ToT: Raising a Child in a World of Controversy

This week was a free week.  To catch up, to write about whatever you want, or to reflect on one or two topics that I myself chose.  Those 2 topics were the Chick-fil-A controversy and the Aurora, CO shooting.
Why did I do that?!?  Why did I have to go and throw those topics in there?

I had a perfectly trivial topic planned.  You know those frugal fashion bloggers who find some expensive clothing item and then find cheaper alternatives?  That was my blog entry for this week.  And then I had to go and ruin it with all that thinking I had to do.

Today I'll be covering the Chick-fil-A controversy.  I'll be covering it in the manner that my title suggests...how will I raise a child in this world of "hate chicken?"  What will I teach her?

I have read a MILLION different pieces of...literature?...about Chick-fil-A.  I say "literature" with a question mark because I don't know that I'd classify opinion pieces on the internet as literature.  Not that they don't hold some sort of merit, but that when I think of literature, I think of 2 things:  A. A book written by an author in a library.  B. A piece of writing containing facts.  I understand that there are things wrong with my definition (especially in the age of the interwebs) and that SOMEONE will think less of me for my definition, but at this point, that is the least of my worries.

In this day and age, the Technological Age, the Social Media Age, the Age Where We're All Supposed To Be Sticking Together As A Human Race And Helping Out One Another...whatever it is y'all want to call it, it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish between facts and propaganda.  Facts and opinions.  Facts and outright lies.  If there is one bad thing that comes as a direct result of the internet that DIRECTLY AFFECTS ME ON A DAILY BASIS, this is it. 

It's difficult to know who to believe.

I was on my high school's debate team for 3.5 years.  I had a VERY good debate coach (Shout out to Ms. Davidson) and she taught me a LOT about learning facts before making a decision.  She also taught me how to argue both sides of damn near any argument...more of a curse than a blessing it turns out.  She taught me that most people usually lie somewhere in the middle of the 2 opposing sides, but that they probably don't know it.  See...everything is NOT a duality.  Not black and white.  Not good and evil.  Not day and night.  Any debatable topic can be argued on a continuum. 

Think of a timeline but without the dates.  Think of a horizontal line with "Everything is White" on one end and "Everything is Black" on the other end.  And right in the middle is a hash mark with "Many things are not black OR white."  And along the entire line are other hash marks..."Some things are black."  "Some things are white."  "Some things are sort of black."  "Some things are sort of white."

I'm not sure why we're all so inclined to argue dualities.  I have a (albeit, fairly useless in the working world) Bachelor's degree in Philosophy.  I had a professor, Dr. McCarty, who always made the joke that dualities are a philosopher's worst nightmare and best friend all at the same time.  A duality can in and of itself win any argument.  But it's way too easy to win.  We philosophers don't like to easily win arguments.  There is a process to winning an argument in a philosopher's mind and winning by simply saying, "Well, it's white!!  That's it!!" is nowhere in the process.  That's just not how we roll.  And many times in a philisophical debate, there is no winner.  But we all walk away a little more enlightened and probably not as opposed to the other side as we were when we began.

And, come on, people.  Winning by saying "Well, it's White!! That's it!!" is as much of a cop out as lying directly in the middle of a controversial issue.

Back to Chick-fil-A.  There are 3 opinion pieces that I've read that have affected me.  There are some arguments and thoughts that don't affect me anymore regarding this issue for the simple fact that they have been overused.  For example, comparing this controversy to supporting the KKK?  That doesn't affect me anymore.  That is not to say that there isn't some truth to the statement, but this will unlikely change anyone's mind.  Especially in a Facebook forum.

If you read ONE kindhearted thing regarding Chick-fil-A, read fellow ToT poster Sarah's entry.  Sarah may be one of the kindest people I've ever known.  She supports equal rights.  She supports all people's freedom to live a happy life.  She is doing a job that many of us could NEVER do.  And she makes some outstanding points.  The 2 that stand out in my mind are that there are REAL people involved here (you aren't just hurting a multi-millionaire by boycotting...there is potential to hurt REAL people who are just trying to make a living) and that if we knew the business of our other big businesses, we'd be equally pissed off at them (see her link for Green America).

Sarah hit the nail on the head for me.  She articulated what I was having such a difficult time saying.  And I am so very happy I read her entry before I wrote this.  I am enlightened.

Please also read these if you are so inclined:  An Open Letter to Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy and The Chick Fellatio: Stuck in The Craw. Two opinions that lie somewhere on a continuum.  Please do NOT think that these opinions represent my beliefs.  These are simply the things that have helped me come to my own conclusion of things.

I have a difficult time taking other's opinions for my own (I don't even read fellow ToT entries until I write my own).  Especially when the FACTS are hard to come by.  I am appalled by where Chick-fil-A's money is going.  APPALLED.  And I would be just as appalled if I knew where the money of the other multi-million dollar companies from which I consume were made public.  And that's just the thing...it's another duality.

All or none?  Do we boycott every organization we don't believe is doing the right thing or do we just boycott the ones that affect us or piss us off the most?  Hmm...

Any of you who are boycotting Chick-fil-A shop at Walmart?  You better do some research.  If you are a human rights advocate, you'll be horrified.  I promise.

Anyone who knows me knows that I support equal rights.  I am incredibly pro gay marriage.  People should be free to be happy in the way that they are...well, happiest.  Gay, straight, polygamous, single, etc.  Whatever makes your skirt fly up.  And it should go without saying, but I'll say it...as long as the people in said relationship are consenting.  This rules out people marrying their dogs, goats, televisions, etc. 

I support equal rights.  I want you all to have the same rights that I do as a happily married person with a child.  I want that.  It's just that this issue lies somewhere on that continuum.  It isn't black and it isn't white.

I am boycotting Chick-fil-A.  I am doing this mainly because of where their money goes.  I will stand up next to my fellow humans because that is the right thing to do.  That is not to say that I lie on the ass end of the continuum.  I'm still somewhere in the middle. 

And I can hear people everywhere mumbling, "Well, that's just a cop out."  Is it?  Is it a cop out to do the right thing but to still think other opinions, thoughts, beliefs and even some actions aren't necessarily wrong?  Is it a cop out to not have such a strong opinion that I can still see another side of an argument?  Then...guilty as charged.

And this will more than likely begin a long string of me "shopping my values" as Sarah would say.  I fear that this is just the beginning.  Not just for me...but for us as a nation. 

"Where does Jayna come in?  This is supposed to be about you raising a child."

I plan to teach her all of the things that Ms. Davidson and Dr. McCarty taught me.  I don't want her to merely have thoughts.  I want her to have a thought PROCESS.  I want her to be a critical thinker and be able to think from every angle.  ALWAYS remember that there are 3 sides to every story and imagine walking a mile in the shoes of all 3 sides.  Get the facts.  Create your own opinions.  Create your own rebuttals.  But, for the love of Delores, BE NICE.  Be patient and kind and appreciative that we live in a world where we're allowed the freedom to have our own opinions and feelings and beliefs. 

Also?  I want to teach her to love PEOPLE.  All people.  The world hardens us, it makes us argue to the point of losing friends...over a chicken store.  We are bigger than our differences.  We are all human and we're all in this damn thing together.

But mostly?  Life isn't easy.  But that's what makes it so damn rewarding.

I will challenge her.  I will teach her to challenge me (and not just on the time of her curfew).  I don't want a sheep.  I want a thinking, feeling human.  But one who knows love and compassion and equality AND critical thinking.

It won't be easy.  Especially because I refuse to dole out my opinions to her.  I will guide her.  I will help her understand fact from fiction to the best of my ability.  I will allow her to make her own choices regarding where she stands on the continuum.  And most of all?  I'll love that kid until I can't love anymore.  As the Beatles say, "All you need is love."

And all of this, my friends, will be much more difficult for me than it will be for her.

Cop out?  You be the judge.