May 2011 Six Pix

May was fun. 

May was random.

May was a "go with the flow" month.  I don't have very many months that are "go with the flow."  I'm not generally a "go with the flow" person.  I'm working on that...and that is a long post all on it's own.  And it's fast approaching that I feel like writing about it...you know, with the holidays coming up (my LEAST "go with the flow" time of year).

At any rate, I had a lot of fun, some heartbreak, a little stress, too much anxiety and a big victory in May.  And not very many photos to show for it.

Here are some photos and some stories to go along with them:

In May, Chris was still in a band.  Sunday mornings/afternoons were my alone time with Jayna and we very often took advantage of it by doing things that Chris wouldn't really miss out on...i.e. going to the mall. On this particular day, Jayna wanted to go to "that lighted up restaurant" (Johnny Rocket's) to eat french fries.  So we went there.  She sat in a chair across the table from me by herself with no booster because she's "a big girl."  She also ordered her own drink and food because she's "a big girl."  And she used her manners by saying please and thank you because she's...you guessed it:  "a big girl."  On that particular day, it dawned on me that she really is growing up into a very awesome kid.  And that makes me proud and sad at the same time.

I have wanted to learn how to play harmonica for a long time now.  On Memorial Day, Chris said, "Hey...let's go to Guitar Center and get your harmonica."  It was a win-win-win.  I got my harmonica, Chris got to play some guitars and Jayna got to go play piano, guitar, drums, etc.  She really loves that store.  She also loves to sit on the stools.  This is one of my favorite pictures of her EVER.  She just looks so very sweet.

As you all know, Chris and I ran the Mini in May.  I will not go into that again, as I've written a couple of books about it.  I still love this photo, though.  That was a HUGE victory for me...one that I desparately needed in the midst of many other obstacles in life.  I haven't thought the same way about myself since I finished that race...horrible time or not. :)

This picture makes me laugh because soooo very many people think Chris is quiet and reserved.  This?  This is the REAL Chris.  Goofy and quick to make you laugh.  He was the best support I could've had before, during and after the Mini.  I love him to pieces.

One random Friday night, KT called and asked if she could stop by.  Stopping by on a Friday night in the warm months will inevitably lead to back porch guitar playing and wine drinking.  And that's what we did.  It's always nice to unexpectedly see friends.

This guy is Erik.  This day is my birthday.  This event was a show that The Band played at a Moose Lodge.  ON MY BIRTHDAY. (Oh...did I already mention that?)  I spent my birthday at a Moose Lodge.  I'm 31, not 75.  Anyhoo, there is a very long, ugly, heartbreaking story to be told about this night and the few weeks after this night.  Since it is all just juicy gossip that STILL dang near makes me cry, I won't tell it here.  I will just say that this was Erik's first time singing on a stage. EVER.  It makes me so proud of my friends when they do things to face their fears.  It was a rough go, but he did it!!  I love this guy and I hope we are always friends.  He is currently in Germany with his outstanding wife, Janette, until sometime next year, but I'm patiently awaiting their return.  We have drinking to do. :)

What did YOU do in May?

Diary of a First-Time Mini Marathoner: Part I, The Emotions

It feels weird to call myself a "Mini Marathoner."  Strange.  I didn't think I could ever actually do it.

I attempted to sit down with my iPhone on Saturday afternoon and write a blog post about my experience.  And then it occurred to me that I couldn't even put together a coherent sentence. 

I also couldn't stop shaking enough to actually use a touch screen phone, but we'll look past that.

I'll go through the process as I went through it:

On Thursday night, Jayna came down with something.  She was running a fever of around 102 degrees.  She was fussy.  She wasn't eating.  And she went to sleep on the couch at 6:45pm. THAT, my friends, is unheard of.

So...what do I do now??  I've paid quite a bit of money to run a race on Saturday and here it is, THURSDAY, and my kid is sick.  My hope was that it was some sort of 24 hour bug.  Notsomuch.

She woke up a few times in the night and still had a fever in the morning.  Chris stayed home with her on Friday and ended up taking her to the doctor in the afternoon.  She tested weak positive for strep.  Greeeeaaaatttt.

What now?  Which one of us stays home with her??  I've obviously had a much more difficult time training for this, so I should stay home.  Chris had a shot of running a sub-2 hour race.  I didn't.  But this was sort of MY thing. I WANTED to finish.  But...there was NO way I was going to go downtown ALONE and park and walk to the race and run and finish and then walk back to the car and drive home.  NO. FREAKIN. WAY. 

It then crossed my mind that neither of us should go.  That way there was no guilt either way.  But that was stupid!!  I asked my mom if she minded keeping Jayna overnight regardless of the strep issue and she agreed.  So Jayna stayed with my mom and we were both going to run.

I spent my Friday night distracted by baking cupcakes.  I wanted it that way.  I didn't want to think about it.

I got up at 5am.  I ate breakfast.  I drank some milk.  And off we went.  We got downtown at around 6:15am.  There were already soooo many people there!  When I saw the corrals and the start line, my stomach dropped.  Port-o-lets were the greatest invention ever at that moment. :)

Chris and I had to split up around 7:15am.  I ran into a friend from high school, Jodi, who was in my corral.  We talked for a few minutes and that kept my mind busy.  And then more and more and MORE people piled into the corral.  Hi, agoraphobia!!  Fancy meeting you here!!

I kept my wits about me and eventually crossed the start line at 23 minutes into the race.  I stuck to my plan of 10 running minutes and 5 walking minutes.  There were many musical and dancing acts along the way, as well as an unbridled number of supporters.  It was truly overwhelming to see that much support from all different sorts of people who didn't even know me!!  At a couple of points, it became very emotional.

I stuck to my run/walk plan straight through mile 6. After the 6 mile marker, it hit me.  I was fatigued.  I was in some pain.  My muscles were tight.  And I had to pee like NO other.  I stopped at the bathrooms inside the track and hurriedly went and came back out onto the course.  Morale began to take a nose dive.

The track portion of the race was...horrifying.  The scenery doesn't change.  The asphalt is hard and seemingly more unforgiving than the street (even though I'm sure that isn't the case).  People are everywhere and won't get out of the way.  It began to rain.  Frustration and irritation were prevalent.  At one walking point around mile 8 inside the track, a man began talking to me:

Him:  Is it getting to you, sweetie?
Me:  Yep.  I'm tired.  I don't think I'll be able to finish.
Him:  Listen.  I'm 65.  This is my first Mini.  And I'm going to finish dammit! 
Me:  Good!  Good luck to you!
Him:  No...listen.  I'm 65.  I have a blister on my foot the size of Rhode Island right now.  How about you?
Me:  I don't know.  I can't feel my feet.  I could have a blister the size of.....
Him:  Texas? 
Me:  Yeah, thanks.  I apparently can no longer form...words?
Him:  Sentences, you mean?  The words seem to be coming out.
Me:  Sure.  Whatever.  It's all the same, right??
Him:  Not really.  Well, I'm 65 and I'm going to finish.  I saw you running earlier, but I'm only walking.  If I can finish so can you.  So...keep going.  AND DON'T LET ME BEAT YOU!!!  Now go run some more!!
Me:  Okay, sir.

He caught up with me again around mile 9, but I stayed ahead of him the rest of the race.  And I did beat him, but probably not by much.  I wish I knew his name. :)

At mile 9, I began talking to myself.  At mile 10, I cried.  At mile 11, I had to look down at my feet to make sure they were still there.  At mile 12, I cried again, but because I only had 1 more mile.

And when I crossed the finish line, I had to fight my emotions with everything I had to NOT cry.  I wanted to atleast get through all of those wonderful people who gave me my medal, a bottle of water, a banana, a granola bar, a cookie and some Gatorade.  I love those people like they are my own family.  Seriously.

I really wanted to just skip all of that.  I just wanted to go cry on Chris' shoulder.  I just wanted to see Chris.  I just wanted to see ONE FREAKING FAMILIAR FACE.  One constant and caring individual.

When he was in my sights, I totally lost control of my emotions.  I cried like a baby and I didn't care who knew.  There were so many things going through my head.

Those of you who know me know all the things that I've endured to get here...including, but not limited to a full body rash, extreme stress and anxiety, a toddler that I just want to do right by, a near-neglected family and household, the death of my dear Morgan, and the life of my dog Oliver who has suffered nearly as much as me through Moe's death.  When Morgan got sick at the end, I said, "I'll run this race for him.  He can't do it anymore, so I'll do it for him."  When he died, that became 125% more important.  And I did it.  I've had an incredibly difficult time with closure regarding Moe's death.  This experience has helped me turn a page in that chapter.  It's definitely not over, but it's progressing.

I don't think that there is one pinpointed reason that I cried.  I cried because I finished and didn't have to run anymore.  I cried because I FINISHED!!  I cried because I was in pain.  I cried because there were so many people around me.  I cried because there were so many people rooting for me and I didn't let them down.  I cried because I finished regardless of the naysayers.  I cried because I remembered my promise to Morgan.  I cried because I could now go pick up my sick kid from my mom. 

And I cried because I felt like a different person.  A better person.  A more confident person.  A person who finishes what she starts no matter how tough things get.

I would like to say a sincere Thank You to all of you who believed that I could do this...because I certainly didn't believe that at several points throughout this journey.  You guys helped me through lots of hard times.  And for that, I thank you.

Also, a HUGE Thank You to all of my running friends who provided advice, training and cheering.  Zac, The Quags, KT, Chris.  You guys were the glue that held me together.  I hadn't a clue where to start or end and you guys helped me more than you'll ever know. :)

I will pick up running again in about a month.  There are things that have needed my attention since January and it's time to address them.  Some painting.  Some baking.  Some harmonica.  A toddler.  A household.  And most of all...MY MIND NEEDS A BREAK.  Even my half-assed training routine was more than difficult.  I can't imagine for those of you who ran well and trained twice as much as me.  When I begin running again, it will be on a very light level.  I will see where that takes me and in October/November, I'll revisit whether or not I want to run another Mini.  If I decide not to, I'm okay.  And if I decide to do it, I'll be great.

***Note for those of you who care about stats:  My official time was 3:32:24.  I paced a 16:13 mile.  At mile 10, I was at 2:32:51.  It took me an HOUR to go the last 3 miles. I've taken a mental note.***

Want Kool Aid??

Sorry...no sugar.

Raise your hand if you've seen the movie Friday.

A few of you?  Good.

I've seen that movie no less than 683 times.  No joke.  I know approximately 89% of the entire script.  I love it.  And if I had more time and didn't have an impressionable toddler, I'd probably still try to fit it in once (maybe twice) a week.  Oh yeah...and if I did that, I'd also have to want to be single.  Because Chris would ABSOLUTELY not stand for that.

Anyhoozy, there is a part where Criag's friend Smokey wants to make some Kool Aid.  When he learns that Craig's household is out of sugar, he spews this rant (to the best of my recollection):

"Y'all ain't never got two things that match!  Kool Aid, no sugar.  Peanut butter, no jelly.  Ham, no burger.  Daaammmnn!!!!!"

Well, faithful blog readers...that's my brain right now.  It hasn't one single conversation/story/thought that goes with any other one.  Except for the above story, of course...seeing how it has NOTHING to do with anything.

So, in light of having ham and no burger, I offer you this random list of all things random:

• Jayna asked for jelly toast for dessert a few nights ago.  I tried to gently persuade her:  "How about we have jelly toast for breakfast in the morning and have pudding or something for dessert?"  Her response?  "How about you just listen to me and I'll have jelly toast for dessert AND for breakfast in the morning?"  I suppose I should "just listen."
• I am running the Mini Marathon in 2 days.  Less than 48 hours.  My stomach just turned over as I typed that.  I've learned that I am not at liberty to wear headphones to listen to music...that music will be playing along the course.  I'm not sure how I'll handle not wearing headphones.  I'm sure I'll be fine, but it may take a few miles to get used to it.
• I'm surprised that I didn't get more questions/comments regarding my last blog post.  The Jayna blog posts are usually the most popular ones.
• I know it's normal for a child to have an imaginary friend, but is it normal for a child to have an imaginary GROUP of friends?  Almost like an army?  Jayna has a group of imaginary friends around 9 large.  And they color so pretty, she says.  I....am speechless.
• Last night at the dinner table, Jayna continually played in her food.  I finally raised my voice and said, "Jayna!!!  Stop playing in your food!!!"  She pointed her fork at me and said, "Mommy, you don't talk to me that way."  I just looked at her.  She followed with, "We don't say those words, mommy."  I didn't even know how to respond to that. 
• I need to learn how to get my Instagram photos off of my phone without syncing my phone to a computer.  And in related news, if you're an iPhone user and don't use FREE Instagram, you're missing out.  Get it immediately in the App Store.
• I hope my plants didn't get frostbitten last night.  I forgot to bring them in.  And in related news, WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE EFFING WEATHER???  Seriously.  A Facebook friend posted yesterday, "Have we finally effed up the world so much that the weather will NEVER be normal again?"  I'm starting to believe that is true.
• What will I do with myself after the Mini???  Oh, right.  Make tons of awesome cupcakes.  And refinish old furniture.  And paint.  And plant things. :)

And I'll leave you with this:

One of my new favorite websites is Some Ecards.  By now, y'all know my sense of humor.  If you like the sarcastic, most-of-the-time-rude-and-always-inappropriateness of it, then you, too, will love this website.  You should all expect to be getting some of these from me in the near future.

Who WOULDN'T want to live that long??

In college, Cinco de Mayo was our favorite holiday.  Drinking for seemingly no reason.  Oh, wait....

Who'd a thunk it?!?  I'm outdoorsy after all!!!

Here's wishing you all a happy Thursday. :)  

Mishmash Monday: Updates Out the Wahzoo

I don't know if that's how you spell "wahzoo."  I'm sure it isn't and that someone will correct me.  I'm sure of it.

I'm also not sure if "mishmash" is one word or two words.  I'm sure the same person who knows about "wahzoo" knows.  So they'll be able to kill two birds with on stone.

TEN DAYS.  That's how long it's been since I've blogged.  A long ass time. 

And to be honest, it's been because I just haven't felt like doing it.  Yes...I've been busy.  Yes...I've been preoccupied.  And yes...I've been busy.  Wait...did I....nevermind.  I don't really know what's going on. 

I have lots of things to say from the past 10 days.  Most of them probably deserve their own posts.  But not all of them will get that.  I'll do a Jayna post tonight or tomorrow because my kid is the most awesome kid I know and she always deserves her own posts (hell, at this point, she could probably narrate them for me to type.  She's a smart and sassy kid.).  But all the rest of this shiz is going in a bulleted list.  That's just my style.

• Interesting...I pushed the "bullet list" button up at the top of my blog post page and I suddenly forgot what I wanted to put in my bulleted list.  It's as if the pressing of the "bullet" button erased my memory.  Like in Men In Black.  I always thought it would be really helpful to have a neuralizer.  When I say something stupid, I could just pull out the thing and "flashy thingy" someone.  I'd be using that thing atleast 3 times a day.
• I planted some things about...well...10 days ago.  A tomato plant, a raspberry bush, some orchid gladiola bulbs and some other flower seeds I had lying around.  I only plant things in pots, so I don't have to wait as long as if I were going to plant them in the ground.  I grow tomatoes every year.  I asked Jayna what she wanted to grow this year and she said, "I grow berries mommy.  Blueberries, strawberries, blackberries and raspberries."  I urged her to pick just one.  She settled on raspberries and I bought one of those "in the box"-looks like just a dead stick-probably won't grow raspberry bushes.  Hey...it was 5 bucks with 20% off.  It was worth a shot.  I was pretty certain when I planted it (in a giant pot for now) that it was completely dead and wouldn't grow.  After 10 days it looks MORE dead.  I wasn't even sure that was possible.  I don't have a particularly green thumb, but I can grow things and keep them alive for long periods of time.  This plant has had water and sun and lives on my back patio safe from the "wild."  All the other plants are atleast doing SOMETHING.  The raspberry...notsomuch.  So this weekend I bit the bullet and bought a live-from-the-nursery-already-green-and-growing raspberry bush.  Jayna asks me atleast once a week if the bush has raspberries yet that she can eat.  If I don't grow something that produces ATLEAST one raspberry that the kid can eat by the end of summer, I'm in major trouble.  Here's hoping the new raspberry bush grows quickly.
• Chris' band, Call Me Elmer, (like them on Facebook, please!!!!!) has their first paying gig on my birthday.  It's at the Columbus Moose Lodge.  I am excited for them!  They are very quickly and surely learning and perfecting 4 hours worth of songs to play.  Wish them luck if you see them on Facebook!
• I've changed my running routine and it's going smoothly.  Before a couple of weeks ago, I'd start running and just keep running until I almost passed out.  I'd stop to walk and I'd feel defeated...mostly because I felt like I wouldn't be able to start running again and run for any amount of time.  I'd run for about 15 minutes and then stop and walk.  I'd start running again after around 5 minutes of walking.  But I'd only be able to run for around 8 minutes before I'd have to stop and walk again.  I now run 10 minutes and walk 5 minutes.  Even if I'm not tired, I keep up that pattern.  I don't get so tired so quickly and my breathing stays constant.  If I keep up the pace and routine that I'm doing now, I'm set to finish the mini in around 3 hours...probably around 3 hours 15 minutes.  And if it takes me longer...who cares!?!  That probably sounds like a very long time to some of you, but keep in mind that 3 weeks ago I was contemplating not running it.  I was scared to death that I wouldn't finish.  The tweaking that I've done with the running is working wonders for my confidence and is very encouraging.  I even want to run more after the mini!!!
• Easter was fun this year.  Jayna is getting older and is finally catching on to the traditions of the holidays.  She had a great time finding Easter eggs at Nana M's house.  She got a lightning bug house from Nana B and she won't stop asking if we can go outside and catch some. :)
• If it doesn't stop raining soon, I'm going postal.  Thath is all.
• I am excited to begin helping lots of friends with their kids' birthday cakes/cupcakes.  I really love making and decorating cupcakes and it is awesome that I have friends who trust me and will let me help them make their kids' birthdays just a little more special...without breaking the bank!!  I do all my work for free.  That's what friends are for. :)

What have y'all been up to??

Mulligan Monday: Running Blah Blah Blah

I have a message for my running friends and/or supporters.  I'm not really sure how to approach this. 

Okay...I've mulled it over. 

STOP LETTING ME OFF THE HOOK FOR SKIPPING RUNS.

Seriously.

The running itself is not causing me anxiety.  The running itself is GOOD for me!! 

I'm the one to blame for the anxiety.  Not you.  Not the running. 

So, here's the deal....I'll stop being so hard on myself.  And in return, you all will start badgering me about running again. 

I need this, people.  I just need a little kick in the ass to get back on track.  When I get over the hump I may not need as much coaching/encouragement/etc.  But for now, I need y'all.

Help.  I just need a little help.

Random Wednesday Lists: Train of Thought

Here are some random lists that are going through my head:

Things Jayna is now afraid of:

*  The dark
*  Shadows
*  Patrick Star from Spongebob
*  Any sort of mask/glasses/mustache combo
*  The bathroom
*  Her bedroom when no one else is in there even if the light is on
*  The living room
*  The hobby room
*  Every room in our house except the kitchen when the light is on
*  Being anywhere alone (and Ollie doesn't count as a being)
*  The TV when it's turned off (I think there's a bigger problem there...)
*  The TV when a recorded show ends and the screen turns blue
*  Loud noises
*  The wind (okay, not really...but may as well be)


Races I'm running:

*  Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure - 5K In Honor of Saffron Yarbrough
*  March of Dimes March for Babies - 5K Inspired to run and raise money by Kayla Aimee and baby Scarlette
*  One America 500 Festival Mini Marathon - 13.1 miles...I'm aiming for half at this point
*  More to come after I assess the situation after the Mini.


A few of the dreams I've had while taking Medrol (a steroid for my crazy rash):

Just a quick note about this before the list...the doctor NEVER mentioned anything about crazy dreams, but upon further research, I've discovered that it's fairly common to have very vivid nightmares/dreams while taking steroids like Prednisone or Medrol.  Maybe she didn't want me to have psychosomatic side effects, but it was really scary the first night.  These dreams are REAL and I wake up EVERYTIME disoriented and doing whatever motion I was doing in my dream.

*  Swinging with Jayna (I woke up rocking as if I were swinging on a swing) and she fell out of the swing and got stabbed with a stick.  I gasped when I woke up and checked on her.  I was unsure of how we got from the backyard to our beds in such a short amount of time.  I remember thinking, "She still needs a bath!!!"
*  A college class about teeth in which I had to shuffle through a row of people in a lecture hall to the very last seat at the other end of the row when I could've just started at the other end.  I then failed the class because all my teeth fell out in class.  I woke up SITTING UP on the side of the bed and shuffling my feet on the floor while checking my mouth for teeth.
*  Chris giving birth to a bouncing baby girl.  I...won't go into detail.  It was quite the strange dream and again...I woke up and had to check our house for another baby before I realized that I was awake and that...wait for it....CHRIS CAN'T HAVE BABIES.
*  Morgan has been in almost every dream.  Once he was sailing a boat.  Once he was fighting a bear (we'll get to that one) and once he went to Old Indiana with me (that one's next).
*  I went to Old Indiana with the Quags family, my friend Holly, Morgan and my mom.  We were on our way there and got lost.  We found this house that morphed into trees and plants and got so caught up in how cool it was that we forgot to go to Old Indiana and then it closed. (It is, in fact, closed, by the way.)  Morgan just constantly barked at the morphing house. 
*  I went on vacation with Chris, Jayna, Michelle R., Ellie and some other people.  Jayna and Ellie were running back and forth in front of a HUGE window.  An old lady yelled at them for running in the hall so they ran THROUGH the window instead just to piss her off.  They were completely unharmed, but they knocked over a fish tank in the process and I woke up picking up fish off of our bed.
*  And last night...I had some people over to my house to have a backyard party (it was actually my mom's backyard).  There was a bear in my backyard.  We blocked the deck with a baby gate so the bear wouldn't get us.  He came around to the other deck entrance and Morgan attacked the bear.  The bear was then really pissed off so I yelled at it and told it to go away and it went and hid behind our shed.  I woke up sweating and REALLY scared because while I was asleep having a dream about a bear that I **should have** been afraid of, I wasn't afraid of it in the dream.  My half-awake self was telling my subconscious dream self to be afraid of the bear.  I was afraid for my OWN life in my OWN dream.  I'm probably doing a shitty job of explaining that, but it was really crazy.


What I need at the grocery store/Target:

*  Eggs
*  Jayna's milk
*  Cranberry juice
*  Potato chips
*  Hot dog buns
*  Six pack of beer
*  Body wash
*  Listerine
*  Oatmeal

Do YOU have a list to make??

Melancholy Monday: Me

I've realized that I don't just write directly about myself very often.  I write about things I do and about my kid and my dogs and my husband and other things, but I don't write just about me.  As in, "Hey there!!  How ya doin, kid??"  And then I'd answer. 

Probably because I don't *like* to answer that question.  My default answer would be, "I'm okay."  And that makes for a pretty boring blog entry.

I've debated since last Thursday as to whether I'd even write this entry.  And then as I was lying awake last night, a very profound and important answer came to me...."Whatever."

Yes, you read that right.  I said, "Whatever."  That was it.  I asked myself a question and the answer I received back was, "Whatever."  And at 3:30am, it seemed very profound.

So apparently I'm okay with writing about this now.

I supposed I just needed 3 or 4 days to process everything. 

And it is highly likely that I'm making this a bigger deal than it is.  Which is, in turn, probably why I've typed 2 dozen sentences and y'all don't even know what I'm talking about yet.

Last Thursday I had my annual doctor visit with my women's health doctor.  No, not JUST the lady doctor...she does way more than that.  She is by far the best and most attentive doctor I've ever had. 

To catch you up, there are a few things you should know.  I have a rash all over my whole body.  I've written about this before, but not to a great degree.  It started about a week after I began running (which is why it's always been attributed to sweat/heat).  It doesn't itch.  It doesn't burn.  It was sort of misdiagnosed by a nurse practitioner as either heat or sweat (prickly heat) rash.  I'd been applying hydrocortisone cream and water-based lotion to no avail.  The stupid rash kept spreading and was getting WAY worse. 

When the assistant at the doctor's office took my blood pressure and asked me a jillion questions that didn't even really seem to pertain to my health, she also asked me if I had any additional questions/concerns for the doctor.  And I mentioned the rash.  The doctor was going to see it anyway.

She looked at it and was immediately afraid to touch me after that.  Good grief.  Anyhoo, she said she'd write it down...and write it down she did.

So the doc comes in and asks me immediately, "So what is this rash??"  I showed her and she actually became concerned.  I then told her the story that I wrote above.  She looked up a few things in a book and said, "Have you been dealing with a great deal of stress or anxiety?"  Huh.

I referenced the fact that I was trying to run 13 miles.  She laughed.  "Oh you...you can't train from nothing to run 13 miles in only 5 months.  Really."  And then she asked me 20 other questions like if I'd changed my laundry detergent or body soap.  Nope.  Haven't changed a thing.

So then she says, "Why are you shaking your foot? Are you nervous about being here?  I don't remember you ever being nervous here."  I was NOT, in fact, nervous.  I LOVE my doctor and I have never been afraid of doctors.  Not even "that doctor." 

She then said, "You're also picking at your fingernails."  That didn't surprise me.  If you know me, you know that I was an avid nail biter until around 4 years ago.  Now I occasionally just pick at my cuticles.  Classy, I know.

Then we talk about the running a little more and, seemingly out of the blue, she says, "I'm going to go get an anxiety questionaire.  I think that's a good place to start."  Oh dear.

She asked me loads of questions.  She then asked, "Have you lost a loved one?  Someone close to you?"  I replied with, "I lost my best friend.  My dog Morgan."

HOLY SHIT!!!  Where the hell did that come from??  I didn't even tell myself to say that.  Seriously.  And then I started crying right there in the room with the doctor watching me and telling me that it would be okay.  Geez. 

I was pretty sure that I had turned a corner last month sometime.  Apparently I turned right when I should've turned left.

I really didn't know that that situation was still bothering me that much. 

She then may or may not have mentioned to me that I had talked about running like it was a job and not a hobby or goal.  Ugh.  And that I was kidding myself if I thought I'd be able to run the entire mini.  While deep down I know she's right, it's really difficult to HEAR things like that.

I told her that I'd had a couple of bad days here and there, but overall I thought I was okay.  She asked me to explain my worst day.  After talking about that day, she said, "You know, it sounds like you were on the edge of a panic attack."  Woah.

She then diagnosed my rash as something that was 5 words long, had only 2 vowels, and was almost unable to be pronounced.  And she said, "This rash, like most, is HIGHLY exacerbated by stress and anxiety.  I've not seen it to this degree."  Oh.

So she took some blood, or a LOT of it, and told me she'd also test me for a battery of things in case the anxiety and rash were part of a bigger problem.  After 9 tubes, I got a little antsy.  What was she testing me for??

I never did get a straight answer on that as the phlebotomist wasn't at liberty to answer my questions.  My doctor just kept telling me, "When I see you again in 3 months, you'll be a brand new person.  I just KNOW it!!"

Two prescriptions for the rash and an anxiety med that I can take only if I feel I need it.  I'm okay with all of that.

I've never had problems with stress or anxiety to the degree that a doctor noticed.  My doctor also did not pressure me to take anti-depressants or anxiety meds.  She said it was only one of many options and gave me the run-down on what she thought would help.  First and foremost...I should reduce the amount of self-imposed stress. 

I struggled with that a first, as it basically means that I have to stop with running goals that are, at this time, out of my reach.  I've since re-evaluated my life, my limits (time and physical) and my sanity.  They're all sort of in the crapper right now.  So a re-evaluation was needed. 

My life right now will NOT allow me to train hard enough to run the bulk of the mini.  I have a family and a job and shit to do.  Seriously.  My time limits are being tested on a daily basis as I struggle with making time to go to the gym or run outside.  My physical limits are being tested on account of the fact that I went from pretty much NO exercised to a WHOLE BUNCH of it.  My right knee is currently in a compression brace to stop the ache.  And these days it seems that I LIVE on the edge of sanity.  Which means insanity is right over the line I'm toeing. 

I can't keep up with myself.  It's so much more than frustrating that I can't even put it into words. 

I NEVER want running to become a chore.  I LOVE it and I want to continue doing it for a LOT of years.  I want to run mini-marathons and 5Ks and such and have fun.  And be healthy.  I don't want to be a ball of anxiety that forces herself to go to the gym for the sake of being there.  That's not how I do. 

Where does this leave me?

No more running stress.  More realistic goals.  Less worrying if I don't exactly reach those goals. 

I've now committed myself to 3 training days a week.  I'll do 2 weekdays and one weekend day.  I'll do short runs on the weekdays and a long run on the weekend.  That's what I can do at this point.  Time with my growing child who will NOT be a toddler forever is WAY more important to me than a stupid race.

My short(er) term goal is to run 6.5 miles of the mini.  That's around half.  If I do that all at once...awesome.  If I do 2 or 3 shorter runs...awesome. 

Long term goal?  What is THAT???  :)  Long term goal is to run the 2012 mini and....run THE WHOLE THING.  Seriously.  Y'all just watch. 

In regards to Morgan...time.  And hugs.  If you see me, it's highly likely that I'll need a hug.  If I cry, don't feel bad.  I'm just crying tears of joy that I have good friends and family who allow me to be crazy but then help bring me back to earth.  And don't judge me the whole time. :)

I love you all.

Progress Report: Week 9

Sooo...2/28-3/6.  Yikes.

I'd like to say that this was a bad week, but it wasn't.  I didn't get in the mileage or time that I wanted, but I got alot of useful information, help and support from friends and family.  And it always helps to know that there are people in your corner.

Monday 2/28- 31 minutes and around 2.5 miles on the treadmill.  Still at a 12:45 pace.  I got a call from Jayna's school and I had to go get her early.  Frustrating that I had to leave early.  I felt good when I left, but I felt like I didn't finish the run.

On Monday, I expressed on Facebook that I was having a little trouble.  Okay, ALOT of trouble.  I'm just still trying to figure things out.  I got alot of great feedback from a couple of running friends and it has been a tremendous help.  One piece of advice is to run on the treadmill at a 1% incline to account for wind resistance.  That advice was invaluable.  When I added the incline I noticed that the run immediately became more similar to an outdoor run in terms of my hips and knees.

Thursday 3/3- 19 minutes and around 1.5 miles through the neighborhood.  I originally thought I'd gone further, but after driving it, it was around 1.5.  That's better as it keeps me on pace.  More learning on this day.  It was still a little chilly out and my lungs....hurt.  My muscles and my brain were okay. 

What I took away from this run is that I canNOT map out runs.  I just need to...run.  Like Forrest. :)  Run length of 35 minutes, run 17 minutes out and 17 minutes back. 

Saturday 3/5- Long run day.  61 minutes and 4.65 miles. Incline at 1%.  That felt good!!  Around 13:00 mile pace, so just a tad slower than usual.  But I'm okay with that because I RAN FOR AN HOUR.  I did stop for around 90 seconds in the middle to catch my breath, but that's all!!  My goal was 70 minutes and as soon as I stepped off that treadmill at 61 minutes, I was kicking myself in the ass.  Just. 9. More. Minutes.  I'll get there.

Lesson from this one??  You just know there's a lesson.  Focus on the minutes.  I hid the miles on the display.  I focused ONLY on minutes.  And it was sort of liberating.  I ran at the incline and varied my pace depending on how I felt instead of running a flat pace the entire time.  And I think it was a success.

I was on schedule to run Sunday, but that didn't happen.  Conference class preparation and a sick child kept me away.  So, I'm including Monday 3/7 because it was supposed to be my last 35 minute run of Week 9.

Monday 3/7- 33 minutes outdoors.  Distance unknown.  To be honest, I don't even remember the route so I'm not even sure I could drive it or map it at this point.  Difficult but felt good.  Less stress on my knees and hips.  Pretty uneventful except for some heckling from some teenage boys. :)

Lesson:  I canNOT run in my neighborhood.  Not yet.  I live in a neighborhood that is comprised of only 2 streets and a series of courts.  It seems that I can't get far enough away from my "safety zone" (my house) to be motivated enough to run longer times.  I basically have to run the circle that is my neighborhood forcing me to pass my house every 1.2 miles or so.  I know myself too well...if I get too tired or frustrated, I'll just...go home.  So, running at the park it is.  I'll try that a few times and see what happens.

For those of you that know me well, this is a HUGE lifestyle change for me.  But I feel really good about it.  I'll stick with it and keep trying.  And I'll continue to work on the trial and error system until I find something that works for me.

Up this week-3/7 to 3/13- Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for 40 minutes and Saturday for 80 minutes.  Yep, 80.  Have faith, people.

Progress Report: Week 8

Last week (2/21-2/27) was...busy.  I think I've determined what the immediate problems are regarding ME and TRAINING FOR A MINI-MARATHON.  It's a vicious circle.  No, really.  It's a circle.  Let's have a numbered list, shall we?

1. I've made what I call tremendous progress in 2 months.  That gave me a false sense of security.
2. Having a false sense of security then led me to commit a little less to the training.
3. Committing less to the training has forced me to remember that even though I can run 4 miles, a mini-marathon is 13 miles.  And I have 2 months to get into gear and show this bitch (the mini) who is boss (ME).
4. I will hit the training hard and then gain a false sense of security again.
5. Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

See?!?  It's truly a circle.  Aaaaand....on to the lack of progress for last week.

Monday and Wednesday were pretty identical.  I ran 3 miles each day at 4.7 mph...a 12:45 mile.  Not bad.  Except that's where it ended for me. 

I went Wednesday to Monday with no running.  And that...that nearly killed me yesterday.

I'll get there.  I have to keep reminding myself that my first mini will NOT be the best.  But it's a start.

Progress Report: Week 7

No more daily gym updates.  That was getting to be too much for me.  I can't even find the time to blog twice a week and I don't want my entire blog to be about running.  Seriously.

Last week (2/14 to 2/20/11) was good.  And then bad.  And then good again.

Roller coasters are my favorite.  Especially when I'm striving for consistency.

I had good intentions of running outside last week.  It was freezing a couple of days and I've been fighting some cold/flu/allergy issues, so I was just happy that the gym provided a warm place where I could run and breathe.  I ran at the gym all 3 days...Monday, Thursday and Saturday.

On Monday I ran a continuous 2.5 miles.  I ran at 4.7 mph, so that put me at a 12:45 minute mile.  That put me at 31.1 continuous minutes of running.  And my lungs rebeled.  So did my heart.  But I did it and now it's easier.  It seems that once I run a certain distance one time that it almost (I said almost) instantly becomes easier.  I've been told that it's because I was better than I thought at the beginning and I'm still learning my limits...you know, starting from scratch and all.

On Tuesday I woke up sick and missed Tuesday and Wednesday.  I went back, apparently prematurely, on Thursday and could only get in a mile before I nearly collapsed.  I had a coughing fit that caused the very helpful and concerned girl next to me to take out her headphones and asked if she could "get my inhaler."  She was just sure I was having an asthma attack.  I assured her that I do not, in fact, have asthma and I just had a really horrendous cold.  I left mainly out of embarrassment.  I probably could've recovered and ran another mile, but I was way off my game and just wanted to go home.

By Saturday I was feeling 100% better, so I went with the intention of running 3 miles.  I took Benadryl before I went for an allergy-related issue and I'm pretty sure that that's the worst thing I could ever do.  I'll just have to suffer the allergies.  I began like I do everytime and at half of a mile, I was light-headed and crampy and SUPER EFFIN' PISSED because of those things.  I was doubled over in pain from the chest/side cramping and I thought I was pretty close to passing out.  I pushed the dreaded stop button and just stood there doubled over and close to tears.  I was sooooo angry at myself.

Just as I was gathering my things to leave, one of the trainers at my gym that I see everytime I'm there noticed that I was having less than a stellar workout and said to me as he walked by, "Don't go anywhere.  I'll be back in a minute.  Start walking again."  So I followed directions.

He came back and gave me the motivational speech of a lifetime.  I offered to hire him to go with me to the Mini, but he's also running.  It also helps that he has actually witnessed all of my progress since he works there.  He also gave me some pointers that I'd already been given by various people about breathing and stride and such.  He said I was doing things right by taking it slow and that if I just stick with it I won't fail.  I was told that "you don't need to one-up yourself EVERYTIME you run...if you do that you'll get frustrated and want to quit.  Try only upping mileage or speed every couple of runs."  It was nice that at that very moment I had someone on my side. :)

I ended up running another 2.25 miles.  Thank you, Ryan.

So, there you have it.  Up.  Then down.  Then up again.  Here's to a new week of much needed consistency.

Progress Report: Day 12

A little outdoor running??  Don't mind if I do!!

I sounded pretty happy up there, didn't I?  Yeah...don't let that fool you.  It was a disaster.

On Saturday, I wanted to run but didn't really have time to drive to the gym and all.  It was upwards of 40 degrees, so I thought, "It can't be that bad!  I'll dress warm and run the 1.5 miles I've mapped out in the neighborhood...piece of cake!  I'll be home in 30 minutes tops!" 

I should know better than to get my hopes up about running outside.

I have a pretty horrid cold right now, but it was 40 degrees!!  Noone told me that the wind was blowing like crazy, though.  That doesn't help.

My sinuses almost instantly filled up with mucus causing me to breathe through my mouth...which irritated my already scratchy and raw throat.  I tried to suck it up and breathe through my congested nose, but snot bubbles are never attractive.

My lungs burned after a quarter of a mile with the wind blowing directly in my face.  My hands were numb (note to self:  wear gloves if it's under 50 degrees).  And I couldn't pace myself to save my life. 

I ran half a mile and gave it up.  I was exhausted.  I think I ran that half mile in about 6 minutes.  That would put me at a 12 minute mile and that shouldn't seem that far out of my grasp...but I couldn't focus on anything except my lack of ability to breathe.  I'm officially a sissy.

I do have to say that it was quite amusing to run in the hood, though.  I saw a kid shoveling snow out of his YARD and putting it into an open shop vac.  I saw a couple in their driveway arguing like cats and dogs.  I was pretty sure the woman was going to punch the man in his throat.  And I saw 2 dachsunds both on leads tied to the same tree celebrating Valentine's Day early (nudge nudge, wink wink...if you know what I mean).  Way more interesting than the gym.

Well...I have work to do.  Pacing and breathing work.  I'll get there.  Eventually.

Progress Report & Note to Gym Staff: Day 11

Yesterday was outstanding!!!! 

And when was the last time I started an entry about the gym like that?  I'll tell you...never.

I was determined yesterday.  Determined to kick some ass and take some names.  And that I did.

Basics:  30 minutes, 2.26 miles.  Walked 3.2 mph (except for cooldown...which was 2.7/2.2), ran 4.7 mph. Ran 2 continuous miles, walked the rest.  I'll say it again....I RAN 2 CONTINUOUS MILES.  I ran for 25.5 minutes and didn't stop.  I couldn't be happier with myself.

I've learned a few things about this experience that should be, for posterity, written down.  For a month now I've been going to the gym fairly regularly and I've tried VERY hard to not put so much pressure on myself that I want to quit.  But what I sort of forgot is that I don't work well under NO pressure.  I need to have some pressure...otherwise I'll procrastinate like I always do and bomb.  And no bombs here, please.

Everytime I run longer than half a mile, I hit a sludge period.  When I get over that hump, it's like I have the potential to turn into Forrest Gump.  "I just felt like running." :)

I've also learned that I have some weird condition that causes me to get a rash from sweating.  It's pretty weird.  I haven't been to a doctor because after not working out at all for 8 days it has begun to get a little better.  I've been lathering myself in lotion and hydrocortisone cream also, so that's helping.  It's on the inside of my arms at elbow area, inner thighs, backs of knees, waistband area, sports bra band area and my sides.  And I feel....disgusting.  Anyone have any experience with this??  Any help would be outstanding.  I'd kind of like to not feel like a lepper.

NOTE TO GYM STAFF:

Do you think it's the best idea for one of the regular television stations to be the Food Network???  I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person questioning why you'd all want to torture us while we try to NOT think about eating Paula Deen's peanut butter truffle pie and try to think about health and fitness.  And while I listen to music while I run, delicious looking food is on the television that I'm FORCED to stare at.  I think I'll lodge an official complaint.

Progress Report: Days 9 & 10

Today marks 8 days that I haven't been to the gym.  And my jiggly behind will definitely be there today.

I could go into all the lame excuses and legitimate reasons that I haven't been anywhere near a treadmill in 8 days, but I'm sure y'all have gathered what's been going on in my life by now, so I'll spare you. 

Day 9/January 26th was awesome.  Basics:  32 minutes, 2.28 miles.  Ran 1.75 miles, walked the rest.  Ran 4.6-4.7 mph, walked 3.2-3.5 mph.  My longest stretch was a mile in 13.06 again. YAY!!!!  It is refreshing knowing that my first time running a mile wasn't just beginners luck or something.  It isn't out of my realm of possibility to run a mile.  That's a great feeling for me.  It did seem a little more difficult this time.  I didn't seem to hit a plateau as quickly and I became a little lightheaded at one time.  Overall a success.

Day 10/January 29th was a little more productive.  I have found that I seem to be a little (read:  ALOT) more focused on weekend gym days than I do after work.  Basics:  36 minutes, 2.5 miles.  Ran 2 miles, walked the rest.  Ran 4.6 mph, walked 3.2-3.5 mph.  My longest stretch was 1.2 miles.  Aaaaand..........MORE PROGRESS!!!  Days like this one **almost** make missing a week worth it.  I ran for a complete and continuous 15 minutes.  At the beginning of all of this, I really believed that to be impossible.  I felt on top of the world after this run and discovered that I just have to fight through the "ugh time."  Once I get past that quarter mile or so, I'm good.

And today we'll see how much of my progress I've lost due to...well, missing a week.  I can guarantee that another week will NOT pass without me seeing the gym/sidewalk.  I won't half ass this mini. :)

Progress Report & Note to Treadmill Users: Day 8

After a long weekend of sitting on my ass (in actuality, I was cleaning up water all over my house and entertaining a child), I was determined to get a jumpstart on this week.  And I did just that.

Basics:  2.26 miles.  Walk 3.2-3.5 mph, run 4.6 mph.  Ran total of 1.75 miles.  Longest stretch was 1 mile/13.06 minutes.

I DID IT!!!!

The goal was a stretch of .75 miles...and I surpassed that!!  The other goal was a total of 1.5 miles...and I surpassed that too!!!!

Feeling good about that.  And I think I can keep this up.  My heartrate seemed to plateau around the .6 mark and I probably could've went even further than the mile.  At one point I got deliriously happy and  couldn't stop smiling.  I'm sure I looked like a dork.

And now, a PSA to treadmill users who seemingly do not use treadmills very often (Yes, I do see the irony that I haven't been running for very long, but please keep reading):  If you set your speed at 6 mph (running speed) and then HOLD YOURSELF UP ON THE SIDERAILS while your feet BARELY TOUCH THE TREADMILL, then the treadmill is not for you.  If your feet aren't planted firmly, then you are NOT RUNNING.  This is really an exercise for your arms that can be achieved with 4 or 5 other pieces of gym equipment.  Get the eff OFF THE TREADMILL and let someone who really runs or walks use it.  Go use some other machine for your arms.

Rant over.

Progress Report: Day 7 and Goals for Next Week

Last week was a week of successes and failures.  And while the successes should mean more than the failures, they don't just yet.  I shouldn't be failing this early in the game.

First up is Day 7 which was Friday 1/21.  Yep...no gym alllllll weekend.  A flood and laziness interfered with that...

Anyhooters, the basics:  32 minutes, 2.2 miles.  Walk 3.2-3.5 mph, run 4.6 mph.  (I increased my run speed a tenth of a mile because 4.5 seems too slow now.  I know it isn't much, but it's atleast the right direction.)  My run total was 1.4 miles (yeah...ONE EFFING TENTH of a mile from the goal.) and walked the rest.  Longest stretch was .75 miles and right at 9 continuous minutes.

Feelings:  Friday was a day filled with anger and emotions.  I fell apart that afternoon for some known and some unknown reasons.  I was mad and anxious when I got there to run and I didn't want to be there.  I've been told that someday I'll learn to channel the emotions into the running, but that isn't happening yet.  I did meet a goal, but that's because I was determined to overcome the funk.  So maybe I DID channel the emotions.  Who the hell knows?!?

My goals for last week were simple:

• Go to gym 4 times for 30+ minutes.   FAIL
• Run .75 miles continuously.  SUCCESS
• Run 1.5 miles of the 2 mile runs.  CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR.

Lesson #1:  If I expect myself to go to the gym AFTER I pick up Jayna, go home and get some things done, then I can pretty much just call that a fail.  It is far too difficult to go throughout the week after I've already been home.  There is too much of the day-to-day to deal with. 

Lesson #2:  Skipping the weekends is NOT AN OPTION.  I really need to make use of Jayna's naptime and get up off it.  Seriously.

Lesson #3:  Running 1.4 miles out of 1.5 hurts more than NOT RUNNING AT ALL.  I mean an emotional type of hurt.  Had I just gotten off my ass and WENT, I most likely would have met 2 of my 3 goals.

***Shaking it off.***

Okay, let's get on to next week's goals:

• Go to gym 4 times for 30+ minutes each.
• Run 1.5 miles of 2 miles ATLEAST 2 of those days.
• Get comfortable with running .75 continuously...meaning I will increase next week.

Progress Report & True Stories of The Gym: Day 6

More distractions.  I REALLY want it to get warm.....

Basics:  33 minutes, 2.15 miles.  Slow but steady. (Y'all will get totally sick of hearing/reading that....)  Walk 3-3.5 mph, run 4.5 mph.  Longest running stretch was .53 miles in just around 7 minutes.  I'm very proud of that seeing as how I couldn't even run a quarter of a mile 3 weeks ago.

I was very unsteady yesterday.  Chris asked me how I ran and I said, "Like a wobbly brick."  I felt heavy and lethargic and unsteady.  Nevermind that I'm all of those things in real life (or atleast have been lately.  WINTER BLOWS.).  Ha.

I've been having issues with my shoulders and neck being very tense when I get to the running part of the workout.  I very often have to roll my shoulders while running and regulate my breathing to an even greater degree.  I also find that laughing helps...which is rather easy to do at my gym.  This shouldn't come as a surprise to me as my gym's motto is "No Critics" and it only costs 10 bucks a month.  Any schmoe can afford that, right?!?  There should seriously be an ENTIRE college sociology class based on observing people at the gym.  It's...enlightening.

In light of the above (the shoulders, not the laughing), I've been working on taking the pressure off of myself while I'm running.  I am known to do or think stupid things to take the seriousness out of what I'm doing and that not only makes me laugh and relax, but it sure does make the time go faster too!!

While people watching is my preferred method of laughter, yesterday I was feeling a little...guilty for internally laughing at people.  So I got out the finger guns.  I'd shoot them into the air on occasion (not like HIGH in the air, just in front of me) and that made me laugh ALOT.  No tension in the back/neck/shoulders. :)

At one point in time, a man...a very LARGE man...got on the treadmill next to me.  He was very unsteady on his feet and was huffing and puffing and even stumbled a few times.  And all I could think was, "He's gonna fall.  And then he's gonna make ME fall.  And then I'm going to have to kick the ass of a very large man RIGHT HERE IN THE GYM.  And I didn't wear the right clothes for jail today."

He didn't fall.  He quit running after 3 minutes or so and walked about 2 mph the rest of the time.  I was overcome with "Hey...atleast he's trying!" after the threat of going to jail passed.

Lessons learned:  Don't take this too seriously.  There are serious things in life to take seriously.

Progress Report: Day 5 & Goals for Next Week

I missed going to the gym yesterday.  Chris didn't get home until almost 6pm and then we had dinner and then I had a major breakthrough regarding Morgan and feelings of guilt and depression.  And I'm just not quite ready to blog about that yet.  Soon.  But not yet.

I did go this morning.  And it felt GOOD.

I woke up renewed.  I was rested.  I didn't feel tired.  And I really felt ready to take over the world.  Literally.  You never know how much crying for 3 hours straight helps until after you do it.

Basics:  33 minutes, 2.15 miles.  Walked .9, ran 1.25.  DO YOU SEE THAT????

I walked less than one mile and ran 1.25 miles.  I am way excited about that. :)  And I ran 1.25 in only 3 intervals instead of 4 or 5.  I ran .55, .25 and .45.  That's some major progress for me.  Slow but sure.

My short term goals at the beginning of the week were to go to the gym 3 times for atleast 30 minutes each time and to run .5 miles continuously by the end of the week.  I met both my goals.  I was almost just waiting for myself to fail...but NOT THIS TIME!!  We'll save that for later.

I did have some issues at the end.  I cooled down for 3 minutes walking and then stretched out for a minute before I left.  When I got to the car, I was SURE I was going to puke all over myself.  I never did, but I sure felt like it.  I didn't drink alot of water at the end or throughout, I was watching my breathing and I don't feel like I overworked myself.  Any insight from y'all would be appreciated.

Week 1 done.  And on to the next...

Goals for next week:

1. Go to gym 4 times for atleast 30 minutes each time. 
2. Run .75 miles continuously.
3. Run 1.5 miles of 2 miles.

I am only allowing myself 3 short term goals for now.  I have a tendency to overload myself, get overwhelmed and then get discouraged and ultimately...QUIT.  Not. Gonna. Do it.  I'm seeing this through to the end, people.

Progress Report & True Stories of The Gym: Day 4

Let me just say this...there are some freakin' DISTRACTING ass people at my gym.  I'll revisit that in a minute.  First, let's talk about my slow-but-sure-progress. 

The basics:  35 minutes on the treadmill.  Interval walking/running (intervals at my discretion).  Walking 3.3 to 3.5 mph.  Running at 4.4 to 4.5 mph.  Ran a total of 1.12 miles...my longest stretch being .35 miles.  Walked the rest.  Feel pretty good about that.

I have many many running friends.  I have for a long time.  I think part of my problem before Monday was that I was sort of trying to compare what I'm doing to what they were/are doing.  And a friend told me Monday, "Don't compare your goals to those of others.  That's just ridiculous.  Be proud of the progress that YOU make in YOUR time."  And I'm doing that.  A year ago I would've never even THOUGHT of doing something like running 13.1 miles.  At one time.  Continuously.  And even now...only 4 DAYS IN...I feel like that may be just a few percent MORE possible.

And back to the distracting ass people.  Let me preface this by saying that I go to a gym whose motto is "No Critics."  And that apparently makes for a very diverse crowd.  There is one couple that I've seen EVERYTIME I've been to the gym.  Yes, that's only 3 times, but when I tell you about them, you'll see why I'm surprised.  They are a very young (maybe 20), uhm...."alternative" couple.  The girl has neon green hair...okay.  I don't care about the neon green.  I've had purple, pink, red, orange and blue hair before.  I worked for a summer camp one year and earned the name Rainbow Brite.  Neon green just wasn't my color choice.  But she wears clothes from Hot Topic to work out.  But...she NEVER works out.  She looks like she sort of wants to, but doesn't.  Kind of like if I wear a football jersey I sort of look like I want to play football.  But I don't go strutting around a football field in my jersey.  But I digress. 

She just watches the dude. She never actually does anything.  He tried to show her something on a weight machine yesterday and she almost cried.  Seriously.  The guy wears the SAME shirt everyday...a Misfits t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.  He wears plaid shorts that almost look like boxers.  He hasn't brushed his dirty blond hair in what seems like months.  He walks around the gym with a notebook and a pencil and does maybe 2 reps of...ONE...on each machine.  And then writes something down.  Um....couldn't the green haired girl be writing so he could actually exercise more?? 

Do you have any interesting gym stories?  I'd love to hear 'em!

Progress Report: Day 3

I skipped the gym all weekend.  I didn't do a damn thing.  It was awesome at the time, but then I weighed myself today after almost a week of no gym and 2 weeks of eating everything in sight.  SIX freakin' pounds up.  NOT the way I wanted to start off the year...but alot of things have happened that I didn't exactly want to deal with.

With all that in mind...and my STRONG desire to drink every ounce of vodka made available to me...I sent a good friend an email about how I am having a really hard time dealing with things.  She said, and I quote:  "You can do this.  You DID the right thing."  She'll never know the impact that had.  Or maybe she will...

So keeping that in the front of my brain, I went to the gym with the intention of RUNNING (not walking) atleast half of a mile.  Yes, I said half of ONE mile.  If you know me you know that that's feasible...anything more would be setting my short term goal too high.

I ended up running .9 miles of the 2 miles that I did.  I ran at 4.2 mph...for ALMOST ONE MILE.  I didn't do it continuously, but the point is that I did it.  I walked .5, ran .25, walked .35, ran .45, walked .15, ran .2 then walked the rest.  The most awesome part is that in the middle I ran almost half a mile at once!! 

I know some of you are reading this and laughing...and that's okay.  I've never done this before.  And I'm NOT quitting.

Progress Report: Day Two

I will be updating the blogaroo EVERYtime I exercise in any form.  The regular readers may get bored with this, but I don't care.  I don't care because this is my life and I must document it.  I will be able to go back to where I began and see my progress in words.  And this is VERY important to me....and my mental state.

On Monday Chris and I joined a new gym.  We quit our last gym over the summer because we weren't planning on going anytime soon and it was costing us upwards of 40 bucks a month.  We joined a new one for half that price for the both of us and they have everything we need and it is close to home.  Perfect.  I can even go before I pick Jayna up from school.  Outstanding. 

I went yesterday AWBJ ("after work, before Jayna"...hey, if technology has taught us anything it's that any number of phrases or words can be abbreviated or acronymed at the user's discretion) which means that I could only go for about 30 minutes.  But 30 minutes is 30 minutes...especially when you're basically starting from scratch.  I walked at between 3.8 and 4.3 mph for almost the entire time.  At about the 20 minute mark, I decided to bump up the mph and run at 5.3 mph.  FOR A WHOLE 3 MINUTES.  And I thought death was waiting for me in the locker room.  Seriously...I've got a long road ahead of me.  I ended with just at 2 miles in 30 minutes.

So I have to have a plan even if it goes unused.  Having the plan just makes my brain rest a little easier.  So the plan is that 2 days a week I'll go AWBJ and 1 day a week I'll go after she goes to bed (AB...haha) so I can be there longer. Atleast 1 weekend day (I'm shooting for both days after this weekend) I'll go either at naptime (N) or after bedtime.  If I'm going to do this, it's going to have to work around the 2-year-old's schedule. :)

My short term goal, with the help of KT, is to be able to run a continuous 3 miles in 35 minutes by the beginning of March.  Here's hoping I don't kill myself.

To Recap, my progress was joining and then GOING TO a gym...and actually beginning the journey.

Here goes nothin' y'all. :)