Hope for the best.

Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.  I try to live by that phrase.  I think it is the perfect pessimistic/optimistic mixture of a motto.  Maybe we'll call that realistic for now.  But in reality, it isn't realistic.  That was a funny sentence...

Last Friday Jayna woke up in a good mood.  She was happy and smiley and cuddly.  And then it was time to leave.  And then she threw a fit.  So I took her to the babysitter, said my goodbyes and began to prepare myself for what the evening would bring...quite possibly a Friday night from hell.

Prepare for the worst.  Develop a worst case scenario and determine how I will deal with said scenario if it happens.  Worst case scenario:  She doesn't nap all day and is just plain grouchy.  CHECK!!  Her teeth hurt.  CHECK!!  Her nose is running off of her face.  CHECK!!  She has No. Idea. What.  She wants.  DOUBLE CHECK!!

How will I deal with this?  With compassion.  CHECK!!  With lots of kisses and cuddles and cheerios and crackers and juice.  CHECK!!  With Elmo.  CHECK!!  With Blue's Clues.  CHECK!!  With playtime and no chores.  CHECK!!  With one-on-one attention.  CHECK!!  With patience.  Errr...(crickets chirping).

I had patience.  I did.  I had patience right up until she started slapping me in the face and trying to bite me directly followed by lying her sweet little head on my shoulder and hugging me.  I had patience until she kicked the dog.  I had patience until she wanted me to hold her and put her down AT THE SAME TIME.  And I had patience until I took a juice cup to the head.  A juice cup to the head immediately followed by the most adorable snotty kisses I've EVER received.  I had it together until this plethora of insanity happened within a matter of minutes.  The minutes that just happened to be the ones immediately preceding daddy's arrival.

Oh, glorious daddy!!  Daddy who doesn't get a juice cup to the head or slaps to the face but, alas, still receives those wonderfully sweet hugs and adorable snotty kisses.  Daddy who can make it all better by simply being daddy...by simply walking through the damn door.  I wonder what his plan was.  I can tell you.  He didn't have one.  He prefers the "fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants" approach.

I then passed the torch to daddy.  I kept my distance for the remainder of the evening, all the while wondering what I did wrong and what I exactly did to deserve a juice cup to the head.  I wondered why my cuddles weren't good enough.  Why my shoulder wasn't comfortable enough.  Why my tickles were upsetting while daddy's were funny.  And why my cheerios were thrown at the dog while daddy's were eagerly eaten up.  Why I ever thought I could be a mom.  Why I can't do anything right.  Why she hates me.  Why.  Why.  Why.

And while daddy and Jayna played and played and ate dinner and played some more, I did dishes and cleaned while quite possibly shedding the most tears I've shed since Jayna was around 2 months old.  I just couldn't fathom why I wasn't good enough.  Why she didn't like me.

It's days like last Friday that force me to include the last part of the motto...hope for the best.  When all I have is hope that things will get better.  Hope that tomorrow, or the next day, my cuddles will be warm and fuzzy and my cheerios will be yummy.  You see, as a mom, you MUST hope for the best.  Because it is simply impossible to prepare for the worst.  You don't know the worst until it's throwing juice cups at your head and causing you to doubt your very existence. 

The following few days got better.  My cuddles became fuzzy again.  My tickles were the funniest and the juice cup was very politely handed to me with the sweetest "mama" that I've ever been called.  We were back on the same page.  But it was the simple hope that things would get better that made my tickles funny.  That made that "mama" so very sweet in my ears.  And it truly is the best when she's happy.

Through this experience, my motto was condensed.  Hope for the best.  Plain and simple.  Don't even think about the worst because it's going to happen whether you prepare for it or not...and you STILL won't be prepared.  Hope for the best.  A mom's words to live by.