The Mind of a 3-Year-Old

Three-year-olds really are a completely different breed of human.  It's quite fascinating, really.

Here's a short story that will relate to the point I'm trying to make:

As my last post denoted, Chris and I are currently building Jayna a new bed.  This was my idea.

My awesomely horribly delightful money-saving hair-pulling-out idea.  All in the name of giving Jayna what she wants for her birthday: a bed that's like a couch. 

Some people will tell me she's spoiled.  Go ahead.  Tell me.  And then go suck eggs. :)

Anyhoo, as I also denoted in my last post, this bed is a sort of mash up of 2 different bed plans that I found on Ana White's website.  Since it is a mash up of 2 beds, there are some alterations that have to be made to make this work.  I very haphazardly explained those alterations to Chris in hopes that he would just read my mind and figure out what I meant. 

After all...it all made sense in my head.  That's what matters, right?

Much to my chagrin, he had trouble reading my thoughts and figuring this out all on his own, so I had to vocalize...in terms that another person could understand...WHAT, exactly those alterations were and how they were to be executed in my final plan.  Yikes.

It took awhile.  That step probably took longer than every other step we've done combined.

In short, I sometimes am absolutely HORRIBLE at vocalizing what is going on in my brain. 

This brings me to this story about Jayna:

Jayna is at an age and developmental stage where she is what I would call "so emotional that it makes me want to stab my eyeballs out rather than talk her down from whatever emotion she's so into that she can't distinguish between fantasy and reality."  Got it?  If you have a 3-year-old girl, you've got it, alright.

Jayna loves those little black velvet posters.  You know, the ones that you color the white part and it looks like a picture, but all the negative space is black velvet?  She has atleast a dozen of those that she's colored.  They are only a buck at the craft store and they are one of her favorite crafts.  And one will keep her busy for about an hour.  That's my kind of craft.

Yesterday we got her 2 new ones...a castle and a mermaid.  She's had the castle one before, but she's forgotten.  She's had so many in between that she doesn't remember that she's coloring the same thing again.  And on top of that, I'm not sure she cares.  She just wants to use the "real markers" and color her picture.

After she colored one, she came to me and said, "Mommy, when I color both of my pictures, can I make them into a book?"  I told her, "Of course you can!  That's an awesome idea!  I'll help you and we'll write a story and put all the pages together like a book.  But I have to finish making the bed first."  She was instantly pleased with that and wanted to start right away.

She went to her room and started to gather things that she thought would help us make her book.  She gathered her Barrel of Monkeys game, Dr. Seuss' The Lorax book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar book (2 of her favorites), some of her play jewelry and some markers.

As she passed me in the hall, I asked her why she needed jewelry.  She replied, "Because it's a book about fairies, mommy."  I'm pretty sure she even rolled her eyes at me, but I can't be sure.

I finished making the bed and loaded the washer.  And to be honest, I got so caught up in the housework that I forgot I'd told her I'd help her.  I walked through the living room and saw her in the middle of the area rug making her book.

She had her Dr. Seuss book open and had all of her monkeys from the Barrel of Monkeys shoved in between the pages along with some of her play jewelry.  And she had an uncapped green marker in her hand.

I sort of freaked out.  Those books cost lots of money. 

The conversation went something like this:

Me:  Jayna...are you writing in your books??  We don't draw in our books!!!
Jayna:  I was writing a story, mommy.
Me:  We write stories on paper!  NOT in our good books!
Jayna:  I was pretending.  I made it like my 'vitations.
Me:  YOU DON'T WRITE IN YOUR BOOKS, JAYNA.  (very stern)
Jayna:  (bursts into tears while trying to tell me something) I...don't be mean at me, mommy.  Pretend...I was just....you said you help....I can't write a story by myself....pretending.....

The tears and the frustration and the trying to explain herself was just too much for her.

And writing in her good books was just too much for me...at the time.

I picked up the 2 books, dumping all the monkeys on the floor.  That caused more crying and frustration.

Jayna:  You broke it!!!  I made it like my 'vitations!!!!!  And you broke it, mommy!!  I mad to you!
Me:  Did you write in your books Jayna?  (while flipping through the books)
Jayna:  NO!  (while pointing at me and yelling) NO I DIDN'T!!!  WE DON'T WRITE IN BOOKS, MOMMY!!!  I PRETENDING TIL YOU ARE DONE!!!

I then scooped her up and we had a long cuddle session followed by a talk.  A talk about collecting your thoughts and putting them into coherent sentences.  And I learned a lesson.  If I would've just asked her first, "Jayna, did you write in your books?" without accusing her in the same sentence, she probably would've directly answered me.  Given the way I asked her with an accusation directly following, she felt the need to defend herself and then got flustered when I kept at her. 

Collect your thoughts, Danielle.  Seriously.  And put them into coherent sentences.

Here's what happened:

Jayna's birthday is next month.  I am making her invitations.  She is fascinated with the scrapbooking process of using jewels and shapes to make an invitation.  That was what the jewelry and monkeys were for...they were her "embellishments."  She was pretending to stick them to the pages to make invitations.  When I picked up the book, I ruined all of her "vitations."  And I am a horrible person.

Jayna knows that she can't write yet and she's quite sensitive about the matter.  She tries very hard to write her name.  She does a good job with a couple of letters, but she's just not there yet.  Hell, she's not even really 3 yet!!  But she still feels like she should be able to just WRITE.  She wants to write her name and she wants to write stories, dammit!!  Forget being little, she has something to say!!!

She was pretending to write in her book so that she could pretend that the story was hers.  All because I wasn't paying attention or helping her.

What was she trying to tell me? 

"I didn't write in my books, mom.  I was pretending to write in my book because YOU said you'd help me, but you TOO BUSY.  So there.  And then you picked up my book of invitations and ruined them ALL.  And you're getting mad at me?!?  Shouldn't I be mad at YOU?  I mean, you did ignore me and then ruin my work.  Seriously, lady.  Figure it out."

I'd like to say that I'm exaggerating there, as I always do, but I'm pretty sure those were her exact thoughts.

She is so sensitive.  Especially when she knows she's done nothing wrong.  She was especially hurt this time because I told her I'd help her and then I got busy.  She thought she was doing a very good thing and being a very good girl because she wasn't bothering me. 

And then I jumped her ass.

I hope she doesn't inherit this trait from me...this inability to organize and vocalize her thoughts.  To make people understand what she's saying, what she means, how she feels.

I suppose I am one of her biggest influences.  If she continues to see me do this, she will continue to do it.

Collect your thoughts.  And put them into coherent sentences.

On another note, this child's creativity is nuts.  Later last night, we did make our book and write a story.  She narrated and I wrote.  It's about a mermaid who lives in a castle named Rapunzel.  Look for it at a bookstore near you. :)