Progress Report & True Stories of The Gym: Day 4

Let me just say this...there are some freakin' DISTRACTING ass people at my gym.  I'll revisit that in a minute.  First, let's talk about my slow-but-sure-progress. 

The basics:  35 minutes on the treadmill.  Interval walking/running (intervals at my discretion).  Walking 3.3 to 3.5 mph.  Running at 4.4 to 4.5 mph.  Ran a total of 1.12 miles...my longest stretch being .35 miles.  Walked the rest.  Feel pretty good about that.

I have many many running friends.  I have for a long time.  I think part of my problem before Monday was that I was sort of trying to compare what I'm doing to what they were/are doing.  And a friend told me Monday, "Don't compare your goals to those of others.  That's just ridiculous.  Be proud of the progress that YOU make in YOUR time."  And I'm doing that.  A year ago I would've never even THOUGHT of doing something like running 13.1 miles.  At one time.  Continuously.  And even now...only 4 DAYS IN...I feel like that may be just a few percent MORE possible.

And back to the distracting ass people.  Let me preface this by saying that I go to a gym whose motto is "No Critics."  And that apparently makes for a very diverse crowd.  There is one couple that I've seen EVERYTIME I've been to the gym.  Yes, that's only 3 times, but when I tell you about them, you'll see why I'm surprised.  They are a very young (maybe 20), uhm...."alternative" couple.  The girl has neon green hair...okay.  I don't care about the neon green.  I've had purple, pink, red, orange and blue hair before.  I worked for a summer camp one year and earned the name Rainbow Brite.  Neon green just wasn't my color choice.  But she wears clothes from Hot Topic to work out.  But...she NEVER works out.  She looks like she sort of wants to, but doesn't.  Kind of like if I wear a football jersey I sort of look like I want to play football.  But I don't go strutting around a football field in my jersey.  But I digress. 

She just watches the dude. She never actually does anything.  He tried to show her something on a weight machine yesterday and she almost cried.  Seriously.  The guy wears the SAME shirt everyday...a Misfits t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.  He wears plaid shorts that almost look like boxers.  He hasn't brushed his dirty blond hair in what seems like months.  He walks around the gym with a notebook and a pencil and does maybe 2 reps of...ONE...on each machine.  And then writes something down.  Um....couldn't the green haired girl be writing so he could actually exercise more?? 

Do you have any interesting gym stories?  I'd love to hear 'em!

Progress Report: Day 3

I skipped the gym all weekend.  I didn't do a damn thing.  It was awesome at the time, but then I weighed myself today after almost a week of no gym and 2 weeks of eating everything in sight.  SIX freakin' pounds up.  NOT the way I wanted to start off the year...but alot of things have happened that I didn't exactly want to deal with.

With all that in mind...and my STRONG desire to drink every ounce of vodka made available to me...I sent a good friend an email about how I am having a really hard time dealing with things.  She said, and I quote:  "You can do this.  You DID the right thing."  She'll never know the impact that had.  Or maybe she will...

So keeping that in the front of my brain, I went to the gym with the intention of RUNNING (not walking) atleast half of a mile.  Yes, I said half of ONE mile.  If you know me you know that that's feasible...anything more would be setting my short term goal too high.

I ended up running .9 miles of the 2 miles that I did.  I ran at 4.2 mph...for ALMOST ONE MILE.  I didn't do it continuously, but the point is that I did it.  I walked .5, ran .25, walked .35, ran .45, walked .15, ran .2 then walked the rest.  The most awesome part is that in the middle I ran almost half a mile at once!! 

I know some of you are reading this and laughing...and that's okay.  I've never done this before.  And I'm NOT quitting.

Tortuous, Traumatic Tuesday (that actually happened on Monday)

I ran last night. 

That is the long and short of this post.  So if you're a "get to the point because I don't care about all the shit that happened in between" type of person, you can stop reading there.

And I shall begin at the...beginning. 

Chris and I are in agreement that this is the beginning of the end for Morgan.  We do not know how long this will be dragged out.  We believe that the cancer is back and is taking it's toll on him.  Add that to his degenerating joints and muscle and the result isn't hopeful.  At all. 

The one thing that helps Moe is walking.  He loves to go on walks.  He's loved it since he was born.  This isn't only good for his hips and joints, but it is soooo outstanding for his mental state.  After walking last night, he slept for 3 hours straight last night and actually SNORED!!  He slept well for 3 hours!  That hasn't happened in months.

The problem with walking Moe is that Moe can't be walked with Oliver anymore.  Ollie is way too rambunctious and fast.  Moe prefers to sort of mosey instead of power walk.  Oliver also runs into and cuts in front of Moe almost causing him to fall down.  And we just can't do it anymore.  But you can't just take ONE dog on a walk when you have more than one dog.  Y'all with multiple pets know what I'm saying.

So there's that part of things. 

I decided yesterday that SHOES OR NO SHOES, I am going to begin atleast walking 3 or 4 times a week.  If I'm going to run the Mini, then I need to start doing something...a step in the right direction.  And since Ollie likes to trot and I can only run slow, I resolved to take Ollie running with me and then Chris would walk Moe after I got back with Ollie.  Sounds like a pretty good plan, huh?  Yeah.  Nope.

On my way home, I drove my neighborhood and mapped out a safe and easy 1.2 miles.  "That'll be easy enough!  Half hour tops.  And then Chris can walk Moe and we'll all be home in time for dinner!!"  I was soooo optimistic!  And that's where I went wrong.

Ollie did the SAME EXACT EFFING THING TO ME that he does to Moe.  First of all, he wanted to stop at EVERY mailbox to pee.  I expected that to happen for the first little bit.  But I was sure that once he went potty and got the hang of what we were doing that he'd settle.  He never settled.  He cut in front of me once and I was sure that I was going to eat the concrete.  He would go super fast to the end of his leash and the come to a complete stop.  So fast, slow, fast, slow was our pace.  He saw a plastic grocery bag floating in the wind in someone's yard and darted in front of me to get BEHIND me so I could protect him.  There goes the theory that he'd be able to protect me if needed.

I ended up only going about .6 miles and I walked about .2 of it.  So I didn't even run HALF of a mile and I thought I was going to die.  I...am officially ALREADY discouraged.

My chest was on fire for more than an hour.  Toward the end of the run I realized how hard all of this was going to be and I started crying.  So many things have been building up and they all broke loose at that moment.  It's difficult to cry and run, especially in the cold when your nose is already running and you're already huffing and puffing. 

I had a complete breakdown when I got home...and it was VERY embarrassing.  "So why are you writing about it, moron??  Don't tell the world about your embarrassing moments!!"  Well, gentle readers, I think you should all know.  For posterity.  And we all can be honest...I know only 6 or 7 people really read here.

And now I HAVE to conquer this.  That .6 miles was a huge wake up call.  My health needs to improve and I need to start NOW. 

There's no time like the present.  So what are YOU going to do today??

Too Many Hobbies Tuesday

I've decided that I have too many hobbies. And I will likely do NOTHING about it.


I have many pieces of furniture (okay, 4...but 3 are bookshelves and one is a storage cabinet) in my garage that are in the process of being finished. What's stopping me? I have to sand the hell out of all of them.

I have eleventyjillion unfinished scrapbook projects. But do I work on them? Absolutely NOT. I take up other hobbies like crocheting.

I currently have 2 crochet projects to finish for Jayna, one for myself and one for a friend. But last night I just wanted to watch television.

I have some minor woodworking projects (one was for Halloween and isn't finished...there's always next year) that I'm working on for an upcoming possible teaching workshop thingy. But they also have to be sanded and I feel that I can't work on them until Jayna's furniture is sanded. It's like my sander shakes it's finger at me and says, "You should be working on the kid's stuff!!"

I also like to bake and decorate cupcakes.  But when the HELL am I going to do that???

I've determined that there is one part of EVERY hobby I have that I don't like doing. I don't like sanding wood. I don't like printing photos for scrapbooking. And I don't like blocking and washing crochet projects.  I don't really like the actual MAKING of the cake.  My strong suit is decorating.

I also like to paint, but that's on the back burner because of all of the above. I also like to do, you know, PHYSICAL activities outdoors and stuff. I haven't been to the nature preserve in FOREVER. Yesterday I played outside with Jayna and it was delightful.

Many of my crafting issues are because of my Four New Things Expedition. I've gotta stop with the craft stuff.

My goal next year is to not add ANY new craft categories to my life. I am only allowed to add one-time events or things that are good for my body. I plan to play paintball. And I plan to run the mini. So I'm off to a good start.

So...what was the point of this post? As always, your guess is as good as mine.

Make It Mine Monday: Tuesday Edition AGAIN

I realize that I'm a lame blogger.  I shouldn't name blog entries after days of the week if I can't actually stick to writing those entries ON THE DAY THEY'RE NAMED AFTER.  I know.  I know.  I said I know.

What I really want today is a personal assistant.  That I don't have to pay. :)

It seems that I don't have time to do anything.  This week most of my time is going to studying for my first test in my real estate class.  That is on Thursday.  It will cover chapters 1 through 9.  I've currently outlined and read chapters 1 through 5.  That's just not good enough.  I've been staying up until atleast 11pm and getting up at 5:15am.  I'm tired.  And when I do go to bed I can't sleep.  BOO TO THAT!!!

I also need to get Jayna's invitations made and sent out.  I hope to get that done at the lake this weekend.  If any of you readers would like an invitation to Jayna's party, let me know.  I'd be happy for you all to come, but I don't want to be that person who invites people who don't want to come or the one who people think invites people just for gifts. 

I also still have to get the triplet scrapbooks done.  I am ever so grateful to Summer for helping me with that.  Hopefully they get done before the shower...whenever that may be. 

I also need to think about what I'm going to do with this real estate license.  I have to work for a broker for one full year before I can get a broker's license.  Who knows where that will take me. 

I need help!!

Four Things

I can't recall whether or not I've blogged about Four Things yet, but I'm doing it now.  When Jayna was born I think it would be an understatement to say that I had a difficult time.  I'm sure that I'm not the only one who has ever had a hard time becoming a mom.  It's a jumbo-sized job and it's different than anything that's ever happened to me.  And until Jayna was about 8 months old, I did NOTHING but be her mom.  I learned what it was to be a parent.  Well, some of it anyway.  I don't think anyone ever learns EVERYTHING there is to learn about being a parent.  There is no destination to that journey.  And maybe that's what makes it so damn frustrating.

I learned parenting.  I learned being a mom.  I learned about kids and what they do at what ages and that I'd worry if Jayna didn't do something exactly on schedule.  I was freaked out beyond belief that she got teeth so early.  I was sad when she didn't crawl by the time she was 7 or 8 months old (even though she picked it up literally a week after I began worrying).  I didn't know any of this stuff...so I went by the "book."  I did NOT go with the flow.  And I definitely did NOT have my shit together.  I was a mess.  But I wasn't JUST a mess.  I was a mess of a mom.  And nothing else.  I lost every ounce of my identity except my new mom identity.

I stopped scrapbooking.  I stopped seeing my friends.  I stopped drinking at all.  I stopped exercising.  I stopped writing.  I stopped doing EVERYTHING.  I even had an offer to illustrate another children's book and I blew that because I couldn't get it together and just DO IT.  All I did was be a mom.  And that, my friends, gets Pretty.  Damn.  Boring.

Again, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever had this particular issue.  It's difficult.  It's frustrating.  It's tumultuous.  It's sad.  Just sad.  I've always had what I thought to be a pretty strong identity.  And one of the reasons that I didn't want to have children for so many years is that I didn't want to lose myself.  I still wanted to be me.  FAIL.  I did fail miserably.

Until March 14th, 2009.

I know the exact date.  That's how important this was.  It was huge.  It was, in Barney Stinson's lingo, LEGEN...wait for it...DARY.

And it began at the instant that THIS photo was taken:

Why this picture, you ask??  Not just because it's hilarious.  Before we had Jayna, this was us.  There were millions of goofy pics of us having fun.  There were pics with personality in them.  Immediately after this picture was taken, I looked at it on my camera screen and I've never had a stronger epipany..."I AM GOING TO RECLAIM MY IDENTITY."

And, yes, my identity does, in fact, include pictures of my husband groping me.  That's who I was and who I will continue to be.  I just needed a plan to get my Reclamation of Identity going.  And that's where Four Things came in.

The next day, a Sunday, I told myself that I was going to send Jayna to a babysitter atleast one day a month and go out.  With my friends.  To mostly bars.  And drink beer.  Because That is.  Who.  I am. I was determined to be a person other than Mom.  And then I determined to do Four Things per year that I've never done before.

Four Things.  They didn't have to be huge things.  Or things that put my life in jeopardy (even though I did several of those things in the past).  It just had to be Four Things that I hadn't yet done.  Easy enough, right?

Four Things began with this:

My friend Laura has a little girl, Layla, who is 3 months older than Jayna.  Her first birthday was in May of last year and I made these fondant cows for her cupcake tower.  This was the first thing I had ever made out of fondant.  Not too shabby, huh?  I still do this and I love it.

Last fall I was on a coed softball team.  I had never played softball before.  I sucked so bad!!  It is so difficult for me to do things that include other people when I know I'm not good at them.  I just don't like to look like an idiot.  I did make it to base a few times and played a mean right field...aka stood there and looked pretty. :)  I'd love to play softball again sometime.  It was wonderful exercise.

I also was on a fantasy football league last fall.  It's harder than you think!!  I had Chris' help all the way to the end and we did win a few games.  We definitely did NOT make it to the playoffs.  I don't know if I'll ever do it again, but it was fun!!

I had also planned on learning to knit last year, but I didn't get to.  That was my fourth thing.  I was scheduled to take a class with my good friend Michelle before her baby was born in November, but our teacher got sick and cancelled.  Because of the schedule and the time Mia was scheduled to arrive in the world, we didn't get to reschedule.  So I only got in three of my Four Things last year.  Three is better than none!

This year I'm going bigger.  On the list is knitting (I'm commited to that), riding in/flying an open biplane, getting my real estate license and an unknown.  I begin real estate school on June 29th and I my plane ride just needs to be scheduled.  I'll be sure to take lots of pictures this year.

I don't want to become boring.  I don't want to be just a mom.  I want Jayna to grow up knowing that I was fun and strong and a real person.  I'm not Mrs. Cleaver. :)

Next year I plan to ride in The Hilly Hundred.  I'd better buy a bike, huh?

Any suggestions for that unknown fourth??