Morgan Monday: September

Okay, not actually "through" the years, but...well...here you go...just see for yourself:

(circa September 2000)

You see that little tiny black dog there??  Yeah...he grew up to be...

(circa September 2010)

THIS!!! 

Please pardon the quality of the first photo.  It's from 10+ years ago and had to be scanned.

I am having a particularly frustrating morning and Chris just brought that top picture into me and said, "There.  Your day just got better."

And it did.  For a minute. 

Until I remembered that we'll probably only get another couple of months with Moe.  And then I cried like a baby.  At work.  His condition is NOT improving in the least.  He continues to struggle just to walk and sleeps probably 20 hours out of the day.  He doesn't seem to be in much pain (probably due to meds), but he isn't struggling any less either.  And while I can't bear the thought of him not being around, I also can't bear the thought of him living like this for years to come.  I won't make him do that.

The thing that makes this soooo difficult is that we'll probably have to make this decision for him.  That scares the shit out of me.  I keep thinking that ANY DAY NOW he'll start to turn around.  But he doesn't.  He's never comfortable.  He hasn't slept through the night in atleast 2 months.  Which means that neither have I.  We're spending a gajillion dollars on special dog food that has seemingly NO effect.  He's been on it for 9 weeks now and there's been absolutely NO change. 

I also keep thinking that after winter we'll be able to get him out and walking and such...but in reality that isn't going to happen.  We won't be able to reverse the damage.  It's done...and it's nothing of our doing.  But that isn't at all comforting.

This is by far the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with.  I just wish we could go back to the second picture...which was taken in September of this year.  Hell, you know...I'll take EITHER September at this point.  I'll go through all of the chewing and bad puppy behavior and everything if it means he'll still be here.

I just want to go back to September.  Close your eyes with me...and now tap your heels...

There's no place like September.  There's no place like September.  There's no place like September.