Workin' for a Livin'

Dudes!!!  Hey!!  I am indeed alive and well...and missing you. 

I have officially missed 4 Together on Tuesday topics.  But I'm not here to write one of those.  I'm here because...well, I sort of got lost. 

I lost what was important in life.  I lost my reasons for blogging.  I lost...I just got lost. That is all.

I don't talk about my job here.  Ever.  Okay, okay...occasionally I'll admit that I hate it (read: frustrated, I don't really hate it) and that I do have downtime.  That downtime is becoming more and more precious.  Soon, it will be non-existent, I'm sure.  So I don't really talk about work, but I'm going to focus on that for a moment.

I've been going through some changes at work and it had actually started to bleed over into my personal life...until last week.  I finished up a giant project last Tuesday evening.  And now that the actual WORK itself isn't bleeding over, the stress and unknown factors of the future and the excitement (?) and the anxiety is still doing just that...TAKING OVER MY PERSONAL LIFE.

I know this happens to many of you all often.  It does NOT, however, happen to me.  But things are changing and I must step up to the plate and accept, embrace and move along with these changes.  Within all of this, I am now training a new person to take my position...for when I take my mom's position...when she retires in 18 months.  That SOUNDS like a long time.  It isn't.  Trust me, friends.  I wear many different hats around there, as does she, and it will take all of 18 months to show and teach someone everything I do. 

So, in the figurative sense, I'm moving up.  But in the literal sense, I'm moving OVER.  I already know most of what my mom does.  And although I've sort of carved out and created my own position here, I have kept up with most things she does throughout my years here.  I am learning the things I don't know and refreshing my mind of the things I do know, but don't do often.  It's been a learning curve for me (because I'm learning new things AND teaching someone my job), for mom (because she has to teach me things), and for our newest victim assistant (because she's learning a hell of a lot of things already).

And I'll admit to y'all RIGHTNOW:  I'm anxious.  I'd even go so far as to say that I'm...gulp...SCARED. 

This will be a giant move for me in the area of responsibility.  Most things won't really change as far as what I do on a daily basis, but her job encompasses more responsibility than I've ever had in my entire life.  I won't have the "assistant" role anymore.  I won't be able to pass the phone to her when I don't know the answer.  I will be the one responsible for those answers.  And I'm am VERY slowly coming to terms with that.

Much to my surprise, this reality has taken it's toll on my mental capacities.  I haven't had much time to sit down and THINK of things to write.  I like to take my time at formulating blog entries.  I haven't even really had time to return emails or Facebook messages.  I keep up with the people and things that force me (and believe me, I AM NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT), but the people and things that don't have very unfortunately gotten pushed to the side.  And trust me when I say that I feel horrible about that.

You can't blame a sister for getting lost though, can you?

I'll be back soon with several more updates.  Hell,  my only child turned 4 over 2 months ago and I haven't blogged about it.  After I write what I feel needs to be written about my life itself, I'll get back on the ToT wagon.  I DO plan on making up my 4 missed entries.  Because I'm awesome. :)

And I'll leave you with this:

Ollie in a Brave wig.

Deuce (my mom's dog) in eyeball glasses.

 

That's what we do for laughs, y'all. :)

 

 

ToT: I've Learned a Thing or Ten

TOPIC:
Life lessons. What are 10 or 20 (or however many) life lessons you've learned so far? (Starting point: http://blog.cleveland.com/pdextra/2007/09/regina_bretts_45_life_lessons.html).


Life is hard...there's no denying that.  But for most of us, we've learned a thing or two to help us get through.  Here are 10 of my life lessons.

1. Never take life too seriously.  It's bad for your health, gives you heartburn and you won't make it out alive.
2. Remember that logically speaking, hate is the opposite of love.  Think of the people you love the most and how BIG that feeling is.  Do you have room in your soul for a feeling that big, but negative?  Now...do you hate people?  I don't.  It's takes way too much out of my life.  I need that energy to devote to those I love...positively.
3. There will be people throughout your life who serve a purpose and who weren't meant to stick around.  Find solace from the lost relationship by remembering what you've learned from it,  either what to do or what NOT to do, and use it to your advantage later in your life, but NEVER wish ill things to those lost people.
4. There are things in life that we call "rewarding experiences."  You won't know what these are until their over.  When you are knee deep in a "rewarding experience," you will think it's the most difficult/frustrating/life changing thing that's ever happened to you.  And then the next "rewarding experience" will come along and frustrate you more than the one before.  These things are only rewarding when you can step back, look at them, and know that you handled the situation in the best way you knew how.  And this is how we grow.
5. If you aren't learning, change your perspective.  I learn something from every experience I have.  I make mistakes and then I use the lessons the next time.  If you are making the same mistakes over and over and over again, try looking for these lessons in your experiences and try changing something.
6. Never eat a Wendy's frosty followed by too many shots of tequila.  Just...trust me on that one.
7. Be the bigger person.  Rise above the ridiculousness of childish namecalling.  Show those bastards that you have more class and self control than that.  Sticks and stones, baby.  Sticks and stones.
8. Learn when to shut your mouth.  There are several great quotes regarding this matter.  "Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."  "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."  KNOW WHEN TO JUST KEEP YOUR PIE HOLE CLOSED.
9. Do your research.  On ANYTHING.  Know what you're buying.  Who you're buying it from.  Know where you're going.  How you're getting.  What you want.  What you need.  DO THE LEG WORK.  The pros.  The cons.  The ins.  The outs.  The what-have-yous. (Thank you, Dude.)  Know what you're doing...and don't do it blindly.  Nothing worth having comes easy.  And even if you don't follow your plan, you'll be better off for having done the research.
10. Love.  Just...love.  There is always room in your heart for more love.  After all, all we need is love.  And bacon.  And the love of bacon. :)

ToT: When Life's in the Crapper...

TOPIC:
List 30 things that you take for granted that you have gratitude for-you can elaborate as much or as little on each item.


So I know the topic says "List..." which is usually right up my alley, but I have some things to get off my chest first.

I haven't been blogging lately because it seems way too trivial.  Trivial in the sense that my focus has needed to be elsewhere. 

Dudes...my friends' lives are in the crapper. 

I don't really want to elaborate because I don't want to, you know, air all of my friends' dirty laundry on my blog.  That just ain't kosher.

Numerous divorces.  Custody battles.  Financial struggles.  Medical problems.  Medical problems of my friends' close family members.  Lost jobs.  Lots of tears.  Lots of stress.  And LOTS of me sitting around trying to figure out how to help.

The truth is that short of just being a good listening ear, giver of sound advice, shoulder to cry on, sounding board to vent to or an outstanding drinking buddy, I can't help.  And...it's killing me.

I blame it on my motherly instinct.  It is well known that I don't really like...people.  I like CERTAIN people.  And when someone becomes a CERTAIN person, they then have to deal with all this crazy I have up in my brain.  And when any or all of those CERTAIN people are hurting, I just want to take away the hurt.  Just take it for myself.  Just as I want to take away all Jayna's hurt.  I would've gladly gone under the knife for eye surgery for her.  I'd gladly go across the monkey bars for her since she is having such a hard time with it.  I'd GLADLY take away the pain of those CERTAIN people if it put a smile on their faces and a little hope into their hearts.

Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way.  We are shaped by our experiences.  Our experiences teach us how to act, how to live, how to survive.  And I can't survive for these people.  They must continue to be functioning members of society on their own.  But it still hurts my heart to see them go through these things.

And as I sit and watch my friends lives go down the crapper and the world crumble around me, I have MUCH to be grateful for:

1. I have the greatest husband that ever lived:  supportive, loving, a GREAT father to Jayna, a good provider, and my bestest friend for all eternity.  Although I've recently seen other outstanding husbands in action lately (read: Mark), I still attest that Chris is just the best person that I could've ever teamed up with.  That's what we are, you know.  A team.  To us, that's what a marriage is.  Sure, we disagree.  We get mad.  And then we communicate.  And then we hug.  And then we make fun of each other.  That's how we do.
2. I am somehow managing to help raise the kindest, most polite child ever.  She regularly uses her manners and also compliments me atleast one time a day on something or another.  "Mommy, you look pretty today."  That can very well be the difference between a totally shitty day and an okay day.  I just love her. 
3. I know that, whatever the situation, I can count on my family.  I have some of the best parents there are and I know that I can always count on them.  I am also very grateful that I can now call Chris' parents my family.  They love me and support me in all that I do.  It's nice to know that there is always someone out there who'll have your back come hail or high water.  It's just a great feeling.
4. My job.  Good grief...I've never been more grateful to have a job, no less one that is flexible, pays well and provides me with health insurance.  With so many people suffering from un- or under-employment, I am so very thankful to be employed.
5. My friends.  They are, and have been in the past, my lifelines.  They bring me back to reality when I'm being dramatic.  They help lift me up when I'm down.  The make me smile, make me think and help me work through my issues.  I don't know what I'd do without you all.
6. Wine.  I'm really thankful for wine. :)
7. The ability to provide opportunities for Jayna.  Whether it is being able to afford these things or simply taking the time to do things with her, I'm grateful that Chris and I are dedicated to this.
8. Rain.  Never before have I spent so many days wishing it would just rain.  I feel for the farmers whose crops have suffered because of the drought.  Hopefully the mild fall weather will save atleast some of them.
9. Technology.  I wouldn't have the ability to communicate with some people without all of the ways we have today.  I am grateful that I can email, Facebook, text and/or call all of the people I care about near or far.
10. Oliver.  He is the comic relief in my life.  He is also very annoying at times, what with his weird catlike behavior.  Nonetheless, he makes me laugh and gives me snuggles when I need them.
11. Shelter.  Yes, shelter.  I've spent countless hours HATING my house.  It's too small.  Too cramped.  Not in the school district I want.  I don't have a pantry.  Or a master bath.  Or a laundry room.  But here's the thing, y'all:  I HAVE A HOUSE.  A house that I can afford that isn't in a bad neighborhood.  And I am thankful that I don't have to live in my car.
12. Peanut butter.  I love me some peanut butter.
13. Freedom.  Plain and simple. 
14. Painting.  Painting provides an outlet for me that I never knew.  Scrapbooking didn't do it.  Candlemaking didn't do it.  The numerous other hobbies I had didn't do it.  But painting doesn't serve any other purpose than me putting paint to canvas.  I'm not preserving memories or making something useful in the sense that it has a higher purpose.  It is art for art's sake.  And I love it.  Now to find more time to do it.
15. Jayna's preschool.  We chose her preschool based on 3 factors:  it is close to our house (less than a mile), it was in our price range and when we met the 2 women who owned it, I loved them.  That's...it.  We didn't choose it based on academics (they opened 2 months before Jayna started, so we had no idea).  We didn't choose it based on how many kids went there (7 at first).  And we didn't choose it based on popularity (again, just opened).  And despite a few minor setbacks/flaws that have been worked out, it has turned out to be a perfect fit for Jayna.  She is learning at a rate that I didn't think was possible and a large part of that is due to her teachers.  I love them and so does Jayna.
16. A kid who sleeps through the night 99.9% of the time.  Jayna woke me up at 1am because she was having a dream that she thought was real life.  And it has screwed up my whole day.
17. Quick dry nail polish.  Hey...YOU try polishing 10 wiggly fingers and 10 wiggly toes and THEN tell me it won't make your gratitude list.
18. The nice people at CVS.  $35 refund that I didn't think I was going to get?  Yes please!!  Thanks, nice pharmacy lady. :)
19. Lunch hour.  It's fast approaching and I will take full advantage of it today.
20. Weekends.  How else would I have time to sleep in?
21. Zyrtec.  It has pretty much saved my life this summer.
22. My health.  I am very lucky to be so healthy.  I do have some things to work on (exercising more), but all in all, I'm doing well. 
23. Smores.  Man, that's a gooood dessert.
24. Mexican Monday.  Even though it isn't Monday.  Dude, I must be hungry.
25. Sunshine.  I don't always think about it, but I am in a much better mood if the sun is shining.  It can be 10 degrees, but if the sun is shining, the day is better.  I am grateful for all that vitamin D.
26. My doctor.  She must be the most caring doctor there ever was.  She's helped me through so many things it isn't even funny.  She even helped me come to terms with running the Mini last year.  She's an OB/GYN, but I still go to her for everything.  She's the most helpful doctor I've ever had.
27. Our decision to cut the Cable Television Cord.  It has freed up more time and money than we ever though possible.  And we don't even miss it.  Except for baseball games and Monday Night Football. :)
28. The food on my table.  I complain ALL THE TIME about the price of groceries.  But guess what?  I can still afford them.  And sadly enough, that puts me ahead of many Americans.  I am grateful that I am able to provide food for our family.
29. The harmonica.  It's brought so much joy to my life.  I never knew I could do it.  But with Chris' support and prodding, I began and I'm actually pretty good at it. :)
30. Air conditioning.  It was so freakin' hot this summer that we really would've missed it had it not been around.  Some of the houses in my neighborhood don't have central air.  I feel for those of you who don't have it.  I know it isn't a necessity, but it sure is nice.

Writing out all of that really puts things into perspective.  I urge you all to think about what you're grateful for.

What are you all thankful for?  Now use those links to the right!!

ToT: What the hell is a handbasket?

Topic:
People often say that our country is going/has gone to 'hell in a handbasket'...do you agree? If so, what do you think is driving this...politics, changing family values, something else? Or, do you feel like we are generally doing okay considering things going on in other parts of the world?

I'd just like to say that it is officially 3 days after Tuesday.  And not ONE of the ToT-ers has posted regarding this topic. 

Sure, one just had twins.  And one has lots of kids and a full time job.  One is in the military and is very busy with training.  And one has been laid up this week with a crazy weird thing going on.  But still.  I am the first.

I spoke in person (I KNOW, RIGHT?!?) with fellow ToT-er Michelle last night and she asked me, "Have you written your ToT post yet?"  When I told her I hadn't and that the reason was because I don't really know where to go with it, she responded with, "Yep, me too!!  I keep thinking, 'I don't want to go there!!!'"

I'm glad I'm not alone.

But I trudge on.  And I try to tackle the difficult stuff.  All in the name of ToT.

There is no easy answer to this question.  And I have approximately 75 answers that go down several different avenues.

I think for most people, the answer to this question boils down to just a few factors.  1.  Age.  2.  Children  3.  Political involvement and/or non-involvement.  And then there is also a heirarchy that goes with each of those 3 things.  Damn...I should just draw a flow chart. 

BUT...even with all that being said above, I believe that our perception of the world comes down to one thing:  THE AMOUNT OF INFORMATION THAT IS READILY AVAILABLE TO US AT THIS POINT IN HISTORY.

Think of a pyramid.  The food pyramid (which has now been replaced with a plate...guess that shows my age a bit), Maslow's Hierarchy, whatever pyramid you want to think of, and place the three things I named above near the top.  Those three things can be broken down into more specific things.  At the very tip top, place "Information Readily Available About ANY Subject."

Don't get me wrong here.  Ignorance is NOT bliss.  Knowledge IS power.  But COMMON SENSE seems to be anything but common these days.

There is no denying that the older we get, the more aware we become of certain things.  We develop ideas and opinions of (hopefully) our own instead of just blindly believing in what our parents tell us to.  Many of us become aware of politics and choose a side.  Many of us have children..and BELIEVE YOU ME that having children GREATLY changes a person's view of the world.

We start watching the news.  We read the newspaper.  We have adult friends with whom we openly discuss our world views.  We become...informed.  And while being informed is an outstanding and liberating idea, I do believe that there is a such thing as being OVER informed (read:  MISinformed).

Let's use Facebook as an example.  Election season is upon us and people are coming out of the woodwork to declare their allegiance to whoever the next patsy is that will become our president.  Sorry, kids.  They are ALL patsies.  I know many of you will disagree with me.  But there isn't one president who took this nation and made it great ALL alone and made it great for ALL of us at the same time.  There is always someone or another pulling those puppet strings.  That's just the way it is.

As I scroll through my newsfeed, I'm bombarded by links to news articles about all types of political peoples doing ridiculous and stupid things and saying crap that should NEVER be said by anyone, let alone by someone who'd like people to vote for him/her.  Now answer me a question:  DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR, FIRST ELECTED OFFICIAL, FIRST PERSON EVER, FIRST ANYTHING, WHO HAS DONE AND/OR SAID SOMETHING OF THIS NATURE?

You bet your ass it isn't.  This may be the eleventybillionth time someone did something like this.  It's just that now we all know about it 24/7/365 through millions of outlets.  And we really can't get away from it.  If you're on Twitter, you see it.  If you're on Facebook, you see it.  If you're on Youtube, you see it.  If you're on Pinterest, you see it.  Television, radio, internet, people talking in a restaurant.  IT'S EVERYWHERE.  And we can't escape.  This isn't the first time it's happened.  It's just the first time that we've all been informed of it in a million different ways mere seconds after it actually happens.

Politics isn't the only victim of this flood of information.  Try raising a kid these days.  There are no less than 80 million websites telling you everything from how to tell if your child will be autistic at the age of 3 months to how to potty train a kid by one year old to how to deal with a growth spurt to how to...how to...how to...  And a whole other lot of "Don't do" websites/blogs.  And a whole other lot of "You're a horrible person if you do/don't do" websites/blogs. 

And if you aren't internet savvy?  Go to the library.  Everyone and their effing brother has written a book (including the ever-famous/batshit crazy Jenny McCarthy) about raising children.  (Sidenote: Here is my piece of propaganda for the decade.  Don't be overly sensitive here.  I OPENLY SAID that it was propaganda.  But I still think it's interesting.)  Hell, I think I'm going to write a book about raising kids!!!  I've raised one to 4 years old and she's still alive, so I'm pretty much an expert, right?!?

My point in all of this is that I have NO idea if the world is going to hell in a handbasket.  And by the way, what does that even really mean?!?  If there is going to hell in a handbasket going on, then it's not because of the world.  It's because of...US.  People.  Humans.  You and me.

We don't know how to do anything on our own.  My mom raised me in a time where the internet didn't even exist.  She read NO books about parenting and/or raising children.  And here I sit, a good head on my shoulders, NOT in therapy from her screwing me up and raising a child of my own!!!  Praise the Lord!!!  People CAN do things without being so informed that it is truly a handicap!!!

We don't know what to think.  We don't know how to process information and make informed personal decisions without the help of media outlets.  And for me in particular, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IS ACTUALLY TRUE IN THIS FLOOD OF INFORMATION.  Am I alone there? 

We don't even know how to take care of babies.  I firmly believe in the motherly instinct.  I really do.  I think it is programmed in us to know how to raise kids.  But good grief...we're all standing around doubting ourselves and our abilities because Dr. Sears said breastmilk is best. 

Y'all...we KNOW how to do this.  We KNOW how to make informed decisions.  We KNOW how to DO THINGS!!!  And most of all, we KNOW how to use the BRAINS IN OUR HEADS!!!!!  Or do we?

The world itself hasn't changed much in my opinion.  It's people who've changed.  We've lost our way.  And it's crippling.

When I was younger, I told people that I didn't want any children because it would be very difficult to raise a kid in this world that we live in today.  And then I looked around.  And it suddenly became my CIVIC FREAKIN' DUTY to raise a functioning member of society.  If we don't teach kids how to NOT send the world to hell in a handbasket, THEY WON'T KNOW.  Simple as that.

So...what do we do?!?  We raise the next generation.  We do good by our families, our kids, our communities.  We become the change we want to see (Thanks, Ghandi).  We trust in ourselves.  And most of all, we do all of this with compassion and understanding and a helpful hand.

And this too shall pass.

ToT: Raising a Child in a World of Controversy

This week was a free week.  To catch up, to write about whatever you want, or to reflect on one or two topics that I myself chose.  Those 2 topics were the Chick-fil-A controversy and the Aurora, CO shooting.
Why did I do that?!?  Why did I have to go and throw those topics in there?

I had a perfectly trivial topic planned.  You know those frugal fashion bloggers who find some expensive clothing item and then find cheaper alternatives?  That was my blog entry for this week.  And then I had to go and ruin it with all that thinking I had to do.

Today I'll be covering the Chick-fil-A controversy.  I'll be covering it in the manner that my title suggests...how will I raise a child in this world of "hate chicken?"  What will I teach her?

I have read a MILLION different pieces of...literature?...about Chick-fil-A.  I say "literature" with a question mark because I don't know that I'd classify opinion pieces on the internet as literature.  Not that they don't hold some sort of merit, but that when I think of literature, I think of 2 things:  A. A book written by an author in a library.  B. A piece of writing containing facts.  I understand that there are things wrong with my definition (especially in the age of the interwebs) and that SOMEONE will think less of me for my definition, but at this point, that is the least of my worries.

In this day and age, the Technological Age, the Social Media Age, the Age Where We're All Supposed To Be Sticking Together As A Human Race And Helping Out One Another...whatever it is y'all want to call it, it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish between facts and propaganda.  Facts and opinions.  Facts and outright lies.  If there is one bad thing that comes as a direct result of the internet that DIRECTLY AFFECTS ME ON A DAILY BASIS, this is it. 

It's difficult to know who to believe.

I was on my high school's debate team for 3.5 years.  I had a VERY good debate coach (Shout out to Ms. Davidson) and she taught me a LOT about learning facts before making a decision.  She also taught me how to argue both sides of damn near any argument...more of a curse than a blessing it turns out.  She taught me that most people usually lie somewhere in the middle of the 2 opposing sides, but that they probably don't know it.  See...everything is NOT a duality.  Not black and white.  Not good and evil.  Not day and night.  Any debatable topic can be argued on a continuum. 

Think of a timeline but without the dates.  Think of a horizontal line with "Everything is White" on one end and "Everything is Black" on the other end.  And right in the middle is a hash mark with "Many things are not black OR white."  And along the entire line are other hash marks..."Some things are black."  "Some things are white."  "Some things are sort of black."  "Some things are sort of white."

I'm not sure why we're all so inclined to argue dualities.  I have a (albeit, fairly useless in the working world) Bachelor's degree in Philosophy.  I had a professor, Dr. McCarty, who always made the joke that dualities are a philosopher's worst nightmare and best friend all at the same time.  A duality can in and of itself win any argument.  But it's way too easy to win.  We philosophers don't like to easily win arguments.  There is a process to winning an argument in a philosopher's mind and winning by simply saying, "Well, it's white!!  That's it!!" is nowhere in the process.  That's just not how we roll.  And many times in a philisophical debate, there is no winner.  But we all walk away a little more enlightened and probably not as opposed to the other side as we were when we began.

And, come on, people.  Winning by saying "Well, it's White!! That's it!!" is as much of a cop out as lying directly in the middle of a controversial issue.

Back to Chick-fil-A.  There are 3 opinion pieces that I've read that have affected me.  There are some arguments and thoughts that don't affect me anymore regarding this issue for the simple fact that they have been overused.  For example, comparing this controversy to supporting the KKK?  That doesn't affect me anymore.  That is not to say that there isn't some truth to the statement, but this will unlikely change anyone's mind.  Especially in a Facebook forum.

If you read ONE kindhearted thing regarding Chick-fil-A, read fellow ToT poster Sarah's entry.  Sarah may be one of the kindest people I've ever known.  She supports equal rights.  She supports all people's freedom to live a happy life.  She is doing a job that many of us could NEVER do.  And she makes some outstanding points.  The 2 that stand out in my mind are that there are REAL people involved here (you aren't just hurting a multi-millionaire by boycotting...there is potential to hurt REAL people who are just trying to make a living) and that if we knew the business of our other big businesses, we'd be equally pissed off at them (see her link for Green America).

Sarah hit the nail on the head for me.  She articulated what I was having such a difficult time saying.  And I am so very happy I read her entry before I wrote this.  I am enlightened.

Please also read these if you are so inclined:  An Open Letter to Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy and The Chick Fellatio: Stuck in The Craw. Two opinions that lie somewhere on a continuum.  Please do NOT think that these opinions represent my beliefs.  These are simply the things that have helped me come to my own conclusion of things.

I have a difficult time taking other's opinions for my own (I don't even read fellow ToT entries until I write my own).  Especially when the FACTS are hard to come by.  I am appalled by where Chick-fil-A's money is going.  APPALLED.  And I would be just as appalled if I knew where the money of the other multi-million dollar companies from which I consume were made public.  And that's just the thing...it's another duality.

All or none?  Do we boycott every organization we don't believe is doing the right thing or do we just boycott the ones that affect us or piss us off the most?  Hmm...

Any of you who are boycotting Chick-fil-A shop at Walmart?  You better do some research.  If you are a human rights advocate, you'll be horrified.  I promise.

Anyone who knows me knows that I support equal rights.  I am incredibly pro gay marriage.  People should be free to be happy in the way that they are...well, happiest.  Gay, straight, polygamous, single, etc.  Whatever makes your skirt fly up.  And it should go without saying, but I'll say it...as long as the people in said relationship are consenting.  This rules out people marrying their dogs, goats, televisions, etc. 

I support equal rights.  I want you all to have the same rights that I do as a happily married person with a child.  I want that.  It's just that this issue lies somewhere on that continuum.  It isn't black and it isn't white.

I am boycotting Chick-fil-A.  I am doing this mainly because of where their money goes.  I will stand up next to my fellow humans because that is the right thing to do.  That is not to say that I lie on the ass end of the continuum.  I'm still somewhere in the middle. 

And I can hear people everywhere mumbling, "Well, that's just a cop out."  Is it?  Is it a cop out to do the right thing but to still think other opinions, thoughts, beliefs and even some actions aren't necessarily wrong?  Is it a cop out to not have such a strong opinion that I can still see another side of an argument?  Then...guilty as charged.

And this will more than likely begin a long string of me "shopping my values" as Sarah would say.  I fear that this is just the beginning.  Not just for me...but for us as a nation. 

"Where does Jayna come in?  This is supposed to be about you raising a child."

I plan to teach her all of the things that Ms. Davidson and Dr. McCarty taught me.  I don't want her to merely have thoughts.  I want her to have a thought PROCESS.  I want her to be a critical thinker and be able to think from every angle.  ALWAYS remember that there are 3 sides to every story and imagine walking a mile in the shoes of all 3 sides.  Get the facts.  Create your own opinions.  Create your own rebuttals.  But, for the love of Delores, BE NICE.  Be patient and kind and appreciative that we live in a world where we're allowed the freedom to have our own opinions and feelings and beliefs. 

Also?  I want to teach her to love PEOPLE.  All people.  The world hardens us, it makes us argue to the point of losing friends...over a chicken store.  We are bigger than our differences.  We are all human and we're all in this damn thing together.

But mostly?  Life isn't easy.  But that's what makes it so damn rewarding.

I will challenge her.  I will teach her to challenge me (and not just on the time of her curfew).  I don't want a sheep.  I want a thinking, feeling human.  But one who knows love and compassion and equality AND critical thinking.

It won't be easy.  Especially because I refuse to dole out my opinions to her.  I will guide her.  I will help her understand fact from fiction to the best of my ability.  I will allow her to make her own choices regarding where she stands on the continuum.  And most of all?  I'll love that kid until I can't love anymore.  As the Beatles say, "All you need is love."

And all of this, my friends, will be much more difficult for me than it will be for her.

Cop out?  You be the judge.

ToT: Just Another Day

Topic:
A Day in The Life:  What is a typical day in your life?  How do weekdays differ from weekends?  How do you balance out life's "chores" from the betterm more enticing things such as spending time with friends, family, hobbies or recreation?  How do you fit it all in to make sure everything gets done (get up early, stay up late, recruit help from hubby/other family, hire it out, etc.)?  At the end of the day do you go to bed feeling like you accomplished the majority of what needed to be done or do you think of all the things you've had to let roll over to be done another day?

I'm not sure how to really answer all those questions, so I'm going to procrastinate and show you a sweet picture of how I start my days:

Every weekday morning after we have breakfast, Chris leaves for work and Jayna and I have about 10 minutes before we have to brush teeth, brush hair and go to school. 

And every morning after breakfast, without fail, I hear these glorious words:  "Mommy, do we have time to cuddle on the couch?"

You bet we do.  Even if we don't. 

You see, I've come to expect cuddle time on the couch before I come to work.  If I don't get my JBird cuddles before I have to continue onto my "get-rich-slow scheme," I am cranky for the rest of the day.

I know the cuddles won't last forever.  I know my time is limited.  And I know that I should soak in these moments because the day will inevitably come when she is...gulp...TOO OLD FOR CUDDLES.

And to that I say BOOOOO.

I have a difficult time in realizing that these little things are the big things.  Some say it's a personality flaw.  I agree.  I worry too much.  I think too much about the future.  I get frustrated with things I have no control over.  And I don't stop to smell the roses that often. 

It's a sad life I live.

After breakfast JBird cuddles have helped me with that.  If I didn't cuddle with her in the morning, I'd have time to do the dishes.  I'd have time to start a load of laundry.  I'd probably even have time to PUBLISH A FREAKIN' TOGETHER ON TUESDAY ENTRY ON AN ACTUAL TUESDAY.  But I don't really care about dishes.  Or laundry.  And let's face it...there aren't that many of you reading.  If I'm a day late, I figure y'all will forgive me.  Just these 9 times. :)

And now to answer the topic questions FO' REALZ.

What is a typical day in your life?

A typical workday for me is, well...a typical workday.  I get up around 5am, make myself as presentable as I need to be, eat breakfast, cart the kid off to school and go to work.  I work from around 7:45am to 3:30pm.  When I get off work, I will sometimes run a few errands to give Jayna some extra playtime with her schoolmates, or I'll go pick her up and we'll go home to continue the daily grind.  Getting home means taking care of the dog, doing chores, making dinner and playing with Jayna.  After that it's bath and bedtime for Jayna around 8pm.  And THAT'S when the REAL FUN begins!!

Just kidding.

Don't get me wrong...I do love those couple of hours after Jayna goes to bed so that I can do whatever it is I feel like doing.  Last night I did some gardening.  Some nights I watch television.  Some nights Chris and I sit on the back patio and I listen to him play guitar and I sing along to the songs with him.  Some nights we have deep talks about worldly things (read:  work and/or parenting).  Some nights I read.  And some nights I'm snoring on the couch by 8:30pm.

So...that's a typical day.  But right now, things are NOT typical at all.

Right now, Jayna has swimming on Tuesdays, tumbling on Wednesdays, and swimming again on Thursdays.  I spend most of Monday evening making dinner for those 3 nights since there is NO time to do it on the actual night.  And Friday is spent watching movies or going out to dinner.  You know, family time.

We stay busy.  And we like it that way.  For the most part. 

How do weekdays differ from weekends?

A typical weekend?  That doesn't exist. 

The staples are trips to the grocery and Sam's, cleaning the house (sure...), and trying to see Nana M or Nana B.  Those are the things we try to fit in.  But that doesn't always happen.

Yes, we keep up with the daily chores.  The dishes, the laundry, making sure the bathrooms aren't a pit and vacuuming.  Those are things that get done atleast once a week.  Other things like dusting?  We ain't got no time for no dusting.  It gets done when it gets done.  We are way too busy creating memories for ourselves and for our Jayna to be missing out on things because of a little dust.

In June, we have had NO free weekends.  The first weekend was spent at the zoo and at a baseball game.  The second on was spent at a pool party and a father's day barbecue.  The next one will be the Dave Matthew's concert and another baseball game.  And the last one will be our 10th anniversary and a company picnic.  The first weekend of July will be spent at the lake.  The second will be spent in Washington, D.C.  The third?  Maybe we'll get to sleep in or see our long-neglected friends!!!!!

See?  I told you we stay busy.

We love doing all these things.  But it really does interfere with things that NEED to be done.

How do you balance out life's "chores" from the better more enticing things such as spending time with friends, family, hobbies or recreation? How do you fit it all in to make sure everything gets done (get up early, stay up late, recruit help from hubby/other family, hire it out, etc.)? 

We don't balance out.  We do memory making FIRST and chores LATER.  Is this the best policy?  It is for now.  That will change.  Before I had a kid, I would come home every Friday and clean the whole house top to bottom.  That way it would be clean for the weekend.  And now?  Well, for now that isn't going to happen.

Jayna is little.  She is young and she is impressionable and she is soooo dang cute.  She loves to spend time with us and we love providing memory making experiences for her.  She is and forever will be our only child and we will only get one chance at this time in her life.  We have chosen to take advantage of it.

That isn't to say that I don't get frustrated with the clutter in our tiny house and eventually explode into a cleaning frenzy.  It happens.  Not just to me, but to Chris too.

When Chris and I first started living together, I did 100% of the cleaning.  After all, I was the one with less responsibilities and more time on my hands.  Well, that changed along the line and my 100% cleaning responsibility did NOT change.  So he and I had a sit down talk at a bar (probably Yogi's) and I told him very plainly:  I am not, nor will I ever be, a housewife.  I don't make all the messes and I shouldn't be responsible for cleaning all of them up.  He responded in a positive manner and to this day...more than 10 years later...he still does atleast 50% of the household chores.

He and I have a system.  It's called Get It Done.  If the dishes aren't done and Chris is working late, I do the dishes.  If I'm having a swell time playing with Jayna and don't want to stop to vacuum, Chris vacuums.

Actually, Chris vacuums 100% of the time.  I hate it and I refuse to do it.  The end.  I reciprocate by cleaning the toilets 100% of the time.  We'll skip the part where HE cleaned the toilets on Father's Day.  Ahem.

Anyhoo, my point is this:  We don't have set chores.  We just get shit done because it has to be done.  And we are respectful of one another and we understand when one or the other needs to pick up the slack on occasion.

Organized chaos.  That's how we live.

At the end of the day do you go to bed feeling like you accomplished the majority of what needed to be done or do you think of all the things you've had to let roll over to be done another day?

I NEVER go to bed feeling like I accomplished everything that needed to be done.  NEVER.

Does anyone?  Maybe Martha Stewart, but we'll go ahead and be honest when we say that she has people doing lots of things FOR her at this point.

Even when I was single and childless did I ever feel like I accomplished enough in one day.  Never.

Lately though, I've been asking myself different questions at bedtime.  Did I give Jayna enough attention today?  Did we play enough?  Did I ignore her?  Did we make memories?

Those are the important questions at this time in my life.  And I take the answers to those questions VERY seriously.


The long and short of my days are to just ENJOY living.  Yes, there are things that must be done that aren't enjoyable.  But I like to think like my favorite nanny, Mary Poppins:  "In every job that must be done, there's an element of fun."

Dang.  I don't really think like that.  We just rock out to the Disney station on Pandora waaaaayyyyy ttttoooooo mmuuccchhhh. 

But really.  When we clean the house, there is music blaring and we're ALL (Jayna included) singing and dancing along.  We cook meals together.  We do chores together.  Everything is less of a chore when you have a helper. :)

We enjoy life.  After all, that's ultimately why we're here.



Now:  go over to the sidebar on the right and read about the days of the other fine ToT ladies!

Together on Tuesday: Like an Addict

Today's topic was one that I posed and now I'm quite embarrassed by my answers.  Isn't it ironic...don't you think?

And it's Tuesday, y'all, so make sure you go on over and see what Michelle has to say when you're through here.

Today's question:

"How dependent are you on technology; i.e. cable television, internet, cell phones, etc?  Are you okay with your answer or do you want to become more/less dependent?"

Here goes y'all: 

Hello.  My name is Danielle and I'm addicted to technology.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.  But...is it a problem?

Here is a short list of things I do with technology on a regular basis:

• Shopping.  I do loads of shopping online.  I know where most of the free shipping deals are and I know that sometimes paying the shipping is still cheaper than buying from a store. 
• Research.  I research EVERYTHING I do.  Crochet.  Scrapbooking.  Gardening.  Parenting.  Things I buy.  Things I'm in the market for.  Houses.  Cars.  Everything.
• Social networking.  Of course.  This is a big one for me not because I love drama and having fake friends, but because it has connected me with so very many people that I wouldn't otherwise be connected with.  I love that part of it.  We can all keep up with one another's public lives on our own terms in our own time.  I do still talk to my friends and see them (although not as much as I'd like), but social networking is great for keeping us connected during those busy times in life where picking up the phone is difficult.
• Blogging.  I LOVE blogging.  I print my blogs out and make books out of them.  I have my entire pregnancy blog made into a book.  It's a great way to journal and preserve memories for yourself and your children.  And remember:  IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.  Who cares if no one reads?!?  I'll make you all a deal.  If you start a blog I'll diligently read it whenever you write.
• To process photos.  I use Picasa to edit and Snapfish/Walgreens to print.  I use Postal Pix to get my Instagram photos printed.

Those are probably the top 5.  There are a million more and that list could be a blog entry in and of itself. 

With all that being said, I still know how to do things without technology.  I know how to use a pay phone (or how to ask some unsuspecting kind stranger if I can use his cell phone..."I promise I won't call China."), I know how to do math on paper, I know how to write on paper and I still actually ENJOY that.  I KNOW how to do those things.  But, as it turns out, those things are very inconvenient compared to today's modern...um...conveniences.  (I think I just did that thing that is a no no where you use the word itself to define a word.  Oops.)


INTERNET - too dependent to EVER quit
I think my addiction to the internet happened when I started using it to research things.  This is a big one now because I am usually strapped for time.  Okay, probably not as strapped as I think, but strapped because I'd rather spend my time doing things I LIKE instead of going to 9 different stores looking for a piece of furniture.  I'd instead like to think of what I want, visit several furniture store websites, decide if they have what I'm looking for in my price range and THEN go visit 3 stores instead of 9.  I can research something small like this in around 30 minutes.  I'd spend triple that plus gas for the car if I were to visit all those stores.

This method not only saves me time, but it usually saves me money.  I have planted tomato and pepper plants in pots on my back patio for several years.  This year I decided that I wanted to plant a small in-the-ground vegetable garden.  Instead of going to Lowe's, buying a prefab raised garden bed, filling it with expensive soil only to do everything wrong and waste lots of money on wood and dirt and plants, I decided that I wanted to plant things, did research on the cheapest way to build it, the cheapest way to fill it with nutrient-rich soil, the best layout to utilize my small space and exactly how to plant things in there.  And now I've invested a total of $94.00 in a vegetable garden that will grow enough veggies until fall.  A decent prefab garden bed is about $75.00 alone.  That doesn't include soil to fill it or the plants.  I consider this a success.

So there you have it.  I am a research freak and I use the internet for about 98% of that research.  Without the internet, would I be able to exist and still research things?  You bet.  I know where the library is and I even know how to use it.  I know where to buy things and how to compare prices and methods "by hand."  I much prefer doing internet research, but I CAN do it the other way too.


CELL PHONE - more dependent than I should be
My huge addiction to cell phone technology happened a little over a year ago with my introduction to the iPhone.  I never thought I'd be able to do everything that I do on a computer with my phone.  And I can.  There are some amazing apps out there that allow me to do everything I do at my desktop/laptop computer on my iPhone.  I'll have carpal tunnel syndrome before you know it!!

We no longer have a landline phone.  Chris has an iPhone.  I have an iPhone.  That's it.  And don't give me that "But what if blah blah happens and you can't use your cell phone?" hooey.  Seriously people.  I could just as easily make the argument that something could happen to your landline phone and if you don't have a cell phone you're screwed.  Let's not have that back and forth.

I am way more accessible on a cell phone than I would be on a landline anyway.  What if my cell phone rings and I can't answer it?  That, my friends, is what voicemail is for. :)

Health risks?  What health risks?  I have as much chance of having a health problem from eating store bought vegetables treated with pesticide as I do with cell phone use.  I won't live my life that way.  Sorry.

I DO still adhere to general cell phone etiquette.  There aren't many things that piss me off more than someone trying to talk on a cell phone while they're checking out at a store.  If I talk on my phone at a store, I make sure that I'm not a "loud talker," I make sure I'm out of people's way, and I DON'T TALK WHILE I'M WITH A CASHIER.  Hell, I don't even talk on my cell phone while I'm at a U-Scan.  It's just rude in my opinion.  I also rarely talk on my phone at restaurants.  Sometimes a conversation can just wait.


CABLE TELEVISION - not dependent at all
As most of you probably know, we cut the cord on our cable about 3 months ago.  We do not pay a cable bill anymore.  That saves us a total of $86.31 per month.

I plan on writing an entire post tomorrow or Thursday dedicated to cable television and my quest to dump it.  It's a topic that is near and dear to my heart.  So, be prepared within the next couple of days to find out how you ALL can spend as little as $200.00 up front and as little as $8.00 per month to watch 95% of all the television you watch now.  Seriously.  I mean it.

Even though we aren't at all dependent on cable television, we use internet access and a wireless network to watch television programs.  It's a toss up, but my way saves us enough money per month to pay our car insurance.


Am I okay with all of this?  HELL YES.  I am okay with how dependent I am upon technology.  I still plan to teach Jayna "long hand."  She'll know how to use a real phone.  She'll know how to look things up in books.  She'll know how to do math without a calculator.  But it is important ESPECIALLY FOR HER that she learn about technology and how it can benefit and/or hurt her.  These things aren't going anywhere anytime soon and as we all know...if you can't beat 'em, you may as well join 'em. :)

We have an iPad and that is Jayna's main interaction with technology.  Don't let that fool you though.  She isn't JUST playing games on there.  She listens to music.  She looks at the pictures I take.  She has more education apps than she does playing apps.  She gets some honing of her fine motor skills and all the while we're getting her acquainted with the sort of technology that she'll need to be acquainted with.  These skills will be more important for her than they'll ever be for me.

Jayna "coloring" on the iPad.  She's better at it than I am. :)

How about you?  Are you dependent upon technology?  Too much?  Not enough?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Now, head on over to After 9 and Some Weekends to read about Michelle's habits!!

Together on Tuesday: Riveting Television, Part II

Yesterday y'all got to read about Mad Men.  I had one request that I go ahead and watch the 2 hour Season 5 Premiere even though it is just one episode and not a whole season.  Penny:  I'd LOVE to watch it.  But I can't.  No, really.  I actually can't.  See, I dropped our cable because it was "empty calories."  We watch television via Netflix, Hulu and a program called Playon.  And AMC participates in exactly ZERO of those methods.  I can't even PAY to watch the new episode without subscribing to cable.  And I'm not willing to do that right now.  I was livid pissed for about one day.  And then I remembered what is important and got over myself.  (I didn't really get over it.  I'm still just a little upset.)
So...I'll have to watch it after the entire season is released on DVD.

I almost had a panic attack as I typed that.

****UPDATE: THE SEASON 5 PREMIERE OF MAD MEN HAS BEEN UPLOADED TO THE AMCTV WEBSITE.****

BUT....

I'm not here to piss and moan or talk about Mad Men.  I'm here to talk about another AMC series that is absolutely amazing.  If it were a book, I'd call it a page turner.  I could call it "Must See TV," but NBC may or may not sue me.  So if they ask, I didn't call it that.

Enter: Walter White, Jesse Pinkman

Breaking Bad is possibly the best series that I've ever watched.  Let me just set up a scenario for you all:

You are in your late 40s.  You are a middle class family ($40,000 a year) with a son with disabilities.  Your wife has been a stay-at-home-mom for quite a few years and by some stroke of...luck?...she ends up pregnant in her 40s.  Healthy baby.  Healthy pregnancy.  Because of this pregnancy, you get another job at a car wash working AFTER your 9 to 5 to supplement your meager income. 

Sounds pretty believable to me.  This happens to people everyday.  And there is nothing exciting or out of the ordinary about it.

You notice one day that you have a cold and a cough.  This lands you in the ER where you learn that you have adenocarcinoma.  Incurable.  Not long to live.  You leave behind a pregnant wife, a disabled son, a mortgage, several more bills, etc.  No savings account.  No rainy day fund.

WHAT DO YOU DO? 

Do you seek treatment for your terminal illness thus putting your family in debilitating debt knowing full well that this treatment will most likely NOT save or even help you?

WHAT DO YOU DO?

What if you had a special talent that wasn't legal, but would produce a large amount of money in a short amount of time?

WHAT DO YOU DO?

How do you provide for your family after your ultimate and untimely demise?  Do you risk your life and your freedom NOW so that you may secure a fruitful future for your family?

It's all very...loaded.  Emotionally loaded.  Morally loaded.  Legally loaded.  Sociologically and psychologically loaded.  Loaded.  To the max.

And some parts of it are hilarious. 

In the first season of Breaking Bad, we are introduced to Walter White and made to believe that he is somewhat of a loser.  An underachiever.  A sissy.  Well, keep watching.  When pushed into a corner, ya do what ya gotta do.  And Walter White is pretty much the epitome of that statement.  He does what he has to do to survive and protect the people he loves, including Jesse. And he makes no apologies for his actions.

Jesse Pinkman.  Oh, Pinkman.  "This is my private domicile and I'll not be harrassed...BITCH."  I love Jesse.  I especially loved Jesse when he was clean.  When he was attempting to put his life in order.  But most of all, I like that he tries sooooo hard and seems only to further complicate things.  And I love that he makes decisions based on his emotions.  A pretty real character.

Overall, I think the premise of this series is just a little too damn believable.  I think it paints an accurate social picture of what people will do in this day and age for the almighty dollar.  I also think it paints an accurate, albeit watered down, picture of the drug culture.  It is sometimes very difficult to watch (i.e. Wendy the Prostitute, Crazy Eight, The Cousins, Tuco, The Skank with the redheaded child) but very difficult to forget when you do watch.

If you haven't seen any of Breaking Bad, please do so.  Atleast the first 3 or 4 episodes.  You'll laugh.  You'll cry.  You'll cringe.  And if someone knocks on your door at 3am asking to come in because someone kicked him out and beat him up, you may or may not think that a drug dealer is at your door waiting to kidnap and kill you.  Trust me...that may or may not think that.  And by may not, I mean you WILL DEFINITELY THINK THAT.

Breaking Bad is available to watch at all these places.

Are YOU a Breaking Bad fan?  Why?  Why not?

Together on Tuesday: Riveting Television

So here's the thing:  I don't get nearly the amount of time that I'd like to read.  Like, read books.  ADULT books.  Not books with rhyming words or books about mischievous little monkeys.  Like Stephen King books.  And Kurt Vonnegut books.  I...well, I just don't have the time.

That's probably a lie.  I probably DO have the time.  You always make time for the things that are important to you.  Like when I say that I don't have time to go to the gym.  I did LAST year when it was important to me.  But now my priorities have shifted and I'm nurturing other sides of myself.  And the reading side and the gym side are starving.

That being said, I am the kind of person who 1. LOVES sleep and 2. LOVES to read a book from beginning to end in one night.  See how those two things don't mesh well?  The only time I really have to read is before bed.  And at the ripe old age of 31, staying up for an entire night to read a book is out of the question.  I have a full time job and on the weekends, I'm doing family things and artsy things and playing outside and drinking wine on the patio.  We have a rule at our house:  NO reading on the patio.  You drink.  You play instruments.  You sing along with songs.  You have good old fashioned fun INTERACTION.  Our patio is not for quiet introspection.  It is for talking until you cry or laugh or punch something and getting it all out in the open and maybe, just MAYBE, coming to terms with your life and your issues.  If you want to be alone, our patio is not the place to be.

But this isn't a post about my patio.  It's a post about reading. 

That was also a lie.  This post is not about reading.

"And you know what the worst part is?  I never learned to read!!!" 

Three bonus points to the first person to Name That Movie.  :)

This is a post about television.  You know, what I do when I COULD BE READING?!?

Much like I like to read books in one fell swoop, I prefer to watch a television series after it's already aired and has been released on DVD so that I can watch the episodes back to back.  Preferably multiple seasons so that I can totally engross myself in the series for weeks on end.  You know...so much so that the line between the 1960's and today becomes so blurry that I start to think that keeping a bottle of whiskey at my desk and lighting one smoke off of another are perfectly acceptable to society.  I like to study characters and their motives and sympathize with drug dealers because "they were doing it for their families and they weren't killing people."

I guess what I'm really saying is that I like to be crazy.  In a nutshell, I guess that's it.

Enter:  Don Draper.



(photo courtesy of AMC)

I actually have 2 series to write about, but I'm only writing about one today.  I'll finish this up tomorrow with the second one.  I feel I'm too long winded, especially when talking about something as psychologically engaging as Mad Men, to write about 2 series in one post.  The other series is equally as engaging, but on more of a sociological front.

I know that I'm not the first person EVER to write a blog entry on the ins and outs and ups and downs and juicy details of Mad Men.  I'm probably not even in the top 100,000.  But I may be in the minority because I write from the perspective that I HATED this show when I first tried to watch it.  All of the philandering.  All of the cheating and lying and smoking and fixing problems with alcohol (okay, maybe I wasn't too upset with the last one).  The disrespect toward women.  The content of these women that they were either sex objects or they were workhorses.  There was nothing in between.  If you were a woman in this show and you had an opinion, you were looked down upon.  The fact that Don Draper seemed to have it all and still wasn't satisfied.  Roger Sterling and Joan Holloway disgusted me.  Pete Campbell and his snide ass-kissing attitude had me up in arms.  And Peggy.  Oh, Peggy.  Get a freakin' makeover. 

But I kept watching.

And I kept watching.

With every passing episode, I'd look over at Chris when the credits were rolling behind those haunting songs that seemed to fit so perfectly with the plot and say, "I think that was probably my last Mad Men episode."

But then the next night would come.  And I'd watch it again. 

And before I knew it, I was all the way through the first season.

Don Draper is a fascinating character.  He has his character flaws which make his character even that more likable and ultimately believable.  I sympathize with him.  I hate him.  I love him.  I quote him all the time ("Our worst fears lie in anticipation.").  I think he is wise.  I think he is horribly ignorant.  And this is the way that I like to feel about television.  I like to feel REAL feelings.

I want to be like Joan, only I don't want to be like her.  She is sylish, strong, she knows (mostly) what she wants out of life.  She isn't afraid to speak her mind.  And her flaws also make her a believable and trusted character. 

Roger Sterling is probably my favorite character.  He's...ballsy.  He takes risks and he doesn't think of the consequences in advance.  I love that he divorced from an unhappy marriage, although I don't love the immediate reasons.  He is funny and inappropriate in an unapologetic way.  He makes no excuses for who he is.  He is upfront about his motives and pays no mind to those who disagree.  I love him as a character but would hate to know him in real life.

I can't stand Pete Campbell.  He's a crybaby and has more sense of entitlement than anyone should EVER have.  That is all.

Peggy.  Oh, Peggy.  I...don't even know what to say.  I never know what she's going to do next.  To me, she is probably the most unpredictable character on the show.  We all know that the men are going to do business, drink, smoke, and get laid by whoever is willing.  The women are either going to sleep with their bosses or get married and have babies.  With Peggy, you just don't know.  Is she a lesbian?  Is she straight?  Will she leave SCDP?  Will she stay?  Will she keep seeing the weirdo guy who put her job in jeopardy?  Will she sleep with Don?  Will she be mad at him?  Does she respect Joan today?  Will she take all of her clothes off in front of a male coworker in a hotel room to prove her point? (The answer to that is YES.) Wayyy tooo many questions with Peggy.  She always keeps it interesting.

This series has shown me a different era in a whole new light:  reality.  This is how it was in that time period.  A man's office was his home away from home and what happens in an office STAYS in an office (until you marry it).  Women weren't respected.  Blacks weren't respected.  Jews weren't respected.  Gays weren't respected.  The white man was in charge and the dollar ruled New York City.  It also shows just how far we've come (and NOT come) as a society.

The psychology of this series keeps you on your feet.  I love the predictability of some of the characters, but I am amazed by the overall unpredictability of the series.  I haven't watched the Season Five premiere, but I'm sure it's just as amazing as all the other episodes.

What are YOU watching these days?  Are you a Mad Men fan?  No?  Why?

Now go on over to Michelle's blog and read her Together on Tuesday post.  It's probably about books because she knows how to read. :)

The Fate of Hookah

So...who's seen the Don Bluth kid's movie Anastasia?  I have.  Approximately 148 times.  It is a favorite in our household.  It is near and dear to my heart for a few reasons:

1. It got Jayna interested in MOVIES instead of 8 minute cartoons.  Yes, it's an animated movie, but it requires her to use her attention span to the max.  I love it.
2. The story of how we acquired it.  Jayna and I were on one of our many Target outings.  In the winter we'd go there just to get out of the house.  At the end of January 2011, it was raining and gross and cold.  I picked her up from school and we went and got a flushie (Icee for those that don't speak Jaynish) and some chips and I pushed her around Target in the cart just to look at things.  We didn't really have anything we needed to buy and I told her that we were just there to look and that we weren't buying any toys.  When we went over to the movie section, she promptly wanted out of the cart.  She's a good kid, so I let her out.  I was standing in CD aisle when I realized she wasn't right there next to me.  I knew she wasn't far, so I turned around and she was standing in front of the end cap.  She looked, picked something up and brought it to me.  It was Anastasia.  She said, "Mommy, this isn't a toy and it's only a 4 and a 7 and a 5.  Can I get it please?"  I thought she somehow mixed up the numbers so I went to the end cap.  She was right!!  It was only $4.75!!  So she got it.  And we've watched it more times than any other Disney movie that I paid over $20.00 for.
3. It made Jayna want to be a princess.  Some of you will think that's bad, but I'm here to tell you that when little girls think they're princesses, even for just a minute, it is the cutest thing that ever happens. :)

And so began the obsession with princesses.  IT WASN'T EVEN A DISNEY MOVIE.  If you have a little girl and you haven't seen Anastasia, you can get it pretty much anywhere for around 5 bucks.  It is a little scary in parts though, so take caution.  Jayna doesn't scare easily and she just laughs at "Raspukin." :)

There's a little dog in the movie that is named Pookah.  We've only known his ACTUAL name for about 3 months.  All this time we thought his name was Hookah...pronounced as who-kah.  Like the pipe.  We thought that because that's what Jayna told us his name was.  We figured she was right because she watches that movie atleast once a week to this day...over a year later.  Turns out, our suspicions were correct in thinking that naming an animated dog in a kid's movie after a tobacco pipe was inappropriate.  Oh well.  Whatareyagonnado?

About 3 weeks after she got Anastasia, Valentine's Day rolled around.  Her great uncle Norbert gave Jayna a little stuffed colorful dog holding a heart.  And of course she promptly named him Hookah and started taking him to school with her everyday.  So then I had to go through the slight embarrassment of her taking a stuffed animal to school EVERY DAMN DAY that was named after a pipe.  When asked why the dog was named that, I just gave them the explanation:  That's the dog's name in the movie Anastasia.  What?  You haven't seen it?  No, really that's the dog's name.  All that time his dang name was Pookah. 

Fast forward to last night.  I was lying in bed with Jayna talking about my day.  About how I do all sorts of cool stuff like send emails and answer the phone and type proposals and send them.  And all of the sudden, she sits up and says, "Mommy, I haven't seen Hookah in, like, awhile."  (Yes, his name is STILL Hookah even though we know the REAL name of the dog and yes, she STILL sleeps with that little dog over a year later.)  So she rummages through her bed and finds him at the bottom stuck between the backboard and the mattress.  She pulled him out and noticed that the little heart he is holding had come unsewn from one of his legs.  The conversation went something like this:

J:  (makes that breathing in really fast and really hard sound)  MOMMY!!!!!!  LOOK!!!!!
Me:  Yeah!  You found him.
J:  NO!!  MOMMY!!!!!  LOOOOOOOK!!!! (followed by intense sobbing and real tears)
Me:  Oh, it's okay Jaynie.  I'll sew it back on in the morning and it will be fine.
J:  No it won't mommy.  (still sobbing)
Me:  Jaynie, it's okay.  It just came loose.  We'll fix it just like we've fixed your other toys.
J:  It's not a toy!  It's HOOKAH!!!  And he's DEAD!!!!!   DEAD LIKE MORGAN!!! (even more intense sobbing.)
Me:  (stunned silent)

From there, I just picked her up and held her.  And squeezed her.  I didn't talk.  I cried.  So did she.  She cried for quite some time.  And I just held onto her.  It was the saddest thing that's ever happened to me since I've been a parent.

She finally settled down and I put her to bed.  And then I promptly left the room, sucked it up and got the sewing box.

I couldn't save Morgan.  I couldn't do anything to help him except give him love and compassion and not make him suffer anymore.  But last night, I saved Hookah.

I took him back into her room and she was still a little upset.  I handed him to her and she smiled a big ass smile and just simply said, "Thank you mommy.  I love you."  And she turned over to go to sleep.

You'll never be forgotten, Moe.  Not even by the little one who only spent a couple of years with you.


This parenting gig?  It's an emotional roller coaster.

Five for Friday: Holiday Thoughts

Man.  Where the hell have I been?!?  What the hell have I been doing?!?  Well, life.  I've been doing life.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I struggle between making sure things are down right PERFECT so they look good in the photos and actually being PRESENT in my life.  I've found that when I'm pushing for things to look a certain way so that I can remember them, I miss things that should absolutely NOT be missed.  And seriously?  The photos are hardly EVER representative of what actually happens.  I'd rather remember things for what they are then for what I WANTED them to be.  I want to be present.  To not miss out on things.  I want to remember because I was there...not because of some photo that was staged.

That, my friends, is one of the main reasons for my absence from blogging.  I try to keep up with the blog.  I try to keep people reading.  But I also need to be there in my life doing things like playing Barbies with my kid...because she NEEDS someone to brush their hair properly, people.  If I'm blogging or trying to stage photos, HOW WILL THOSE BARBIES LOOK FANCY?!?  Yeah, you tell me.

The truth is that Jayna and I have been having so much fun.  We've been playing and crafting and making flarp and cooking together.  Dudes...I am REALLY going to miss 3 years old.  I mean really miss it.  I find myself so concerned with keeping the house cleaned and making the kid eat at the dining room table instead of in the living room and doing the laundry and blogging and taking pictures and...and...and making the kid wear clothes in the house and be nice to her imaginary friend and NOT yell at that dog that I often forget to just...............STOP.  (Collaborate and listen.  I know most of you were thinking that anyway.)  STOP and play.  And listen.  And teach.  And smile.  For the love of all things...just SMILE!!!

Jayna brings me so many smiles that I can't even count 'em.  She makes me laugh.  She makes me cry tears of bittersweetness because she won't be like this forever.  She makes me remember what it's like to be a kid.  And I won't be distracted at this time.

Of course I'm still going to take photos.  That's never going to end.  Should it matter that most of them are iPhone photos?  No...it shouldn't. 

I'll still blog.  I have too many random things to say to not write stuff down. 

I'm just 100% COMPLETELY FINISHED with feeling guilty about how I do or do not do these things.  The end.

Well, the end of that anyway.

The holidays have brought the above epiphany.  I will be DOING this holiday season instead of RECORDING.  I'm sure things will be recorded, but not in the capacity of past years. 

I now present to you:  Five for Friday:  Holiday Thoughts:

1. I am sick and tired of putting my heart and soul into making gifts and/or putting tons of thought into buying gifts for people and them not being AT ALL appreciative.  I'm not saying that I expect people to cry, send me a Thank You card, faint...I'm just saying this:  THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHEN I GIVE YOU A GIFT SAYS MORE THAN YOUR WORDS EVER WILL.  That being said, I refuse to let just a FEW people that I give gifts to ruin my holidays by making me think I just have to hand them cash.  Not. Going to. Happen.  I have a 3-year-old to teach.  I want her to learn that gift-giving doesn't have to be about money.  Gifts can cost a million dollars or nothing at all...it's thoughfulness that is important.  If you DO happen to get a monetary gift, you should think of this as an insult.  And it will only be five bucks.
2. I will not stress over whether or not people have a good time at my house.  This one is going to sound a little harsh.  If I invite you over for a holiday and you actually come, then there is NO complaining about the food, the activities or the lack of things like watching TV.  If you don't like my mashed potatoes because they're made of red potatoes and are chunky, then DON'T EAT THEM.  I happen to LOVE them that way.
3. I am trying my best to be thoughtful with gifts this year.  Not just thoughtful to the person receiving the gifts, but thoughtful about where I buy them.  I am making many of this year's gifts.  Jayna will be helping me.  She LOVES to help me do things.  It makes my heart sing. :)  I am also buying many handmade things from Etsy and from local businesses.  I will not buy ONE SINGLE GIFT at Walmart this year.  Let it be heard.
4. I will be introducing our Elf on the Shelf, Jimmy, right after Thanksgiving.  I am so excited to put thought into what I want this elf to do.  I have some very good ideas that I think Jayna will LOVE.
5. I plan on DOING more things this year with family.  We did so many awesome things around the holidays when I was a kid.  We went to the Circle of Lights show downtown.  We went to plays.  We went shopping together and made cookies together and made ornaments.  We strung popcorn and played in the snow.  I have so many good memories of the holidays and I'm eager to start our own traditions as a family that includes a little girl.

What is YOUR holiday mission statement this year?  I'd love to hear from all of you.

Tales of Turning 3

Jayna has been 3 years old for an entire month now. 

And I'm just now blogging about it.  So sue me.

The Party

Anyhoo, we had an awesome birthday party that was WAY MORE low key than the previous 2.  We did Tinkerbell and her fairy friends theme.  The cupcakes were made by yours truly with colorful sprinkles in them (like Funfetti cake) and pastel icing.  There were also fairy rings on top for the kids to wear after they ate the cupcake. 

There were minimal decorations because, let's face it, kids don't really care about decorations.  We had a Tinkerbell Happy Birthday banner and some paper lanterns.  That's it.  Layla (Laura and Lee) was nice enough to let us borrow her small bounce house as there were only 7 kids there.  They all had fun and Jayna loved all of her gifts and her friends being there.

The party favors were wands and fairy wings for the girls and Bobble glasses and a catching game for the boys.  Although...everyone played with everything.  :)

I was horrible at taking the pictures this year...Chris took most of them.  I've been working on being in the action more which automatically means less pictures on my part.  I loved playing with the kids and talking with some friends. 

And the collage:

We had lots of fairy and princess gifts.  One of her favorite things is her Viewmaster thingy with the Beauty and the Beast reels.  She looks at those pictures for the longest time and talks about how the Beast turns nice. :)


The Pediatrician Visit

At 3 years old, Jayna is 37.25 inches tall and weighs 36 pounds.  She is  thinning out!!  Her BMI is in the 86th percentile.  She's still big, but not too big.  She is doing all of the normal things that 3-year-olds do and her speech is even a little advanced at this point. 

I was told that we're doing everything that we should be doing and that we're doing a good job.  That is great considering that I feel like I screw her up a little more with each passing day.  She even answered almost all the doctor's questions on her own...which was very awesome and very sad at the same time.


The ENT Visit

We visited the ENT earlier this week and got good news.  Both of Jayna's ear drums are healthy, without tubes and doing what they're supposed to!!  NO MORE ENT VISITS!!  I've been waiting for this day for a long time.  I'm trying not to worry about something else going wrong.


The Ophthalmologist Visit

A couple of weeks ago, we went to the eye doctor.  Jayna's exotropia isn't getting any better with the occlusion therapy (long words for "eye patch").  We are continuing the eye patch until January when she goes back for a reevaluation.  If it isn't any better by then, she'll most likely have to have eye muscle surgery on both of her eyes.  It is minimally invasive and not painful.  But it's still surgery and she's still my baby.  I suppose we'll see how it goes.


Sense of Humor

The kid is hilarious.  She has recently picked up on the notion of teasing.  One day we were sitting on the couch together and this was our conversation:

Me:  Let's cuddle for a minute before school, Jaynie.
Jayna:  I don't wanna cuddle, mommy.
Me:  (sad face) Awww!!!  But why not?
Jayna:  Because your mustache tickles me. 

She then broke out into belly laughter and didn't stop laughing for probably 30 seconds.  She then looked up at me and said, "I just teasing you, mommy." (She got that from Beauty and the Beast when Belle's dad drinks out of Chip the teacup.)

When she was about 18 months old and I would help her get undressed for bath, I'd pull her shirt over her head and say, "I am cornholio!!"  You know, like Beavis and Butthead.  I stopped doing that over a year ago.  Very recently, she'll pull her shirt over her head and run through the house saying, "I am cornholio!"  I never thought she'd remember that from so long ago!

She LOVES to do the "Party on, Wayne."  Party on, Garth." Exchange.  She is overall a very funny kid and keeps us on our toes and laughing.


Emotions

I am of the opinion that three-year-olds are actually COMPOSED of emotions.  And then when they turn 4, they grow bones and organs and stuff.  It seems that is all there is to Jayna some days.  And she can go from the happiest person alive to the angriest kid ever in about 20 seconds.  She is quick to laugh, but she is even quicker to become frustrated and sad or angry.  We've been talking a lot with her about how most of the time when she is frustrated, if she'd ask for help and use words instead of whining, things would get better.  We're slowly and very wearily working through it. 

As you all probably know, Jayna has an imaginary friend, Babe.  Babe seems to be the target for many of Jayna's emotions and I can't decide if that's good or bad.  One part of me thinks that I shouldn't let her do that because I don't want her "taking out her emotions" on unsuspecting REAL people later in life.  The other part of me thinks that it's just her way of working out the emotions on her own.

Jayna has become pretty angry lately.  At first I, of course, blamed all of that on myself.  I was doing something wrong.  But she is really just now learning anger and how to deal with it.  It's rough for me, but it's even worse for her.  The best I can do is just help her work through it.


Behavior

Nine times out of 10, Jayna is the best kid I could ask for.  But when she isn't, SHE IS NOT.  Absolutely not.  When something goes wrong, something goes TERRIBLY wrong.  I've been working on my reaction to her also.  There are times when I can very effectively predict how she will react to something...and when that happens, I get downright pissed.  And I react more strongly than I normally would.

That being said, we're also working on what works for punishment.  Currently, we take things away and/or issue a time out.  Let me tell you, folks:  TIME OUTS DO NOT WORK.  Hands down.  Making a kid be quiet when they really just want to be upset for a minute is ridiculous.  I've recently changed the process of time out and I make her go to a different room until she can stop with her fit and be calm.  It works WAY better.  For now.  The taking things away does seem to work.  We automatically take away television because she doesn't need to watch that much television anyway.  But we also take away whatever is her favorite toy at that moment.  And we take it for an entire day.  Everytime she thinks about playing with that toy, she'll say, "I got my dressup (or whatever) taken away, right mommy?  Because I screamed at you (or whatever).  I will play with it tomorrow."  It seems to be sinking in.


Growing Up

Having a kid who is 3 is soooo much easier and more fun than having a baby.  THERE!  I said it!!  Babies are not my favorite thing.  I like them, but I don't want anymore.  I love the fact that Jayna sleeps all through the night, is potty trained and likes to be a part of whatever we're doing as a family.  She's even stopped taking naps (as of about a week ago), so we are much more free to go and do things on a whim without having to worry about being back home for nap.


In short, 3-year-olds are simultaneously much easier and much more difficult.  But all you parents out there already knew that.  I feel very fortunate to have a happy and healthy child who loves me dearly. :)

Monday Meets Morbid Epiphany

***This will be considered sensitive material to some of you.  Read at your own risk.***
I've never been afraid of dying.  And frankly, I've never understood those who are.  It's inevitable.  There is no way around it.  No way out of it.  It just...is.

People generally think that they are in control of their future.  Their destiny.  Their fate.  And while that may be true to some degree, none of us knoww when our time will come.  It could be tomorrow.  It could be 60 years from now. 

But tomorrow or 60 years from now, one thing remains in constant:  NONE OF US KNOW HOW LONG WE HAVE IN THIS LIFE.

Pretty deep, huh? 

Now, picture it:  Georgia Street, 2011.  August.  2011.  And a Monday to top it off.

I was sitting at my desk this morning typing and emailing and such.  All of a sudden, a weird feeling came over me.  I shook.  I held back tears.  I...don't know.  Something happened.

In an instant, I became eerily aware that someday, at some unknown time and place, I will cease to exist.

I will die.

I will no longer be here.  Anywhere.

Caput.  The end.

I would leave behind unfinished business.  Memories.  Probably some debt.  Many worldly possessions.  A family.  And a child.  A child who would hopefully be grown...maybe even with children of her own.

And what would be left?  I don't know.

And of all of this...there isn't a damn thing I can do about dying.  It WILL happen.

Folks...I was bowled over by my own mortality.  In the blink of an eye.

I was unsure of how to move forward.  I mean LITERALLY move forward.  I was frozen in my seat.  Afraid to move.  Terrified of dying.

There is no other experience in my life that I can compare to this experience.  A seemingly mundane Monday at work turning into a life-altering moment.  I hadn't a clue what to make of it.

By the time I composed myself, it was lunchtime.  Chris and I headed out to Mexican Monday.

I raised my concern to him.  And to my surprise, he knew exactly what I was talking about...except this apparently happens to him often, as he's always had fear surrounding death.

My next comment was, "This makes me think that something is wrong with me.  With my brain."

He replied, "Why?  I think most people are somewhat afraid of death even though it's inevitable.  You shouldn't wonder why you are too."

I then rephrased my concern.  "So...you've always been afraid of dying.  What would you think of yourself if, one day while just sitting at your desk, you just suddenly became completely okay with death?  How would you feel about that?"

That struck him.  He then knew the severity of this situation...atleast the severity in my mind.  I tend to want to analyze things that seem normal to most people simply because they aren't normal to me.  Even though MOST people are afraid of death, I was NOT until this morning.

And I'm TERRIFIED.

I'm terrified of my own mortality.

I asked Chris, "How do I feel better about this?  I don't want to be afraid to drive the car, play with the kid, etc."

His response was less than helpful. "I don't know.  I've never been okay with it.  You just live."

And while I agree with him, I don't agree with him.

I've been "just living" and I feel like I've cheated myself in some respects.  Here I am, doing the same thing and expecting different results.  THAT, my friends, is the definition of insanity.

I took this morbid epiphany as a call for motivation.  There are things.  Things in this life that I want.  That I want to do and to have and to experience.  And I won't be here forever.  Changes need to be made.

Time for change.  And a plan.  Change AND a plan AND "just living."  They CAN coexist.

I need a plan.  A REAL plan.  A LIFELONG plan.

I am constantly telling people to "make it count."

I can't control when I'll go, but I sure as HELL can make it count along the way.

Well, here I go, friends.  I'm going to make it count. 

Stay tuned for the Two Year Plan.  This should be interesting.