July 2011 Six Pix

Most of the time it's just entirely too difficult to choose ONLY 6 photos.  This was one of those months.  So here are my EIGHT photos for July Six Pix.

My little Jaynie's rainbow toes.  I just can't get enough of those chubby little feet.  So very cute.

 

One of MANY backyard pool parties.  We most definitely got our money's worth out of that pool.  It has sprayers all over the orange thing so you can play in the pool even as it's filling up.  Jayna spent many a hot, humid day in that pool.  And I even got in there a few times.

 

We watched Laura and Lee's dogs this month.  This is Lani...she watches television.  It is the most hilarious thing ever...especially if you turn on Animal Planet.

 

"Look mommy!!  I drew a centipede!!"  I then relayed to Jayna that I am deathly afraid of centipedes.  So, what did she do?  She took red chalk and drew a line by it's face.  She then said, "See mommy...now it has a mustache.  You CAN'T be afraid of a centipede with a mustache."

 

Jayna is in that splash of water.  She LOVES waterslides!!  Every week after swim lessons, the kids get a few times to go down the slide and Jayna gets back in line EVERY TIME to do it again. 

 

Two princesses having a worldly discussion...probably about politics.  Or Barbies.  Who can tell?  :)  Layla and Jayna play so well together.  It's nice since I'm sort of friends with Layla's parents. Ha.

 

Jayna and I resting after a LONG weekend in the sun.  See my face?  Yep...I'm fried.  Oh, and Jayna is wearing her stylish home-decorated eye patch.  Maybe she won't have to have surgery.  (Okay...she DID have surgery...6 months later.)

 

Chris helping Jayna at swim lessons.  She's such a trooper.  Look at that resolve on her face!!  She doesn't give up easily at anything...a good trait to possess. 

 

 

July was a busy month for us!  How about you?

June 2011 Six Pix

I'm behind.  And I should probably just start with 2012 at this point, but posterity prevails.

I have found over the years that Six Pix is a really good way to sum up a month.  Sort of a month in the life of our family.  And I'll continue to catch up on Six Pix.

Jayna and her friend Layla at Layla's house.  Those girls LOVE books and princess attire. 

 

Hanging out on the dock at Lake Freeman.

 

Playing in the lake.  She had so much fun even though she had to wear ear plugs.

 

That's one of my favorite friends, Erik, on his wedding day.  This picture is a classic example of why I should keep up with blogging instead of waiting more than a year later to post a photo.  We had a great time in Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge with Erik and Janette and Mark and Charlotte.  And my liver DEFINITELY needed a break after this vacation. :)

 

I started playing harmonica this year.  It's so much fun and I'm actually not too bad at it! Chris and I have spent countless nights out on the back patio playing guitar and harmonica and enjoying some good wine.

 

Those 2. :)  They are buddies.  And Ollie loves to steal some petting from Jayna in the backseat of the car.

 

 

What did YOU do in June of 2011? Ha.

 

Little Girls at the Museum

Back on December 16th of LAST year, we went to the Children's Museum with our dear friends Laura, Lee, Layla (3.5) and Levi (.5).

I'm JUST NOW getting around to blogging about it.  I've been....busy.  You know, doing stuff like going to museums and junk.

We went last year before Christmas too and mostly because PBS sucked Jayna into wanting to go on the Yule Slide.  And I'm telling you...that slide is as much fun for grown ups as it is wee ones.  We thought we'd load up again and go ride the slide again.  And it was awesome.

Last year was a little frustrating.  The girls were only 2 and while they were interested in some of the things (read:  BARBIES), they couldn't DO many of the things.  They were just a tad too small yet.  This year was SO much better.  If they were a little taller and could drive, they wouldn't have even needed us there.

There is a very cool new exhibit there also.  It's a National Geographic exhibit called "Treasures of the World" or something.  There is more interactivity in the one exhibit than there is in the whole rest of the museum.  I mean kids like to LOOK at things, sure.  But what they really want to do is DO things.  They want to touch things and throw things and play with things and wear things.  Especially the ones who can't read yet.  That exhibit is a good teaching tool even if the child is at the non-reading age.  The Barbie exhibit has things to do, but those are pretty much all things that little girls do at home.  And we all know that it's no fun doing things at places like a Children's Museum that you ALREADY do at home almost everyday.  How educational and/or fun is dressing a Barbie with rubber bands and pieces of fabric?  Notsomuch.  Just ask Layla and Jayna. 

As always, the girls had a delightful time together and played well.  No fighting.  No arguing.  No clinging to mommies.  I think they're used to each other now and they get along so well.  I hope Jayna has made a life long friend there. :)

And here's the proof that I'm not lying:

They're getting ready for a snowball fight in the Jolly Winter Days exhibit.  It was super intimidating for both of them.  Too many older kids acting like jackasses.

Lee and little Levi saying hello to Santa.

YULE SLIDE!!!!!!

GERONIMO!!!!

Fossil digging in the DynoSphere.  This picture reminds me of Bubba and Forrest.  "I'll lean against you and you lean right back against me.  That way we don't have to sleep with our heads in the mud."

More digging.  They spent about 30 minutes in there.

Dinosaur costumes!  They were so cute as little dinos.

This is part of the NatGeo exhibit.  You put all the pieces of a mummy's tomb together and then it lights up and makes big scary noises and shit.  Pretty cool.

Part of NatGeo.  Me being a scuba diver. :)

Tiny scuba divers!!  I can't take it! :)

Under the glass exhibit.  They laid there for all of 30 seconds.  Probably because much longer and they'd both have been asleep.

Hand holding in the Barbie exhibit.  Darling. :)

Playing Barbie stuff.

OWNING that Barbie runway.

Lee looks giant on that slide.  This picture is hilarious to me because of that.

Jayna wants that slide in our house.  We live in a ranch style house.  Go figure.

Playing with the huge snow globe.  Silly girls. :)



If you have kids, TAKE THEM TO THE NATGEO EXHIBIT!!  It is so much fun and education in one!  And if you do end up going, call us.  We'll meet ya there. :)

Monday Meets Morbid Epiphany

***This will be considered sensitive material to some of you.  Read at your own risk.***
I've never been afraid of dying.  And frankly, I've never understood those who are.  It's inevitable.  There is no way around it.  No way out of it.  It just...is.

People generally think that they are in control of their future.  Their destiny.  Their fate.  And while that may be true to some degree, none of us knoww when our time will come.  It could be tomorrow.  It could be 60 years from now. 

But tomorrow or 60 years from now, one thing remains in constant:  NONE OF US KNOW HOW LONG WE HAVE IN THIS LIFE.

Pretty deep, huh? 

Now, picture it:  Georgia Street, 2011.  August.  2011.  And a Monday to top it off.

I was sitting at my desk this morning typing and emailing and such.  All of a sudden, a weird feeling came over me.  I shook.  I held back tears.  I...don't know.  Something happened.

In an instant, I became eerily aware that someday, at some unknown time and place, I will cease to exist.

I will die.

I will no longer be here.  Anywhere.

Caput.  The end.

I would leave behind unfinished business.  Memories.  Probably some debt.  Many worldly possessions.  A family.  And a child.  A child who would hopefully be grown...maybe even with children of her own.

And what would be left?  I don't know.

And of all of this...there isn't a damn thing I can do about dying.  It WILL happen.

Folks...I was bowled over by my own mortality.  In the blink of an eye.

I was unsure of how to move forward.  I mean LITERALLY move forward.  I was frozen in my seat.  Afraid to move.  Terrified of dying.

There is no other experience in my life that I can compare to this experience.  A seemingly mundane Monday at work turning into a life-altering moment.  I hadn't a clue what to make of it.

By the time I composed myself, it was lunchtime.  Chris and I headed out to Mexican Monday.

I raised my concern to him.  And to my surprise, he knew exactly what I was talking about...except this apparently happens to him often, as he's always had fear surrounding death.

My next comment was, "This makes me think that something is wrong with me.  With my brain."

He replied, "Why?  I think most people are somewhat afraid of death even though it's inevitable.  You shouldn't wonder why you are too."

I then rephrased my concern.  "So...you've always been afraid of dying.  What would you think of yourself if, one day while just sitting at your desk, you just suddenly became completely okay with death?  How would you feel about that?"

That struck him.  He then knew the severity of this situation...atleast the severity in my mind.  I tend to want to analyze things that seem normal to most people simply because they aren't normal to me.  Even though MOST people are afraid of death, I was NOT until this morning.

And I'm TERRIFIED.

I'm terrified of my own mortality.

I asked Chris, "How do I feel better about this?  I don't want to be afraid to drive the car, play with the kid, etc."

His response was less than helpful. "I don't know.  I've never been okay with it.  You just live."

And while I agree with him, I don't agree with him.

I've been "just living" and I feel like I've cheated myself in some respects.  Here I am, doing the same thing and expecting different results.  THAT, my friends, is the definition of insanity.

I took this morbid epiphany as a call for motivation.  There are things.  Things in this life that I want.  That I want to do and to have and to experience.  And I won't be here forever.  Changes need to be made.

Time for change.  And a plan.  Change AND a plan AND "just living."  They CAN coexist.

I need a plan.  A REAL plan.  A LIFELONG plan.

I am constantly telling people to "make it count."

I can't control when I'll go, but I sure as HELL can make it count along the way.

Well, here I go, friends.  I'm going to make it count. 

Stay tuned for the Two Year Plan.  This should be interesting.

April 2011 Six Pix

Glorious April.  The end of snow.  Atleast for awhile.

April was fun.  We did some out-of-the-ordinary things.  Unexpected fun is the best kind.

Here are 9...not 6...photos of what we did:

We went to my friend's nephew's birthday party at Southeastway Park at the end of April.  In the favor bags were these mustaches.  That is my friend Maria and me with said mustaches on.  We wore them the entire time and Jayna thought it was hilarious.

It had rained for a solid 2 weeks before the above-mentioned birthday party.  The playground was full of mud.  One fall off the slide and this is what Jayna looked like.  She didn't care...she went straight back for more.

I got really brave one Saturday and decided that to celebrate Jayna being all the way potty trained, we'd take her to Chuck E. Cheese.  NEVER again.  We asked our friends Michelle and Sam to come, as well as Nana B, Anthony, Aunt Summer and Uncle Tony.  The kids had lots of fun.  The parents all went home and drank heavily.  That place is a nightmare.

This was Jayna's present from Nana for her awesome job with potty training.  The first time she drove it (the time of this photo), she wrecked it into our house and didn't ride it again until about a week ago.  Apparently wrecking your PowerWheel into the house is quite traumatizing.

Oh, Oliver.  He is UNDER his dog bed in this photo.  He slept like that for almost the entire night.  He's...special. :)

At Jockamo's Pizza.  Jayna put on my sunglasses, looked over at a guy at the next table and said, "Hey, doll!!"  That kid is hilarious.  And she reminds me of Jack Nicholson in this photo.

That is Jayna's school under there.  She sits under the bar part of out kitchen island and pretends she's at school.  Hey...as long as she's not destroying something, I don't care where her school is.

This is Jayna in preparation for the Royal Wedding.  Who knew that she'd be spot with British fashion with that stupid looking huge flower on top of her head.  Atleast she's still a kid and not a grown ass woman who looks like a moron with a giant bow on her head.  Y'all know who I'm talking about.

This is how I spent many an evening in April after Jayna went to bed.  Too bad it's a million degrees now and too hot for a guitar to even stay in tune.

The first 3 photos were taken with a camera.  The last 6 were taken with my iPhone and then through Instagram.

"When are you going to STOP calling it Six Pix, Danielle?!?  There are NEVER only six." 

I'll call it what I want.  And maybe next month there will be six. :)

What did YOU do in April?

The Mind of a 3-Year-Old

Three-year-olds really are a completely different breed of human.  It's quite fascinating, really.

Here's a short story that will relate to the point I'm trying to make:

As my last post denoted, Chris and I are currently building Jayna a new bed.  This was my idea.

My awesomely horribly delightful money-saving hair-pulling-out idea.  All in the name of giving Jayna what she wants for her birthday: a bed that's like a couch. 

Some people will tell me she's spoiled.  Go ahead.  Tell me.  And then go suck eggs. :)

Anyhoo, as I also denoted in my last post, this bed is a sort of mash up of 2 different bed plans that I found on Ana White's website.  Since it is a mash up of 2 beds, there are some alterations that have to be made to make this work.  I very haphazardly explained those alterations to Chris in hopes that he would just read my mind and figure out what I meant. 

After all...it all made sense in my head.  That's what matters, right?

Much to my chagrin, he had trouble reading my thoughts and figuring this out all on his own, so I had to vocalize...in terms that another person could understand...WHAT, exactly those alterations were and how they were to be executed in my final plan.  Yikes.

It took awhile.  That step probably took longer than every other step we've done combined.

In short, I sometimes am absolutely HORRIBLE at vocalizing what is going on in my brain. 

This brings me to this story about Jayna:

Jayna is at an age and developmental stage where she is what I would call "so emotional that it makes me want to stab my eyeballs out rather than talk her down from whatever emotion she's so into that she can't distinguish between fantasy and reality."  Got it?  If you have a 3-year-old girl, you've got it, alright.

Jayna loves those little black velvet posters.  You know, the ones that you color the white part and it looks like a picture, but all the negative space is black velvet?  She has atleast a dozen of those that she's colored.  They are only a buck at the craft store and they are one of her favorite crafts.  And one will keep her busy for about an hour.  That's my kind of craft.

Yesterday we got her 2 new ones...a castle and a mermaid.  She's had the castle one before, but she's forgotten.  She's had so many in between that she doesn't remember that she's coloring the same thing again.  And on top of that, I'm not sure she cares.  She just wants to use the "real markers" and color her picture.

After she colored one, she came to me and said, "Mommy, when I color both of my pictures, can I make them into a book?"  I told her, "Of course you can!  That's an awesome idea!  I'll help you and we'll write a story and put all the pages together like a book.  But I have to finish making the bed first."  She was instantly pleased with that and wanted to start right away.

She went to her room and started to gather things that she thought would help us make her book.  She gathered her Barrel of Monkeys game, Dr. Seuss' The Lorax book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar book (2 of her favorites), some of her play jewelry and some markers.

As she passed me in the hall, I asked her why she needed jewelry.  She replied, "Because it's a book about fairies, mommy."  I'm pretty sure she even rolled her eyes at me, but I can't be sure.

I finished making the bed and loaded the washer.  And to be honest, I got so caught up in the housework that I forgot I'd told her I'd help her.  I walked through the living room and saw her in the middle of the area rug making her book.

She had her Dr. Seuss book open and had all of her monkeys from the Barrel of Monkeys shoved in between the pages along with some of her play jewelry.  And she had an uncapped green marker in her hand.

I sort of freaked out.  Those books cost lots of money. 

The conversation went something like this:

Me:  Jayna...are you writing in your books??  We don't draw in our books!!!
Jayna:  I was writing a story, mommy.
Me:  We write stories on paper!  NOT in our good books!
Jayna:  I was pretending.  I made it like my 'vitations.
Me:  YOU DON'T WRITE IN YOUR BOOKS, JAYNA.  (very stern)
Jayna:  (bursts into tears while trying to tell me something) I...don't be mean at me, mommy.  Pretend...I was just....you said you help....I can't write a story by myself....pretending.....

The tears and the frustration and the trying to explain herself was just too much for her.

And writing in her good books was just too much for me...at the time.

I picked up the 2 books, dumping all the monkeys on the floor.  That caused more crying and frustration.

Jayna:  You broke it!!!  I made it like my 'vitations!!!!!  And you broke it, mommy!!  I mad to you!
Me:  Did you write in your books Jayna?  (while flipping through the books)
Jayna:  NO!  (while pointing at me and yelling) NO I DIDN'T!!!  WE DON'T WRITE IN BOOKS, MOMMY!!!  I PRETENDING TIL YOU ARE DONE!!!

I then scooped her up and we had a long cuddle session followed by a talk.  A talk about collecting your thoughts and putting them into coherent sentences.  And I learned a lesson.  If I would've just asked her first, "Jayna, did you write in your books?" without accusing her in the same sentence, she probably would've directly answered me.  Given the way I asked her with an accusation directly following, she felt the need to defend herself and then got flustered when I kept at her. 

Collect your thoughts, Danielle.  Seriously.  And put them into coherent sentences.

Here's what happened:

Jayna's birthday is next month.  I am making her invitations.  She is fascinated with the scrapbooking process of using jewels and shapes to make an invitation.  That was what the jewelry and monkeys were for...they were her "embellishments."  She was pretending to stick them to the pages to make invitations.  When I picked up the book, I ruined all of her "vitations."  And I am a horrible person.

Jayna knows that she can't write yet and she's quite sensitive about the matter.  She tries very hard to write her name.  She does a good job with a couple of letters, but she's just not there yet.  Hell, she's not even really 3 yet!!  But she still feels like she should be able to just WRITE.  She wants to write her name and she wants to write stories, dammit!!  Forget being little, she has something to say!!!

She was pretending to write in her book so that she could pretend that the story was hers.  All because I wasn't paying attention or helping her.

What was she trying to tell me? 

"I didn't write in my books, mom.  I was pretending to write in my book because YOU said you'd help me, but you TOO BUSY.  So there.  And then you picked up my book of invitations and ruined them ALL.  And you're getting mad at me?!?  Shouldn't I be mad at YOU?  I mean, you did ignore me and then ruin my work.  Seriously, lady.  Figure it out."

I'd like to say that I'm exaggerating there, as I always do, but I'm pretty sure those were her exact thoughts.

She is so sensitive.  Especially when she knows she's done nothing wrong.  She was especially hurt this time because I told her I'd help her and then I got busy.  She thought she was doing a very good thing and being a very good girl because she wasn't bothering me. 

And then I jumped her ass.

I hope she doesn't inherit this trait from me...this inability to organize and vocalize her thoughts.  To make people understand what she's saying, what she means, how she feels.

I suppose I am one of her biggest influences.  If she continues to see me do this, she will continue to do it.

Collect your thoughts.  And put them into coherent sentences.

On another note, this child's creativity is nuts.  Later last night, we did make our book and write a story.  She narrated and I wrote.  It's about a mermaid who lives in a castle named Rapunzel.  Look for it at a bookstore near you. :)

Motormouth Monday: Will she ever shut up?!?

I used to live for blogging.  It must be the writer in me.  Now I seem to just blog about living.  It seems I'm always just doing a bulleted list of updates or I only blog when something extreme happens...you know, extremely frustrating, extremely funny or extremely interesting.
But there are those times when I just write because I haven't written for awhile.  Most of the time, those end up being the my favorite posts. 

Sometimes I write about milestones.  Like learning to walk, learning to jump, learning to potty on the potty.  Learning to curse. 

Yep.  You read it right.  Learning to curse.  That's a fairly new one.  Jayna likes to insert "hell" into her sentences.  Like last week when she couldn't find her bracelet and asked rhetorically, "Where the hell did I put my bracelet?" 

I want to laugh and scold at the same time.  My theory on children cursing (opinion formulated from experience) is that the more attention I give said cursing, the more she'll do it.  Of course at this point she only does this at home.  I may change my mind when she screams out the F bomb in the middle of the mall.  We do NOT curse at our house when Jayna is there.  If we do, it's a very intense situation and we apologize for using curse words.  I also make her apologize for cursing, but I don't put her in time out or scold her heavily.  I just say, "That's a no-no word.  Say you're sorry and don't say it anymore."

She was bound to learn.  That's just how the world works.

Our most recent milestone is what I'd like to refer to as the "motormouth" milestone. 

That kid NEVER shuts up.  Seriously.

Here is one of her rants from this morning:

Me:  Jayna, it's time to brush your teeth and put up your hair.
Jayna:  Okay, mommy.  After I brush my teeth and get my hair in a bow, can I play in my room?  I think I wanna play doll house.  Or maybe read my fairy book.  But first I brush my teeth.  Can you not set the timer today, mommy?  You can just tell me when it's time to go instead of setting the timer.  I won't throw a fit.  MOMMY!!!  I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!  LOOK...IT MATCHES MY DRESS!!!!!  THEY'RE BOTH BLUE!  I wanna play doll house.  I love you, mommy.  Can I wear flip flops today?  But if it's raining I'll have to wear a jacket.

Oh. My. Lord. 

If I ran all that together without spaces, it would be a way better illustration of how this kid works.  She does NOT stop talking.  She doesn't even give me a chance to answer her questions.

We were 10 minutes late to school this morning due to the fact that she wouldn't stop talking and asking questions and GET IN THE FREAKIN' CAR. 

Here is that rant (as we were walking out the door):

Me:  Let's get in the car, Jaynie.  It's time to go.
Jayna:  Mommy!!  It's raining!!  LOOK!!!  The flowers are growing!  Is it raining because the flowers are growing?  Noooooo, mommy.  That's silly.  The flowers are growing because they got rained on.  Those are growing too!!  LOOOOOK MOMMY!!!!  ALL the flowers are growing!!  And the grass.  Is that bird growing, mommy?  My flip flops will get wet if I walk in the grass.  I will go the long way around the car so my flip flops stay dry.  Can I take my bracelet into school?  No, I will just leave it in the car and get it after school.  Can I watch George after school?  MOMMY!!!  We're going to the grocery after school.  Are we going to the grocery after school?  Is daddy going? Can we...
Me:  GET IN THE CAR.  WE'RE LATE!!!

After I typed that, I sighed very heavily.  And that about sums it up. 

I LOVE that she's observing the world around her and correcting her own logic mistakes and using her curiosity and rationale and answering her own questions.  I absolutely love it. 

You know what else I'd love?  If she'd learn to multi-task.  As in talk while walking to the car instead of STANDING STILL UNTIL I HAVE TO CUT HER OFF AND DRAG HER THERE.

It's like when a dog gets on a scent trail.  Nothing matters except that trail.  That's Jayna with her little rants.  And unlike when she just asks me a single question and will continue asking the question OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN until I answer her (even if it's only a couple of seconds delay), she doesn't care if her questions are answered when she gets on one of these rants.

It's actually quite hilarious.

When I don't have anywhere to be, I just let her go.  I don't urge her to do other things or answer her questions myself.  I love just listening to where her mind takes her.  I call it "embracing her creativity." 

I kind of want her to stay this age.  For a LONG time.  I will really miss 3 years old.

Diary of a First-Time Mini Marathoner: Part I, The Emotions

It feels weird to call myself a "Mini Marathoner."  Strange.  I didn't think I could ever actually do it.

I attempted to sit down with my iPhone on Saturday afternoon and write a blog post about my experience.  And then it occurred to me that I couldn't even put together a coherent sentence. 

I also couldn't stop shaking enough to actually use a touch screen phone, but we'll look past that.

I'll go through the process as I went through it:

On Thursday night, Jayna came down with something.  She was running a fever of around 102 degrees.  She was fussy.  She wasn't eating.  And she went to sleep on the couch at 6:45pm. THAT, my friends, is unheard of.

So...what do I do now??  I've paid quite a bit of money to run a race on Saturday and here it is, THURSDAY, and my kid is sick.  My hope was that it was some sort of 24 hour bug.  Notsomuch.

She woke up a few times in the night and still had a fever in the morning.  Chris stayed home with her on Friday and ended up taking her to the doctor in the afternoon.  She tested weak positive for strep.  Greeeeaaaatttt.

What now?  Which one of us stays home with her??  I've obviously had a much more difficult time training for this, so I should stay home.  Chris had a shot of running a sub-2 hour race.  I didn't.  But this was sort of MY thing. I WANTED to finish.  But...there was NO way I was going to go downtown ALONE and park and walk to the race and run and finish and then walk back to the car and drive home.  NO. FREAKIN. WAY. 

It then crossed my mind that neither of us should go.  That way there was no guilt either way.  But that was stupid!!  I asked my mom if she minded keeping Jayna overnight regardless of the strep issue and she agreed.  So Jayna stayed with my mom and we were both going to run.

I spent my Friday night distracted by baking cupcakes.  I wanted it that way.  I didn't want to think about it.

I got up at 5am.  I ate breakfast.  I drank some milk.  And off we went.  We got downtown at around 6:15am.  There were already soooo many people there!  When I saw the corrals and the start line, my stomach dropped.  Port-o-lets were the greatest invention ever at that moment. :)

Chris and I had to split up around 7:15am.  I ran into a friend from high school, Jodi, who was in my corral.  We talked for a few minutes and that kept my mind busy.  And then more and more and MORE people piled into the corral.  Hi, agoraphobia!!  Fancy meeting you here!!

I kept my wits about me and eventually crossed the start line at 23 minutes into the race.  I stuck to my plan of 10 running minutes and 5 walking minutes.  There were many musical and dancing acts along the way, as well as an unbridled number of supporters.  It was truly overwhelming to see that much support from all different sorts of people who didn't even know me!!  At a couple of points, it became very emotional.

I stuck to my run/walk plan straight through mile 6. After the 6 mile marker, it hit me.  I was fatigued.  I was in some pain.  My muscles were tight.  And I had to pee like NO other.  I stopped at the bathrooms inside the track and hurriedly went and came back out onto the course.  Morale began to take a nose dive.

The track portion of the race was...horrifying.  The scenery doesn't change.  The asphalt is hard and seemingly more unforgiving than the street (even though I'm sure that isn't the case).  People are everywhere and won't get out of the way.  It began to rain.  Frustration and irritation were prevalent.  At one walking point around mile 8 inside the track, a man began talking to me:

Him:  Is it getting to you, sweetie?
Me:  Yep.  I'm tired.  I don't think I'll be able to finish.
Him:  Listen.  I'm 65.  This is my first Mini.  And I'm going to finish dammit! 
Me:  Good!  Good luck to you!
Him:  No...listen.  I'm 65.  I have a blister on my foot the size of Rhode Island right now.  How about you?
Me:  I don't know.  I can't feel my feet.  I could have a blister the size of.....
Him:  Texas? 
Me:  Yeah, thanks.  I apparently can no longer form...words?
Him:  Sentences, you mean?  The words seem to be coming out.
Me:  Sure.  Whatever.  It's all the same, right??
Him:  Not really.  Well, I'm 65 and I'm going to finish.  I saw you running earlier, but I'm only walking.  If I can finish so can you.  So...keep going.  AND DON'T LET ME BEAT YOU!!!  Now go run some more!!
Me:  Okay, sir.

He caught up with me again around mile 9, but I stayed ahead of him the rest of the race.  And I did beat him, but probably not by much.  I wish I knew his name. :)

At mile 9, I began talking to myself.  At mile 10, I cried.  At mile 11, I had to look down at my feet to make sure they were still there.  At mile 12, I cried again, but because I only had 1 more mile.

And when I crossed the finish line, I had to fight my emotions with everything I had to NOT cry.  I wanted to atleast get through all of those wonderful people who gave me my medal, a bottle of water, a banana, a granola bar, a cookie and some Gatorade.  I love those people like they are my own family.  Seriously.

I really wanted to just skip all of that.  I just wanted to go cry on Chris' shoulder.  I just wanted to see Chris.  I just wanted to see ONE FREAKING FAMILIAR FACE.  One constant and caring individual.

When he was in my sights, I totally lost control of my emotions.  I cried like a baby and I didn't care who knew.  There were so many things going through my head.

Those of you who know me know all the things that I've endured to get here...including, but not limited to a full body rash, extreme stress and anxiety, a toddler that I just want to do right by, a near-neglected family and household, the death of my dear Morgan, and the life of my dog Oliver who has suffered nearly as much as me through Moe's death.  When Morgan got sick at the end, I said, "I'll run this race for him.  He can't do it anymore, so I'll do it for him."  When he died, that became 125% more important.  And I did it.  I've had an incredibly difficult time with closure regarding Moe's death.  This experience has helped me turn a page in that chapter.  It's definitely not over, but it's progressing.

I don't think that there is one pinpointed reason that I cried.  I cried because I finished and didn't have to run anymore.  I cried because I FINISHED!!  I cried because I was in pain.  I cried because there were so many people around me.  I cried because there were so many people rooting for me and I didn't let them down.  I cried because I finished regardless of the naysayers.  I cried because I remembered my promise to Morgan.  I cried because I could now go pick up my sick kid from my mom. 

And I cried because I felt like a different person.  A better person.  A more confident person.  A person who finishes what she starts no matter how tough things get.

I would like to say a sincere Thank You to all of you who believed that I could do this...because I certainly didn't believe that at several points throughout this journey.  You guys helped me through lots of hard times.  And for that, I thank you.

Also, a HUGE Thank You to all of my running friends who provided advice, training and cheering.  Zac, The Quags, KT, Chris.  You guys were the glue that held me together.  I hadn't a clue where to start or end and you guys helped me more than you'll ever know. :)

I will pick up running again in about a month.  There are things that have needed my attention since January and it's time to address them.  Some painting.  Some baking.  Some harmonica.  A toddler.  A household.  And most of all...MY MIND NEEDS A BREAK.  Even my half-assed training routine was more than difficult.  I can't imagine for those of you who ran well and trained twice as much as me.  When I begin running again, it will be on a very light level.  I will see where that takes me and in October/November, I'll revisit whether or not I want to run another Mini.  If I decide not to, I'm okay.  And if I decide to do it, I'll be great.

***Note for those of you who care about stats:  My official time was 3:32:24.  I paced a 16:13 mile.  At mile 10, I was at 2:32:51.  It took me an HOUR to go the last 3 miles. I've taken a mental note.***

Mishmash Monday: Updates Out the Wahzoo

I don't know if that's how you spell "wahzoo."  I'm sure it isn't and that someone will correct me.  I'm sure of it.

I'm also not sure if "mishmash" is one word or two words.  I'm sure the same person who knows about "wahzoo" knows.  So they'll be able to kill two birds with on stone.

TEN DAYS.  That's how long it's been since I've blogged.  A long ass time. 

And to be honest, it's been because I just haven't felt like doing it.  Yes...I've been busy.  Yes...I've been preoccupied.  And yes...I've been busy.  Wait...did I....nevermind.  I don't really know what's going on. 

I have lots of things to say from the past 10 days.  Most of them probably deserve their own posts.  But not all of them will get that.  I'll do a Jayna post tonight or tomorrow because my kid is the most awesome kid I know and she always deserves her own posts (hell, at this point, she could probably narrate them for me to type.  She's a smart and sassy kid.).  But all the rest of this shiz is going in a bulleted list.  That's just my style.

• Interesting...I pushed the "bullet list" button up at the top of my blog post page and I suddenly forgot what I wanted to put in my bulleted list.  It's as if the pressing of the "bullet" button erased my memory.  Like in Men In Black.  I always thought it would be really helpful to have a neuralizer.  When I say something stupid, I could just pull out the thing and "flashy thingy" someone.  I'd be using that thing atleast 3 times a day.
• I planted some things about...well...10 days ago.  A tomato plant, a raspberry bush, some orchid gladiola bulbs and some other flower seeds I had lying around.  I only plant things in pots, so I don't have to wait as long as if I were going to plant them in the ground.  I grow tomatoes every year.  I asked Jayna what she wanted to grow this year and she said, "I grow berries mommy.  Blueberries, strawberries, blackberries and raspberries."  I urged her to pick just one.  She settled on raspberries and I bought one of those "in the box"-looks like just a dead stick-probably won't grow raspberry bushes.  Hey...it was 5 bucks with 20% off.  It was worth a shot.  I was pretty certain when I planted it (in a giant pot for now) that it was completely dead and wouldn't grow.  After 10 days it looks MORE dead.  I wasn't even sure that was possible.  I don't have a particularly green thumb, but I can grow things and keep them alive for long periods of time.  This plant has had water and sun and lives on my back patio safe from the "wild."  All the other plants are atleast doing SOMETHING.  The raspberry...notsomuch.  So this weekend I bit the bullet and bought a live-from-the-nursery-already-green-and-growing raspberry bush.  Jayna asks me atleast once a week if the bush has raspberries yet that she can eat.  If I don't grow something that produces ATLEAST one raspberry that the kid can eat by the end of summer, I'm in major trouble.  Here's hoping the new raspberry bush grows quickly.
• Chris' band, Call Me Elmer, (like them on Facebook, please!!!!!) has their first paying gig on my birthday.  It's at the Columbus Moose Lodge.  I am excited for them!  They are very quickly and surely learning and perfecting 4 hours worth of songs to play.  Wish them luck if you see them on Facebook!
• I've changed my running routine and it's going smoothly.  Before a couple of weeks ago, I'd start running and just keep running until I almost passed out.  I'd stop to walk and I'd feel defeated...mostly because I felt like I wouldn't be able to start running again and run for any amount of time.  I'd run for about 15 minutes and then stop and walk.  I'd start running again after around 5 minutes of walking.  But I'd only be able to run for around 8 minutes before I'd have to stop and walk again.  I now run 10 minutes and walk 5 minutes.  Even if I'm not tired, I keep up that pattern.  I don't get so tired so quickly and my breathing stays constant.  If I keep up the pace and routine that I'm doing now, I'm set to finish the mini in around 3 hours...probably around 3 hours 15 minutes.  And if it takes me longer...who cares!?!  That probably sounds like a very long time to some of you, but keep in mind that 3 weeks ago I was contemplating not running it.  I was scared to death that I wouldn't finish.  The tweaking that I've done with the running is working wonders for my confidence and is very encouraging.  I even want to run more after the mini!!!
• Easter was fun this year.  Jayna is getting older and is finally catching on to the traditions of the holidays.  She had a great time finding Easter eggs at Nana M's house.  She got a lightning bug house from Nana B and she won't stop asking if we can go outside and catch some. :)
• If it doesn't stop raining soon, I'm going postal.  Thath is all.
• I am excited to begin helping lots of friends with their kids' birthday cakes/cupcakes.  I really love making and decorating cupcakes and it is awesome that I have friends who trust me and will let me help them make their kids' birthdays just a little more special...without breaking the bank!!  I do all my work for free.  That's what friends are for. :)

What have y'all been up to??

A Weekend With Jayna

My kid was a regular comedian this weekend.  I don't know where she comes up with this stuff.  Some of it's funny just based on the fact that she's 2.  The rest?  I haven't a clue.

On Saturday, we took her to her preschool teacher, Megan's, wedding.  There were lots of candles at the altar.  She asked me, "Mommy, can I light a candle?"  I said, "No, they're already lit.  Maybe we could go up and see them at the end."  She was satisfied with that.  And let it be known that we've never let Jayna light a candle.  I'm not sure why she even asked.

When the mothers went up to light the side candles for the unity candle, I told Jayna what was happening.  She said, "You said they were already lighted.  Oops!!  They missed 2 candles.  OH NO!!  The mommies missed the big one in the middle!!!" She was of course talking about the unity candle. 

I explained to her that Megan and Logan would light that one after they said their wedding vows and exchanged rings.  When that time came, she turned to me and said, "That a BIG candle.  They have to light it all together cause it's soooo BIG!"

Later that evening we went to get pizza.  Jayna spent the entire evening at the restaurant eavesdropping on the table next to us.  She'd be minding her business and someone from the other table would say something in a loud voice and she'd repeat what she heard even louder.  One time we heard a lady say, "And it took 8 hours!!"  Jayna turns to me and says, "EIGHT HOURS MOMMY!!!  That's a long time."  She did that 3 or 4 times.

When she got bored with the eavesdropping, she took my sunglasses and put them on.  Our waiter walked over to give us our bill.  She looked at him with those huge sunglasses on and said, "Hey doll!"  Hilarious.  I told her it was hilarious and after that, everything was "larious."

She was playing with Chris' iPhone on the way home...an app that she calls "Bubble John."  It's actually the talking bacteria app.  She was just saying random words so the "bubble johns" would repeat them.  "Apple.  Raspberry.  Bed.  Shoe.  Fingernail polish.  HAHA!!  THAT'S LARIOUS, DADDY!"

On Sunday it got really warm in our house.  I was fighting turning on the AC because...hello...it's only mid April.  When I put Jayna down for her nap, I told her that she should wear tank top and shorts pajamas.  She insisted on a full length, long sleeved night gown.  It was 75 degrees in our house, but I didn't argue with her.  I left her room and turned on the monitor in the living room.  About 10 minutes after I left her room, I heard her say, "I'm hot!  I'M HOT!!!!"  And then there was silence.  Then I heard, "I'M STILL HOT.  I TOOK OFF MY JAMMIES!!!"  Whatever, kid.

After her nap, we were playing with Play Doh.  She looked at me seemingly out of the blue and said, "Mommy, when I grow up I'm gonna sing and stuff."  I replied, "Oh...you want to be a singer when you grow up?  Very cool!!"  She said, "No mommy.  I gonna cut people's hair when I grow up.  But I gonna sing when I do it."  A singing hairdresser.  I think my kid just made up a new profession.

She definitely kept the laughs coming this weekend.  I hope she keeps it up. :)

Mulligan Monday: Chuck E. Cheese & Teenagers on Bikes

I need a day to recuperate from my weekend.  Some really strange things happened.

For some strange reason unbeknownst to myself or anyone who knows me, I thought it would be a good idea to take Jayna to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate her potty training feat. 

When I got up on Saturday, I was determined to make it a good day, but to not put too much pressure or too many expectations on the day.  So I did what I always do on Saturday:  I cleaned.  I cleaned the house, cleaned the couch and bathed the stank-ass dog.  I was feeling good!! 

Doing productive things is good for the soul, you know.

I ran out of time when I got to the half bath, so I just left the cleaner in there. It should be said that I make my own household cleaners from things such as Borax, vinegar and water. The bottle is clearly marked, but it looks just like the one I use to spray my hair with water. (And those of you who know me well will certainly see where this is going.)

While Jayna was napping, I got dressed and did the hair/makeup thing.  I did NOT shower...why would I waste that time before going to a germ-infested kid's place?  I needed my hair to curl up a bit, so I reached for the water bottle.  On the second spray, I realized that I was spraying cleaner in my hair.  Good thing there was no bleach in there. 

I should've just stayed home after that happened.

We had planned to take along my friend, Michelle and her little guy Sam (who Jayna adores), my mom and my brother and his family that consisted of my 8-year-old nephew, my sister-in-law, her nephew Dillon and my Brother.  In all, we had 4 kids and 6 adults.  And even though the kids were complete angels, we probably could've used a couple more adults.  We had a group of 10 people.  The only tables that would hold more than 4 people were all reserved for parties.  There were no 2 tables together.  Luckily, the place began to clear out about an hour after we got there, so we were able to all sit together.

The place was a nightmare.  I've never seen that many people in one place with such a few number of staff.  All the games were out of tickets.  All the ticket redemption machines were full of tickets.  Michelle and I stood in line for no less than 20 minutes to spend WAY too much money on pizza. 

I can't believe how many parents out there think that Chuck E. Cheese is a place where children can run free and climb on everything and steal things off of tables and do things they aren't allowed to do at home or at any other civilized place on earth.  I'm not sure I'll ever go back to that place.

All in all, everything went well.  I only had to excuse myself one time to go outside and catch my breath.  And I'm super glad that the kids had fun.

Jayna was a nightmare when we got home, so straight to bath and bed it was.  She woke up Sunday morning a new little girl. 

Sunday was a good day until around 2:30pm.

I was at my mom's all morning, so I didn't get to run until 2:15 or so.  I didn't have enough time to drive to a park or the gym to run due to another dinner obligation, so I decided to brave the brutal wind and run in my neighborhood.  FAIL.

I was about a half mile into the run when I saw a group of teenage boys ahead...2 on bikes and the others just standing on the sidewalk.  My initial thought was, "Oh boy...here we go."  But I just kept running.  And then they noticed me.

I ran off of the sidewalk and into the street to go around them.  I was still a ways away from them at that point.  One of the boys on a bike, probably a 15-year-old kid, decided it would be a good idea to ride down the street to me and circle me while I was running.  He also would ride directly at me and swerve just before he hit me.  Then came the tight S pattern literally 2 feet in front of me.  By this time his friends were even telling him that he should leave me alone.  He ignored them.  I had on sunglasses so he couldn't see my expressions.  That seemed to work in my favor...because I was getting a little scared.  I'm glad that he couldn't see that.  I simply said, "I'm not sure this is a good idea, dude."  He mocked me a little, rode one circle around me and then SLAMMED ON HIS BREAKS directly in front of me.  He then immediately turned to circle me again.

I felt seemingly ALL of my blood rush to my ears.  When I get pissed, my ears turn blood red. 

I had no other option than to extend my foot and kick his bike.  I hit the frame hard and right under the seat.  Karma was on my side at that moment.

It caused his bike to fall over in front of me.  He fell directly to the ground and winced as if he were going to burst into tears.

As I jumped over his front tire to continue running, I said, "Sounds like you should've listened to your friends."

I ran the fastest mile of my life after that.  I'm not sure if it was because I was afraid of backlash or if I was proud of myself, but the adrenaline was pumping after that.  Had I not been slightly freaked out to make the lap again, I probably could've run atleast 3 more 10 minute miles.  Probably not, but a girl can dream. :)

I'm still waiting for a parent or the cops to show up at my house.  I'm claiming self defense, if not sexual harrassment.  He wouldn't have done that to a guy.  That kid was bigger than me (not by much, but still) and was literally inches from me on several occasions. 

That's what I get for running in the neighborhood when the teenagers are out.

What did y'all do this weekend?

Mulligan Monday: Running Blah Blah Blah

I have a message for my running friends and/or supporters.  I'm not really sure how to approach this. 

Okay...I've mulled it over. 

STOP LETTING ME OFF THE HOOK FOR SKIPPING RUNS.

Seriously.

The running itself is not causing me anxiety.  The running itself is GOOD for me!! 

I'm the one to blame for the anxiety.  Not you.  Not the running. 

So, here's the deal....I'll stop being so hard on myself.  And in return, you all will start badgering me about running again. 

I need this, people.  I just need a little kick in the ass to get back on track.  When I get over the hump I may not need as much coaching/encouragement/etc.  But for now, I need y'all.

Help.  I just need a little help.

Melancholy Monday: Me

I've realized that I don't just write directly about myself very often.  I write about things I do and about my kid and my dogs and my husband and other things, but I don't write just about me.  As in, "Hey there!!  How ya doin, kid??"  And then I'd answer. 

Probably because I don't *like* to answer that question.  My default answer would be, "I'm okay."  And that makes for a pretty boring blog entry.

I've debated since last Thursday as to whether I'd even write this entry.  And then as I was lying awake last night, a very profound and important answer came to me...."Whatever."

Yes, you read that right.  I said, "Whatever."  That was it.  I asked myself a question and the answer I received back was, "Whatever."  And at 3:30am, it seemed very profound.

So apparently I'm okay with writing about this now.

I supposed I just needed 3 or 4 days to process everything. 

And it is highly likely that I'm making this a bigger deal than it is.  Which is, in turn, probably why I've typed 2 dozen sentences and y'all don't even know what I'm talking about yet.

Last Thursday I had my annual doctor visit with my women's health doctor.  No, not JUST the lady doctor...she does way more than that.  She is by far the best and most attentive doctor I've ever had. 

To catch you up, there are a few things you should know.  I have a rash all over my whole body.  I've written about this before, but not to a great degree.  It started about a week after I began running (which is why it's always been attributed to sweat/heat).  It doesn't itch.  It doesn't burn.  It was sort of misdiagnosed by a nurse practitioner as either heat or sweat (prickly heat) rash.  I'd been applying hydrocortisone cream and water-based lotion to no avail.  The stupid rash kept spreading and was getting WAY worse. 

When the assistant at the doctor's office took my blood pressure and asked me a jillion questions that didn't even really seem to pertain to my health, she also asked me if I had any additional questions/concerns for the doctor.  And I mentioned the rash.  The doctor was going to see it anyway.

She looked at it and was immediately afraid to touch me after that.  Good grief.  Anyhoo, she said she'd write it down...and write it down she did.

So the doc comes in and asks me immediately, "So what is this rash??"  I showed her and she actually became concerned.  I then told her the story that I wrote above.  She looked up a few things in a book and said, "Have you been dealing with a great deal of stress or anxiety?"  Huh.

I referenced the fact that I was trying to run 13 miles.  She laughed.  "Oh you...you can't train from nothing to run 13 miles in only 5 months.  Really."  And then she asked me 20 other questions like if I'd changed my laundry detergent or body soap.  Nope.  Haven't changed a thing.

So then she says, "Why are you shaking your foot? Are you nervous about being here?  I don't remember you ever being nervous here."  I was NOT, in fact, nervous.  I LOVE my doctor and I have never been afraid of doctors.  Not even "that doctor." 

She then said, "You're also picking at your fingernails."  That didn't surprise me.  If you know me, you know that I was an avid nail biter until around 4 years ago.  Now I occasionally just pick at my cuticles.  Classy, I know.

Then we talk about the running a little more and, seemingly out of the blue, she says, "I'm going to go get an anxiety questionaire.  I think that's a good place to start."  Oh dear.

She asked me loads of questions.  She then asked, "Have you lost a loved one?  Someone close to you?"  I replied with, "I lost my best friend.  My dog Morgan."

HOLY SHIT!!!  Where the hell did that come from??  I didn't even tell myself to say that.  Seriously.  And then I started crying right there in the room with the doctor watching me and telling me that it would be okay.  Geez. 

I was pretty sure that I had turned a corner last month sometime.  Apparently I turned right when I should've turned left.

I really didn't know that that situation was still bothering me that much. 

She then may or may not have mentioned to me that I had talked about running like it was a job and not a hobby or goal.  Ugh.  And that I was kidding myself if I thought I'd be able to run the entire mini.  While deep down I know she's right, it's really difficult to HEAR things like that.

I told her that I'd had a couple of bad days here and there, but overall I thought I was okay.  She asked me to explain my worst day.  After talking about that day, she said, "You know, it sounds like you were on the edge of a panic attack."  Woah.

She then diagnosed my rash as something that was 5 words long, had only 2 vowels, and was almost unable to be pronounced.  And she said, "This rash, like most, is HIGHLY exacerbated by stress and anxiety.  I've not seen it to this degree."  Oh.

So she took some blood, or a LOT of it, and told me she'd also test me for a battery of things in case the anxiety and rash were part of a bigger problem.  After 9 tubes, I got a little antsy.  What was she testing me for??

I never did get a straight answer on that as the phlebotomist wasn't at liberty to answer my questions.  My doctor just kept telling me, "When I see you again in 3 months, you'll be a brand new person.  I just KNOW it!!"

Two prescriptions for the rash and an anxiety med that I can take only if I feel I need it.  I'm okay with all of that.

I've never had problems with stress or anxiety to the degree that a doctor noticed.  My doctor also did not pressure me to take anti-depressants or anxiety meds.  She said it was only one of many options and gave me the run-down on what she thought would help.  First and foremost...I should reduce the amount of self-imposed stress. 

I struggled with that a first, as it basically means that I have to stop with running goals that are, at this time, out of my reach.  I've since re-evaluated my life, my limits (time and physical) and my sanity.  They're all sort of in the crapper right now.  So a re-evaluation was needed. 

My life right now will NOT allow me to train hard enough to run the bulk of the mini.  I have a family and a job and shit to do.  Seriously.  My time limits are being tested on a daily basis as I struggle with making time to go to the gym or run outside.  My physical limits are being tested on account of the fact that I went from pretty much NO exercised to a WHOLE BUNCH of it.  My right knee is currently in a compression brace to stop the ache.  And these days it seems that I LIVE on the edge of sanity.  Which means insanity is right over the line I'm toeing. 

I can't keep up with myself.  It's so much more than frustrating that I can't even put it into words. 

I NEVER want running to become a chore.  I LOVE it and I want to continue doing it for a LOT of years.  I want to run mini-marathons and 5Ks and such and have fun.  And be healthy.  I don't want to be a ball of anxiety that forces herself to go to the gym for the sake of being there.  That's not how I do. 

Where does this leave me?

No more running stress.  More realistic goals.  Less worrying if I don't exactly reach those goals. 

I've now committed myself to 3 training days a week.  I'll do 2 weekdays and one weekend day.  I'll do short runs on the weekdays and a long run on the weekend.  That's what I can do at this point.  Time with my growing child who will NOT be a toddler forever is WAY more important to me than a stupid race.

My short(er) term goal is to run 6.5 miles of the mini.  That's around half.  If I do that all at once...awesome.  If I do 2 or 3 shorter runs...awesome. 

Long term goal?  What is THAT???  :)  Long term goal is to run the 2012 mini and....run THE WHOLE THING.  Seriously.  Y'all just watch. 

In regards to Morgan...time.  And hugs.  If you see me, it's highly likely that I'll need a hug.  If I cry, don't feel bad.  I'm just crying tears of joy that I have good friends and family who allow me to be crazy but then help bring me back to earth.  And don't judge me the whole time. :)

I love you all.

Progress Report: Days 9 & 10

Today marks 8 days that I haven't been to the gym.  And my jiggly behind will definitely be there today.

I could go into all the lame excuses and legitimate reasons that I haven't been anywhere near a treadmill in 8 days, but I'm sure y'all have gathered what's been going on in my life by now, so I'll spare you. 

Day 9/January 26th was awesome.  Basics:  32 minutes, 2.28 miles.  Ran 1.75 miles, walked the rest.  Ran 4.6-4.7 mph, walked 3.2-3.5 mph.  My longest stretch was a mile in 13.06 again. YAY!!!!  It is refreshing knowing that my first time running a mile wasn't just beginners luck or something.  It isn't out of my realm of possibility to run a mile.  That's a great feeling for me.  It did seem a little more difficult this time.  I didn't seem to hit a plateau as quickly and I became a little lightheaded at one time.  Overall a success.

Day 10/January 29th was a little more productive.  I have found that I seem to be a little (read:  ALOT) more focused on weekend gym days than I do after work.  Basics:  36 minutes, 2.5 miles.  Ran 2 miles, walked the rest.  Ran 4.6 mph, walked 3.2-3.5 mph.  My longest stretch was 1.2 miles.  Aaaaand..........MORE PROGRESS!!!  Days like this one **almost** make missing a week worth it.  I ran for a complete and continuous 15 minutes.  At the beginning of all of this, I really believed that to be impossible.  I felt on top of the world after this run and discovered that I just have to fight through the "ugh time."  Once I get past that quarter mile or so, I'm good.

And today we'll see how much of my progress I've lost due to...well, missing a week.  I can guarantee that another week will NOT pass without me seeing the gym/sidewalk.  I won't half ass this mini. :)

Progress Report: Day 7 and Goals for Next Week

Last week was a week of successes and failures.  And while the successes should mean more than the failures, they don't just yet.  I shouldn't be failing this early in the game.

First up is Day 7 which was Friday 1/21.  Yep...no gym alllllll weekend.  A flood and laziness interfered with that...

Anyhooters, the basics:  32 minutes, 2.2 miles.  Walk 3.2-3.5 mph, run 4.6 mph.  (I increased my run speed a tenth of a mile because 4.5 seems too slow now.  I know it isn't much, but it's atleast the right direction.)  My run total was 1.4 miles (yeah...ONE EFFING TENTH of a mile from the goal.) and walked the rest.  Longest stretch was .75 miles and right at 9 continuous minutes.

Feelings:  Friday was a day filled with anger and emotions.  I fell apart that afternoon for some known and some unknown reasons.  I was mad and anxious when I got there to run and I didn't want to be there.  I've been told that someday I'll learn to channel the emotions into the running, but that isn't happening yet.  I did meet a goal, but that's because I was determined to overcome the funk.  So maybe I DID channel the emotions.  Who the hell knows?!?

My goals for last week were simple:

• Go to gym 4 times for 30+ minutes.   FAIL
• Run .75 miles continuously.  SUCCESS
• Run 1.5 miles of the 2 mile runs.  CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR.

Lesson #1:  If I expect myself to go to the gym AFTER I pick up Jayna, go home and get some things done, then I can pretty much just call that a fail.  It is far too difficult to go throughout the week after I've already been home.  There is too much of the day-to-day to deal with. 

Lesson #2:  Skipping the weekends is NOT AN OPTION.  I really need to make use of Jayna's naptime and get up off it.  Seriously.

Lesson #3:  Running 1.4 miles out of 1.5 hurts more than NOT RUNNING AT ALL.  I mean an emotional type of hurt.  Had I just gotten off my ass and WENT, I most likely would have met 2 of my 3 goals.

***Shaking it off.***

Okay, let's get on to next week's goals:

• Go to gym 4 times for 30+ minutes each.
• Run 1.5 miles of 2 miles ATLEAST 2 of those days.
• Get comfortable with running .75 continuously...meaning I will increase next week.