TOPIC:Write about your favorite recipe.  It can be something you make or your mom, grandma, best friend, aunt or whoever makes.  Tell us why you like it and share the recipe along with a photo if you have it.

I mean that I'm no Paula Deen in many ways.  I have this joke in my head that if, in some alternate world, I could choose an extra set of grandparents, it would be Paula Deen and William Shatner. 

I know.  Perfect idea ever, right?!? 

So, I'm no Paula Deen in the sense that I can't just whip up gourmet southern food on a whim.  I didn't build my life from practically nothing and become famous.  And I don't put butter in everything.  Because, as y'all know, butter is a food group to Grandma Paula.

And while I'm no Paula Deen, I can absolutely hold my own in a kitchen.  That wasn't always the case (ahem, mom...salty mashed potatoes and macaroni soup), but I can whip up a mean meal at this point in my life.  At one point in time, I just had to actually fake it until made it.

I remember very vividly when Chris and I lived in our first apartment together.  Chris' dad and stepmom were coming to stay with us for a couple of days.  I could NOT cook at this point in my life.  My skills stopped at meal helpers and ramen noodles.  I decided that since they weren't crazy about us living together that I'd go all Susie Homemaker on their asses and bake cinnamon muffins (obviously, the kind you just mix with water and put in a pan).  I didn't really care if anyone ATE them, I just wanted it to smell like good food when they got there. 

Well, our oven was broken.  The thermostat was out.  And within 4 minutes my cinnamon muffins were charcoal on the outside and soupy muffin mix on the inside. 

I'm pretty sure that solidified Chris' dad's opinion of me. 

After we got our oven fixed, it then became a challenge.  I began cooking things.  Like, real things.  And by the time we were married for a year or two, no one was going hungry.  I even had recipes that my family would request I bring to family events!  That was unheard of back in the day.

I'm going to share a couple of recipes.  I got both of these recipes from the intertubes and I'll direct y'all to them as I go.

Recipe #1:  Pioneer Woman's Drip Beef
I first made drip beef for the Super Bowl in 2010.  And I've been making it ever since.

It really is just that good.

Photo courtesy of The Pioneer Woman

Of the 2 recipes that she lists, I make the Italian Drip Beef.  I use my crockpot on low for 10 hours.  And then I make 2 slight changes:  I use 1.5 tablespoons of Italian seasoning and 1.5 tablespoons of Italian dressing seasoning mix.  And then I just leave out the extra salt.

This recipe is a crowd pleaser.  I've never fed it to anyone who didn't like it.  And it makes enough to serve a decent amount of people.  I'd say atleast 6 if the people are super hungry.  Probably more like 8-10 if you have other things to eat too.


Recipe #2:  Homemade Buttercream Icing
I came across this recipe around the time my brother did his vow renewal.  That was over a year ago and I haven't bought buttercream icing since.  It's so easy to make using the little shortcuts (like not sifting the powdered sugar) and once you make it a few times, you can ALMOST do it without measuring.  I love the fact that I can manipulate the texture for adding color or flavor.  It's very versatile and if you fancy yourself a baker, you NEED to start making your own buttercream.  If you don't trust any other words I say, trust those.  MAKE YOUR OWN BUTTERCREAM.

That is buttercream on those cupcakes.  The cupcakes are boxed mix, but the icing?  Well, the icing makes you forget about the actual cake.

You can freeze buttercream.  You can eat it out of the bowl.  You can flavor it vanilla or with cinnamon (as I did for my brother's vow renewal), you can make it whatever color you want.  And it's delicious.

Here are some tips:
*Use salted REAL butter.  Don't attempt to use margarine.  Trust me.  Just...trust me.
*Don't worry about sifting the powdered sugar.  You can adjust the texture by adding powdered sugar or milk at the end.
*Use the shortening as she has in the recipe.  This really does help the icing stand up to hotter temps.  It won't melt if you're having an outdoor party.
*Be prepared to gain half a pound when you make it.


What are your favorite recipes?  I love to cook and I'm always excited to try new things.  Now go along with me and read about the other ToT ladies' favorite recipes!  Links are to the right!

ToT: "Break yo'self, fool."

TOPIC:Pick 3 of your top "guilty pleasure" movies and tell why they are your guilty pleasure.  When did you first see the movie?  How many times do you think you have seen it?  Do you quote the movie and if so, what are the quotes you use?  Why do you love it?  Is there a reason you feel guilty about watching this movie, i.e. bad language, bad humor, girlie, etc.


Back before Christmas last year, my family and I went to see Arthur Christmas.  We didn't just go see Arthur Christmas, we went to see Arthur Christmas in 3D!! 

Little did we know that because of Jayna's eye condition at the time, she...wait for it...COULDN'T SEE IN 3D.  So she basically sat there confused the whole time about why the movie was all blurry.

So, a PSA to all parents of children with exotropia:  THEY CANNOT SEE IN 3D.  DON'T SPEND A GAJILLION DOLLARS ON 3D MOVIE TICKETS BECAUSE IT WILL BE THE MOST EXPENSIVE NAP YOUR CHILD EVER TAKES.

There.  Now I feel better.

My point with all that?  We don't go to the movies very often.  Before seeing Arthur Christmas, the last time we were at a movie theatre was for Pirates of the Carribean:  At World's End.  That was FIVE WHOLE YEARS AGO. 

We don't go for a variety of reasons.  The number one reason is because of the ridiculous amount of money it costs to go to a movie.  After tickets and a modest snack of popcorn and drinks, it's still a good 40 or 50 dollar ordeal.  I'm not down with that.

The other issue is that I can't just sit down and watch a movie.  I'm ALWAYS doing something else when I watch a movie at home.  I remember going to see Arthur Christmas and as I sat there with idle hands, I kept thinking about all of the things I could be doing at home instead of sitting in a movie theatre.

I'm usually checking various things on my phone, crocheting or making lists.  My hands need to be busy.  It makes me feel better that I'm doing more than just sitting and watching television.  This is why I prefer to watch movies in the comfort of my own home.

With all that being said, there are a few movies that I ALWAYS go back to.  Movies that I know all the words to.  Movies that never get old.  Movies that I don't mind my hands being idle.  And here, I have to limit it to 3.  This could get tricky.

Guilty Pleasure Movie #1:  Friday
If you know me, you are not at ALL surprised by this.  I still know most of the words.  I still occasionally listen to the soundtrack.  I still, after all these years, love it.

I first saw this movie my senior year of high school.  I remember seeing it and going to buy it on VHS THAT DAY.  I remember watching it over and over and over and over again in my dorm room with my unsuspecting roommate and friend (Hi, Tiff!!) and my other friends who lived in other dorms. 

I can't even make an educated guess at how many times I've seen this movie.  Maybe 2 million?  No, seriously.

Do I quote this movie?  HA!!  I don't know, do I, friends?  "Hey Craig, let me borrow your VCR right quick."  "Nobody go in there for 35, 45 minutes.  And open a window!!"  "Man, y'all ain't never got 2 things that match!!  You got Kool Aid, no sugar.  Peanut butter, no jelly.  Ham, no burger.  Damn!!"  "Man, what you stealing boxes for?  You tryin' to build a clubhouse?"

I used to love this movie because it was HILARIOUS!!  It is still, in my mind, hilarious.  But I think I love it more now because it reminds me of good friends and good, carefree times.  I feel guilty about watching it because, let's be honest, it's a lifestyle I've never experienced and will never experience.  The subject matter and the language are horrendous.  But if you know me, you know that is never a deal breaker. :)


Guilty Pleasure Movie #2:  13 Going On 30
I can't help it if I love a movie with a good rendition of the Thriller Dance. 

I first saw this movie on Dinner and a Movie on TBS during one of my "I'm not even changing into real clothes from my pajamas" Saturday evenings. I, my friends, am a rock star. :)

I've seen this movie atLEAST 50 times.  We don't have cable anymore, but I used to watch it everytime I was channel surfing and passed by it.  Channel surfing is definitely the one thing I miss about not having cable.  Netflix is great, but you really do have to have a good idea of what you want to watch.

Anyhoo...I digress.

I only quote a few lines from this movie.  "You're rude and mean and sloppy and frizzy.  And I don't like you at all!"  At one point a little girl in an elevator looks at Jenna and says, "I like your dress."  And Jenna responds, "That's because I have these incredible boobs to fill it out!"  That line ALWAYS makes me laugh.

I love this movie because it really does teach a good lesson.  Oh...who am I kidding?!?  I love it for the Thriller rendition and for the Love is a Battlefield scene!!  The movie makes me remember what it felt like to want to be grown up when I was a teenager.  And let me tell you, teenagers, it's not all it's cracked up to be.  But I know you won't listen when I tell you all that.

It's a guilty pleasure movie because, well, IT'S A RIDICULOUS MOVIE and I can't even believe that I'm ADMITTING TO THE WHOLE INTERWEBS that I've seen it ONE time, let alone that I watch it often!!  Don't judge me.  I like a good lighthearted totally impossible love story.


Guilty Pleasure Movie #3:  The Sandlot
I have loved this movie since I saw it in the movie theatre with my aunt and all of my cousins in 1993.  When it came out of VHS, my aunt bought it so we could continue watching it and calling each other scab eater, butt sniffer, pus licker, and fart smeller.  We were classy as children and teenagers.

I have seen this movie about as much as I've seen Friday.  We own it on DVD  now and Jayna even likes to watch it from time to time.  Is it appropriate?  Nope.  And it wasn't appropriate for me either and I'm alive and well and grew up to be a decently respectful girl.  So whatevs, haters.

Do I quote it?  You're killin' me, Smalls!!!  Of course I do!!  I sometimes call my brother a "can't hack it pantywaist who wears his mama's bra."  "And remember, kids, there's heroes and there's legends.  Heroes get remembered, but legends never die."  Words to remember from the Great Bambino.  Oh...and you can't forget, "You play ball like a giiiiiirrrrrllll!!!"  The ultimate insult. :)

How do I love thee, Sandlot? Oh, let me count the ways. No, seriously. I love everything about this movie. The childishness, the lesson, the characters, the plot and the nostalgia of the wonderful game of baseball. I hope Jayna grows up with atleast ONE movie that will remind her of her childhood and her friends and games she played. And, of course, of the "pickles" she gets into as a kid.

It's a guilty pleasure because it's a kid's movie.  And yes, I have a kid now which sort of removes that stigma.  But it's mainly a BOY movie for boys around the age of, say, 8 and older.  I have a 4-year-old little girl.  Who loves it.  I knew I was doing something right.


What are your guilty pleasure movies?  Why?  Now head on over to the other ToT bloggers (who are not behind like I am) and read about their movies.

ToT: Just Another Day

Topic:
A Day in The Life:  What is a typical day in your life?  How do weekdays differ from weekends?  How do you balance out life's "chores" from the betterm more enticing things such as spending time with friends, family, hobbies or recreation?  How do you fit it all in to make sure everything gets done (get up early, stay up late, recruit help from hubby/other family, hire it out, etc.)?  At the end of the day do you go to bed feeling like you accomplished the majority of what needed to be done or do you think of all the things you've had to let roll over to be done another day?

I'm not sure how to really answer all those questions, so I'm going to procrastinate and show you a sweet picture of how I start my days:

Every weekday morning after we have breakfast, Chris leaves for work and Jayna and I have about 10 minutes before we have to brush teeth, brush hair and go to school. 

And every morning after breakfast, without fail, I hear these glorious words:  "Mommy, do we have time to cuddle on the couch?"

You bet we do.  Even if we don't. 

You see, I've come to expect cuddle time on the couch before I come to work.  If I don't get my JBird cuddles before I have to continue onto my "get-rich-slow scheme," I am cranky for the rest of the day.

I know the cuddles won't last forever.  I know my time is limited.  And I know that I should soak in these moments because the day will inevitably come when she is...gulp...TOO OLD FOR CUDDLES.

And to that I say BOOOOO.

I have a difficult time in realizing that these little things are the big things.  Some say it's a personality flaw.  I agree.  I worry too much.  I think too much about the future.  I get frustrated with things I have no control over.  And I don't stop to smell the roses that often. 

It's a sad life I live.

After breakfast JBird cuddles have helped me with that.  If I didn't cuddle with her in the morning, I'd have time to do the dishes.  I'd have time to start a load of laundry.  I'd probably even have time to PUBLISH A FREAKIN' TOGETHER ON TUESDAY ENTRY ON AN ACTUAL TUESDAY.  But I don't really care about dishes.  Or laundry.  And let's face it...there aren't that many of you reading.  If I'm a day late, I figure y'all will forgive me.  Just these 9 times. :)

And now to answer the topic questions FO' REALZ.

What is a typical day in your life?

A typical workday for me is, well...a typical workday.  I get up around 5am, make myself as presentable as I need to be, eat breakfast, cart the kid off to school and go to work.  I work from around 7:45am to 3:30pm.  When I get off work, I will sometimes run a few errands to give Jayna some extra playtime with her schoolmates, or I'll go pick her up and we'll go home to continue the daily grind.  Getting home means taking care of the dog, doing chores, making dinner and playing with Jayna.  After that it's bath and bedtime for Jayna around 8pm.  And THAT'S when the REAL FUN begins!!

Just kidding.

Don't get me wrong...I do love those couple of hours after Jayna goes to bed so that I can do whatever it is I feel like doing.  Last night I did some gardening.  Some nights I watch television.  Some nights Chris and I sit on the back patio and I listen to him play guitar and I sing along to the songs with him.  Some nights we have deep talks about worldly things (read:  work and/or parenting).  Some nights I read.  And some nights I'm snoring on the couch by 8:30pm.

So...that's a typical day.  But right now, things are NOT typical at all.

Right now, Jayna has swimming on Tuesdays, tumbling on Wednesdays, and swimming again on Thursdays.  I spend most of Monday evening making dinner for those 3 nights since there is NO time to do it on the actual night.  And Friday is spent watching movies or going out to dinner.  You know, family time.

We stay busy.  And we like it that way.  For the most part. 

How do weekdays differ from weekends?

A typical weekend?  That doesn't exist. 

The staples are trips to the grocery and Sam's, cleaning the house (sure...), and trying to see Nana M or Nana B.  Those are the things we try to fit in.  But that doesn't always happen.

Yes, we keep up with the daily chores.  The dishes, the laundry, making sure the bathrooms aren't a pit and vacuuming.  Those are things that get done atleast once a week.  Other things like dusting?  We ain't got no time for no dusting.  It gets done when it gets done.  We are way too busy creating memories for ourselves and for our Jayna to be missing out on things because of a little dust.

In June, we have had NO free weekends.  The first weekend was spent at the zoo and at a baseball game.  The second on was spent at a pool party and a father's day barbecue.  The next one will be the Dave Matthew's concert and another baseball game.  And the last one will be our 10th anniversary and a company picnic.  The first weekend of July will be spent at the lake.  The second will be spent in Washington, D.C.  The third?  Maybe we'll get to sleep in or see our long-neglected friends!!!!!

See?  I told you we stay busy.

We love doing all these things.  But it really does interfere with things that NEED to be done.

How do you balance out life's "chores" from the better more enticing things such as spending time with friends, family, hobbies or recreation? How do you fit it all in to make sure everything gets done (get up early, stay up late, recruit help from hubby/other family, hire it out, etc.)? 

We don't balance out.  We do memory making FIRST and chores LATER.  Is this the best policy?  It is for now.  That will change.  Before I had a kid, I would come home every Friday and clean the whole house top to bottom.  That way it would be clean for the weekend.  And now?  Well, for now that isn't going to happen.

Jayna is little.  She is young and she is impressionable and she is soooo dang cute.  She loves to spend time with us and we love providing memory making experiences for her.  She is and forever will be our only child and we will only get one chance at this time in her life.  We have chosen to take advantage of it.

That isn't to say that I don't get frustrated with the clutter in our tiny house and eventually explode into a cleaning frenzy.  It happens.  Not just to me, but to Chris too.

When Chris and I first started living together, I did 100% of the cleaning.  After all, I was the one with less responsibilities and more time on my hands.  Well, that changed along the line and my 100% cleaning responsibility did NOT change.  So he and I had a sit down talk at a bar (probably Yogi's) and I told him very plainly:  I am not, nor will I ever be, a housewife.  I don't make all the messes and I shouldn't be responsible for cleaning all of them up.  He responded in a positive manner and to this day...more than 10 years later...he still does atleast 50% of the household chores.

He and I have a system.  It's called Get It Done.  If the dishes aren't done and Chris is working late, I do the dishes.  If I'm having a swell time playing with Jayna and don't want to stop to vacuum, Chris vacuums.

Actually, Chris vacuums 100% of the time.  I hate it and I refuse to do it.  The end.  I reciprocate by cleaning the toilets 100% of the time.  We'll skip the part where HE cleaned the toilets on Father's Day.  Ahem.

Anyhoo, my point is this:  We don't have set chores.  We just get shit done because it has to be done.  And we are respectful of one another and we understand when one or the other needs to pick up the slack on occasion.

Organized chaos.  That's how we live.

At the end of the day do you go to bed feeling like you accomplished the majority of what needed to be done or do you think of all the things you've had to let roll over to be done another day?

I NEVER go to bed feeling like I accomplished everything that needed to be done.  NEVER.

Does anyone?  Maybe Martha Stewart, but we'll go ahead and be honest when we say that she has people doing lots of things FOR her at this point.

Even when I was single and childless did I ever feel like I accomplished enough in one day.  Never.

Lately though, I've been asking myself different questions at bedtime.  Did I give Jayna enough attention today?  Did we play enough?  Did I ignore her?  Did we make memories?

Those are the important questions at this time in my life.  And I take the answers to those questions VERY seriously.


The long and short of my days are to just ENJOY living.  Yes, there are things that must be done that aren't enjoyable.  But I like to think like my favorite nanny, Mary Poppins:  "In every job that must be done, there's an element of fun."

Dang.  I don't really think like that.  We just rock out to the Disney station on Pandora waaaaayyyyy ttttoooooo mmuuccchhhh. 

But really.  When we clean the house, there is music blaring and we're ALL (Jayna included) singing and dancing along.  We cook meals together.  We do chores together.  Everything is less of a chore when you have a helper. :)

We enjoy life.  After all, that's ultimately why we're here.



Now:  go over to the sidebar on the right and read about the days of the other fine ToT ladies!